I placed all my worthiness into your nurturing hands and you cared for me seemingly unconditionally so I believed you only wanted the very best for me until I knew you didn’t I grieve many losses but there’s one in particular within its cervical grooves that I am deeply entrenched tugging on my heartstrings is this yearning to heal but I’m trapped inside the core of every infected cell with the incurable mother wound
I am in denial of this untouchable pain I cannot heal Where does tenderness go when I am not enough? as shards of shame pieces of this shattered soul collect themselves in my fascia intertwining misery around bones and dulling my light with their dense shadows
A collection of masks hang neatly behind my closet door ready to cover up vulnerability willing to wage war aloof, pretty, **** and sweet, being more than enough to all I meet rebellious, witty, charming and mean willing to do anything not to be seen I’ve worn them all they’ve all worn me out
I must be ready to heal surrender to uncertainty be willing to feel nourish emotional pain with compassion to be real to give vulnerability centre stage and free my tenderness from its desolate cage it’s only when I unmask the concealed will this shattered soul finally heal
I gaze in awe as black branches paint themselves onto a sleepy skyline haunting the stillness of morn they stretch at the gesture of light shadows yearning to linger across drifts of delicate snow I contemplate the illusion upon my own reflection and regret storing your love in escrow
We devour time like it’s our last meal gorging on the future’s ideals as we forgo the delectable dessert of Now we savour dried crumbs of the past long after the expiry date unaware they are mouldy and stale repeatedly consuming it’s poison all the while wondering why we feel so sick inside
2/5/19 reflecting on The human condition of avoiding the present moment and the suffering we endure because of it. Ignorance is not always bliss.