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Dec 2019 · 29
masochistic mess
star Dec 2019
threat is everywhere
and i cant breathe

you must think its funny to keep me in this endless cycle of questioning and distancing

one moment i love you
the next you hate me.

but i cant stop

i dont know whos wrong or right anymore
and somehow

i can never escape
really angry thoughts. what love does to you.
Aug 2019 · 66
all and nothing
star Aug 2019
you think about everything
but me.
(about the earth
and the flowers within it
the beauty that everything around you
the sun slowly enclosing the sweet plants
with a honey shade
and how at night the moon is but a blur
yet you still admire its alluring shine
the people that surround you
every last one of them as pretty
as an undying bouquet
and they make you endlessly smile
and see you at your finest
those that cross your mind,
you really do think about everything.

how i envy you because)

i think of nothing
but you.
(how i'm like the earth
always revolving around you lovingly
as if you were the sun
how the land that we walk in
is only beautiful because within it you
helplessly staring at how your face looks
as golden rays paint your face
and even the sun itself admires you
no matter in moonlight or
sunny day
you always manage to outshine
i think everyone around you is pretty
but nobody could ever match you
you are my bouquet
but i am not of as much undying beauty
or enough
to make you smile
i'd die before i ever would cross your mind
maybe i think about everything too

cause it's you)
you're all it takes to be everything.
i'm sorry this is so bad but ahaha another free verse i guess
star May 2019
you are like a star
you're everywhere.
i can't stop seeing

you are like a star
you belong with everyone else
but you're
nothing like them.

you are like a star
you shine the brightest
and i don't see anyone else.
in my eyes anymore

in ways, you are like a star
you were always high above me
and knowing i could never reach,
i tried anyways.

maybe i am like a star
i am unneeded
the only outcome for people like me
is to burn out.

i am like a star.
tiny, insignificant and dim
there will always be someone

i am like a star
i mean nothing to you
my only wish was to love you
like everyone else.

in ways, i am like a star
and greed overcame me
as i tried to be good enough.

you were never like a star.
you were never like the rest.
in every way
you were the galaxy.

i am like a star
and when i'm gone
you will be okay
and you will still be here.
haha another free verse
star Feb 2019
i am trying to move,
but the world tries harder.
i am trying to keep up,
but the world strays farther.

i will look away,
and everything remains.
i look once again,
and nothing is the same.

i never stop working,
yet they effortlessly win.
i say “have mercy,”
yet they move once again.

again and again.
will they never stop?
i hear the fast pace
of the clock's tick tock.

leave me behind
with everything around.
yet nothing in my eye
and no more sound.

i reach out my hands
my last attempt to try
but it seems clear

the world has left me to die.
hi! its been a while since i've posted. this ones about not being enough for everyone else.
Sep 2018 · 382
good little girl
star Sep 2018
i sit in this chair a million times.
i sit in this chair and i do the same thing every time.
i eat only to lose my appetite.
i smile only to wretch out all my happiness after.
i look at those who have hurt me.
yet i feel nothing.
i let out the choked sobs no one ever gets to hear.
and i will forget it all even happened.

i don't know. what happens. inside.

inside me is a place even i don't understand.
inside me are demons who eat every inch of my sanity.
my sanity— or better, what's left of my sanity is carved to form a wooden mask.
my sanity only cripples from here, and there is inevitability that death comes.
death comes and then the demons crawl out my used skin.
death comes and then there is no coming back.
back to when all was quiet and i listened again and again.
back to the times where i could only see me.
but now everyone can see me.
but now everyone can see the real me.

i am not the Good Little Girl.

not anymore.
nor was i ever the Good Little Girl.
for it was the wooden mask, docile and glorified.
and now it is smoke and ashes.
and now so am i.

i am the Good Little Girl.

i will glue up all the ashes if i must.
if it means maintaining my image— if it means tearing my own soul apart,
i will become the Good Little Girl.

for it is the only way of living i know.
and the Good Little Girl is a habit i will never break out of.
this is for a challenge i did with my friend Zersrol. it's a bit more personal than my usual poems. enjoy :)
Sep 2018 · 710
In Reality
star Sep 2018
as you’re telling me
about that Girl you saw today
and i don’t know how to respond
so i let out a slight chuckle.
Because i have no idea what i’m doing.
In Reality,

you can see my downfall
you raise an eyebrow up, and
Check on me.
and i wanted you to say
In Reality, i care for you.
but In Reality,
"you don’t look okay."

as our hands are barely touching
your blood i can feel against mine.
my blood courses through
more uneasily.
the Feeling is completely out of my control
even if i thought i was the only thing
I could control.
In Reality, you are the one
holding the Controller.

as you ask me about
my Day.
i wonder if you really care
And the thought doesn’t stop.
are you going to Admit it
maybe i just thought of you
i was the only blinded one
In Reality,
your senses surely have
picked up on my breaking,
did they not?

but then i Realize

you don’t see my downfall.
In Reality,
you are my Downfall.
05-23-18 / concept: it isn't them at fault if you're the one still holding on. the message conveyed is that they're toxic, but so are you.
Sep 2018 · 2.5k
Swimming Upstream
star Sep 2018
I am like a fish out of water.
Yet it's too shameful to cry.
Struggling to breathe
Letting out as much as a sigh.

They know where they’re going
And brush past my shoulders.
Like a stream that never stops flowing
The water gets colder.

I will never see the end.
They're going places and they’re going far.
And I am who I am
But who I am is not who they are.

Am I a fish out of water
Or a failure to manipulate?
Am I going against the ordinary
before it is too late?

Is it the wrong way
If I choose to stay put?
Is it wrong to stay
If no one else could?

Maybe one day I'll push through them.
this poem is about being optimistic and going in the opposite direction of a one-way path. sometimes you don't know whether the end destination is good or not, you just have to hope.

— The End —