melissa rose Jun 30
They say I have courage
But I’m living a lie
Voices from years past
fuel the terror inside

There’s room to grow
“Just surrender, just let go”
You’re not living in the past
It’s not your home

The outside world
Looks different, that’s true
but the story inside
will never let me break through

Painful lessons
Just coping to survive
and now you’re suggesting
I have the courage to thrive!

You may think you see
great potential in me
but the truth is
I will never be free

Not until I see
Great potential in me
and the truth is
Maybe I’m just too terrified
to be free
melissa rose Jun 25
Blue skies
Warm winds
The sun glistening
on my winter skin
Trees lengthen branches
and sprout their wings
A joyful birdsong echoes
in a sea of green
Bees lustfully caressing
flowers in bloom
Young lovers falling
into a swoon
Summertime energy
Is all around
But the emptiness inside
has already filled me
to the brim
6/25/18 #deepsadness #trauma #healing #writingsoothes
melissa rose Jun 24
You’ve woven the deepest of sorrows
neatly into my seams
and I hang by a thread
tattered and stained

Stripped completely naked
Your foul waters filled the womb
I let you seep into my bones
My magnificence selfishly consumed

Feeling irreparably broken
For much of my life
You said I was never good enough
and I believed every cruel lie

I spend too much time gazing
out the window with despair
The Chief who lives in the Evergreen
perceives my need for repair

Hope does not rise
with the morning sun
So I seek solace in the stars
a fleeting distraction

How do I unleash
your merciless grip?
While the insecurity you created
tightens the noose around my neck
melissa rose Jun 21
Her life fragmented
like shattered glass
too intricate to piece together
and I gaze in disbelief
at the reflection
the depth of every
unattended rotting wound
she has abandoned
and I writhe in anger
at sorrow’s failed attempts
to escape the tortures
of imprisonment
rendered by every false hope
she has given birth to
6/21/18 #trauma #healingoldwounds
melissa rose Jun 21
I ripple like water
as you cast your stones
Sinking to inner depths
as I swallow them whole

My body becomes muddy
as each wave hits the shore
I’m visibly choppy
but you keep throwing more

No signs of mercy
as I bubble at the surface
My chaos feeds your sadism
and you become more ruthless

I froth at the mouth
churning in your squall
as I’m nearing the brink
Still waters call

Mist escapes me
as the undercurrent flows
You may have agitated the surface
but the extent of me will never be exposed
melissa rose Jun 20
Who am I that I love a muse?
Composing verse
by light of the moon

Who am I that I cherish the morn?
Inhaling hope from the stillness
of a new dawn

Who am I that I talk to trees?
Embracing their trunks
to connect our energies

Who am I that I adore the blossoms?
Delighting in their beauty
as my hardened heart softens

Who am I that I face adversity?
Weathering each storm
with emotional security

Who am I that I walk with courage?
Stepping into the darkness
knowing through it I will flourish

Who am I draped in compassion?
Driven to abolish suffering
for unity consciousness expansion

Who am I that I display affection?
Care and consideration of others
with the greatest of intentions

Who am I that I yearn to know?
My connection to the universe
and purpose in its flow

Who am I that I suffer alone?
In the depths of ego
I remain disconnected from the whole

Who am I when I accept my identity?
One soul attuned to the richness of life
committing to serenity
melissa rose Jun 18
Were you truly prepared
At the age of twenty-three
to bring your first born into the world
and unconditionally love me?

You said I was a mistake.
But is that really the truth?

Did you know whom he was
when you two first met?
That he would never meet your needs
and you would settle for that?

You said he was rebellious.
So why did you commit?

Were you over your head
when your son made three?
Did you contemplate leaving
before he slept with Sherry?

You said he wasn’t trustworthy.
So why did you stay?

What made you decide
it was for the best
to alienate my daddy
and keep me oppressed?

You said he didn’t love us.
But did he really say that?

When did manipulation
become such a tool?
And why are you so selfish?
What happened to you?

You said you had a good childhood.
But who didn’t nurture you?

Was the little girl adored
cherished and blessed?
Or did terror control you
through your dad and his fists?

You said he was a professional boxer.
Was it gloves off outside the ring?

Was she truly prepared
flying thousands of miles away?
She left a loving family
Did she know the price she would pay?

You said she struggled everyday.
Why did Grandpa abandon her, why didn’t he stay?

Why were you often so out of control?
Yelling and hitting us so much
Do you know how terrifying that was?
Were you really so unhappy with us?

You said you did your best.
Did you know that wasn’t good enough?

Who tore the love
from your little girl’s heart?
Who stole your innocence
and blackened your heart?

You said your memory was bad.
Did you bury the answers deep inside?

Why did you see me
as a caregiver to you?
At five years old
I wouldn’t have known what to do

You said I was your confidante.
Will you ever know the damage you’ve done?

Do you long for acceptance
like I do every day?
Will you ever understand
why I had to walk away?

I know you remain a child of war.
So will I ever stop expecting you to love me more?
6/18/18 #intergenerational #trauma #time2heal #mother-wound
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