You don't know what missing him means.  
Missing him is waiting 3 years for him to return.
Missing him is his return, and then shortly after his departure.  
In the past his departure was school, going away to college.
This time it was you, Wanting something different.  
There's no reason for you to miss him when he's already yours..
All I ask is that you know what you have and keep him happy.  
He may have hurt me over and over but maybe you're different.
Deep down he has the most beautiful heart.  
He cares so deeply for those around him.  
I know he'll make you happy, if you let him.  
Love him deep and passionetely.  
Don't let your demons get in the way..
You can't miss him until hes gone.  
I miss him everyday.

Today was the day I found reasoning.  
Reasons to all the madness you've bestowed me.  
It was true, the spark was not there anymore.  
But the deceitful lies should have been saved for yourself.  
I didn't need false hope to be okay with you again.  
A friendship would have sufficed.  
But you're so selfish that you thought you wanted more.  
Instead you've left me here again.  
Guessing why I wasn't good enough this time.  
The truth is the complete opposite though.  
Were you good enough for me?
After all these years of self-improvement on my part.. You're still the same.  
You don't know what you want, as far as love goes.  
You will never be satisfied if you're always expecting something from nothing.  
Love can't be forced, I understand that..
But a friendship after so many years of being close,
That would have been ideal.  
You wanted the whole thing.  
You wanted the comfort, the love.
You wanted all of these things from someone who was trying desperately to love themselves.
Someone who didn't even feel comfort in their own skin.
Boy oh boy did you let your colors shine this time.  
It's true, I am very devestated.. Losing you was hard for me.
Realizing that I was putting you on a pedestal where you didn't belong, is the worst part.  
Realizing that I have wasted my time and love on something, never to be appreciated, kills me.
But God works in the most beautiful ways.  
I prayed for him to show me who you really were, because of my doubts.
He answered my prayers the day you called me and said you couldn't do it anymore.  
I know it was her, the reason you left me.. the one that you believe got away...
But just wait and see, one day that girl will be me

There are many reasons I can't hate you.
It's not your fault you are the way you are.  
Love is something you're not accustomed to,
So I'll learn to love you from afar.  

I can't hate you because I'm more to blame,
I let myself trust you thinking I would be okay.
Thinking about it, felt like shame.
But that all changed on that one cold day..

You showed me another side to our situation,
I am not yours and you, not mine.  
Our lives are not on the same vibration,
And that is perfectly fine.

I've learned to let go, of the past and present.
What presently doesn't do good, I let go of
I won't settle for any discontent.
All things I do, I do with love.

It's almost as if my head is surround by fog,
I don't know which way is up or which way is down.  
My mind has been playing tricks on me
Making me feels things unusual to myself.  
Which way is up and which way is down?
If I choose while I'm this Blind who knows what can happen.
At this point it's chance, fate, what's meant to be.  
Will be.  
Faith and prayer will get me through this turmoil.
Just don't let the fog win.

My tears stem from a place far beyond reach.As much as I try to follow the river of my emotion to its source, it's hidden like buried treasure.  Bits and pieces of memories and hurt flash into my thoughts from time to time.  It reminds me of the most darkest places Ive been in my life. Most importantly it reminds me to keep looking ahead.  I can dwell on my past consistently, mindlessly causing myself turmoil. Causing me to predict my own downfall and destruction. In reality, what I predict only happens because I expect it to.  How can I expect myself to change or grow when I'm constantly doubting my own being and potential.  I was placed on this Earth for something much bigger than my mind can even fathom; we all are. The one common mission we were all entrusted with is to spread and to be love. Except we not only need to spread love to all those around, but we need to accept it as well. The darkest place that we as humans can experience in our minds is insecurity. Insecurity can lead us down an unintended road of hurt.  It can stem from the people in your surroundings, yes, but the worst comes from within. So many people take experiences that are out of their control and constantly wound their own hearts with hurt. You can lie to yourself all you want about how you aren't good enough and if you were only a certain way you would see change and happiness Sprout into your life. That is one hundred percent a lie. Happiness truly does come from within, it stems from a place of purpose.  Once you realize that you are not just coincidentally born into a magical planet that happens to be suspended in the middle of an endless universe, you will find happiness. The reason being that at that moment, you will  understand there has, is and will always be something bigger and more complex working in your favor.  You realize you hurt because you are in the process of a bigger lesson to be learned, and these lessons will allow you to help others to heal as well.  You realize you are not alone in this world, there is always someone hearing your hurt and wishing you just understood how beautiful you are inside and out . From there you start to realize you are and can and will be the change that needs to be seen, but it all starts from a place within. So starting today I'm making a change in this world, and it's starting with myself.  No more doubt, fear, or discomfort in the essence of my God created being.  I was made to look, feel, love, hurt and care exactly the way I do now. Denying the fact that I was made in the most perfectly imperfect way, to me, is equivalent to denying my whole existence.  I am who I am and I will attract those that are meant to stay, those that will help me grow and even those that will cause me hurt.  But in the end it will all be the same; lessons.  Lessons of trust, deceit, love, friendship and fallacies. But knowing this, that every experience is beneficial to you in some type of way, you start to see that miracles happen every breathing second that you're alive. Thus, slowly this world will start to change and we can one day evolve into the love that God intended for us all

Even though I placed myself here,
Wandering why I feel neglect and sorrow.  
My feelings are always sincere,
Even with no garuntee tomorrow.  

I've come to realize  that the hurt is much deeper,
Deeper than I myself can even fathom.  
But life moves on and hills get steeper,
You just got to go out and charge ‘em.  

Hurt doesn't always stick around,
It likes to choose its victims wisely.
Once you let your negativity become unbound,
You stop treading through life blindly.  

Take joy in those little moments that **** a tear,
That means you're alive !
Just go with the flow my pretty little dear,
Don't let them break your strive!

Letting my mind unfold
I see how the treasures of the universe are untold
Curious thoughts course through my veins
And I ask that God remove my stains

"The world can be cruel and unforgiving," he speaks
"but my beautiful child wipe those tears off your cheeks."
All of a sudden I feel a sense of light around my soul,
as if my own mind was no longer in control.

My doubts and fears were released
And deep inside I was no longer a tortured beast
I had found my purpose in this life we all share
and I see people no longer living in despair

You see my beautiful people around the Earth
All it takes is a mindset re-birth
Change the way you see this beautiful place
and we can spread the love all across space

Smile at a stranger that you've never known,
they may have hurts never to be shown.
Help out someone in need of a kind heart,
and when there's peace in this world, we were the start

<3