It's not that I feel you owe me something

I feel the universe owes me something

For the love and time I invested

I meant nothing to you and that's not fair

Why do you get to walk away so cleanly?

Why am I still here months after you left?

Time heals but it is slow and painful

I crawl inch by inch

We were something right?

Or does it matter now that we are nothing?

I can't seem to wrap my head around that

How are you a stranger now?

Why do I have all this useless information in my head?What do I do with it?

Your favorite author
Your favorite color
The way you cringe during scary parts in movies
The sound of your gentle cute snores
The story of pooh flowers
That you're allergic to cats
That you like puzzles
How you take your coffee (two cream two sugar)

I kept a list, did you know that? I kept a list of everything that was important to you. I did not want to forget any of it. I wanted to put it in a book. A book of you.

I just wanted you to stay.

How did I not know that how I was is what pushed you away? How did I not see what I was doing?

Why is it that all I have now is the late night searches on social media? Why is it that I can't resist looking? Why is it that seeing you can still make me smile? Why can't I let go? Why can't I move on?

I fight looking you up. My heart races, my stomach feels empty, I take one big breathe and search.

Waiting, expecting to find that you're with another. Relief when no mention is seen.

Why do I feel I lost?

I didn't know I was in a competition.

Why am I still here? Why can't I let go?

I want you out. I want you gone.

I want you to text me....