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Dec 2018 · 113
Why Am I Still Heartbroken?
C Dec 2018
It's not that I feel you owe me something

I feel the universe owes me something

For the love and time I invested

I meant nothing to you and that's not fair

Why do you get to walk away so cleanly?

Why am I still here months after you left?

Time heals but it is slow and painful

I crawl inch by inch

We were something right?

Or does it matter now that we are nothing?

I can't seem to wrap my head around that

How are you a stranger now?

Why do I have all this useless information in my head?What do I do with it?

Your favorite author
Your favorite color
The way you cringe during scary parts in movies
The sound of your gentle cute snores
The story of pooh flowers
That you're allergic to cats
That you like puzzles
How you take your coffee (two cream two sugar)

I kept a list, did you know that? I kept a list of everything that was important to you. I did not want to forget any of it. I wanted to put it in a book. A book of you.

I just wanted you to stay.

How did I not know that how I was is what pushed you away? How did I not see what I was doing?

Why is it that all I have now is the late night searches on social media? Why is it that I can't resist looking? Why is it that seeing you can still make me smile? Why can't I let go? Why can't I move on?

I fight looking you up. My heart races, my stomach feels empty, I take one big breathe and search.

Waiting, expecting to find that you're with another. Relief when no mention is seen.

Why do I feel I lost?

I didn't know I was in a competition.

Why am I still here? Why can't I let go?

I want you out. I want you gone.

I want you to text me....
30 Dec 2018
Dec 2018 · 150
You Ruin My Night
C Dec 2018
The truth is, I want to talk to you
The truth is, I look forward to your text
The truth is, when you do it consumes me

I go crazy
Thoughts of you fill my mind

The truth is, I miss talking to you
The truth is, I want to see you again

I hide this
Deny this
Avoid confronting this

The truth is, when you text me
…..it ruins my night

Do you know?
Do you feel the same?

Will I ever know?
Will it ever matter?

The truth is, I need to think you text me when you’re bored
The truth is, I need to think you have no feelings towards me
The truth is, I need to think you couldn’t care less

The truth is, I really hope none of these are true…

The truth is, I want you to text me
The truth is, I want to see you
The truth is, I miss you

The truth is, when you text me,
…..it ruins my night.
19 Nov 2016
Dec 2018 · 102
Pollution of the Mind (1)
C Dec 2018
Mind polluted by thoughts of you
Can’t get all the clutter out.

IRONY?

You are the solution to my pollution
Memories feel like daggers to my heart.
No cure. No evasion. Just deal.

It hurts.

Why? Why did I let this happen?
Follow heart, followed heart to pain.
Did I have a choice?
Lesson in this?
Jaded I will become.

Lesson over.

Learned nothing.
I hurt = I get hurt
Push away -> who I am
Do things to spend time w/you
Memories cause pain
Do you think of me?

Pain is my teacher
April 2010
Dec 2018 · 625
Independently Dependent
C Dec 2018
Nights
Are
The
Worst

Miss
You
The
Most

Deja
Vu?
Was
I
H­ere
Before?

In
A
Sense
Yes.

You
Were
My
Dream.

Now

Thoughts
Of
You
Are
My
Nightmare

I….
Miss­
You….
26 April 2010
Dec 2018 · 218
In this Moment
C Dec 2018
In this moment,
you are beautiful to me.

In this moment,
you are the only one who exists.

In this moment,
you are the one I want to hold and kiss.

In this moment,
nothing else matters.

In this moment,
this fleeting moment,
I love you.

I love you more than anyone I have ever loved or ever will love.

In this moment,
I picture my life with you.

In this moment,
I picture vacations we would take.

In this moment,
I see us making love.

In this moment,
I see nothing else but you.

…..but that was just a moment.
Moments don't last.
….this one,
didn’t last.
10 Nov 2016
Dec 2018 · 1.1k
I Tried
C Dec 2018
Try

In the end, I can say I tried
I may fall
I may stumble
I may cry
I may crumble

In the end, I can say I tried

Heartbreak
Loneliness
Failure
Pain

In the end, I can say I tried
Pain
Failure
Loneliness
Heartbreak

Will happen if I don’t

Try, Try, and Try once more
One day, one day I will get it right
Till then I will sit tight
AND Try

In the end, I can say I tried
26 Oct 2010

— The End —