I tried to peel back the layers of you -
layers you had not
or would not yet
face.
I wanted to get down to the root
of all the mysteries you hold within.
I wanted to see the things you hide
and the thoughts you keep safe
from the world.
I wanted to know you -
to truly know you
as a complex being across time
and space and oceans
above,
a companion in this life.

I don't speak,
I listen,
when the truth gets too hard to admit.
I don't cry,
I swallow,
every hurtful thing people have said.

I run away,
I fake,
I bury,
I break,
apart at every seam

I act,
and I pretend,
I always forget,
how much it really means.

Every time you hear me speak I'm screaming,
whether you can even hear me or not.
Every time you look at me I'm crying,
whether you can see the tears or not.
Don't believe the face you see
all ******* in a bow,
'cause night time is when it all unravels.

Every day I wake up
hearing voices yell in my head.
It never dies until I fall
into my sweet warm bed.

I scream
and I proceed.
I block out everything.
I live it all alone.

I kick,
and then I bleed.
I wait until I'm free
of all these walls inside of me.

Every day you hear me speak I'm screaming,
whether you can even hear me or not.
Every time you look at me I'm crying,
whether you can see the tears or not.
Don't believe the face you see
all ******* in a bow,
'cause night time is when it all unravels.

Those nights
When  you just lie there
And stare into space
And that feeling of your heart being ripped and tossed
Is on loop
With the same song playing over
And over
And over
Again
your eyes shut and the numbness ceases with your dreams
But you wake up
With your sheets stained of tear dried mascara
And that raw feeling
And your lips pale
Because the pain doesn’t stop when he’s gone