We might as well
*stop believing.

I should be studying
but I'm not,
I should be living
and I'm not
but how can I study
when everything feels so
meaningless,
how can I live
when I see no point
in trying
anymore?

I can't see,
I can't hear,
I can't feel.

He fell in love with her
the moment he met her
and didn't stop loving her
until he saw
what she looked like
after three hours of crying
and shaking in fear.

They all fell in love with her
and they all stopped
when she needed them
the most.

I fell in love with her
two years and four months
after I met her,
after I saw her
with her hair down
and no make up on
when she had been crying
for three days straight
and I haven't stopped
ever since.

J. stopped dealing
with his problems
and started dealing
drugs.

S. forgot
to to her homework
and one day she forgot
to eat.

M. stopped painting
on canvas
and started painting
on her wrists.

D. hung up
the phone
and then he hung
himself.

We thought we were
growing up.
Turns out we were just
dying.

"May I love you
and cherish you
until death
do us apart?"

"Isn't that
illegal?"

I woke up today
with the make up from last night
still on
and I listened to my own heartbeat
for three hours straight
wondering
how could I make it stop.

I saw my own body
in a white dress
with perfect make up on
buried six feet under
and I couldn't help but notice
how stupid my tattoos looked
in there.

I refused to leave the house
without a silver ring
on my pinky finger
as if my life
depended on it
and that was the first time
I heard people
calling me crazy.

I wish I didn't wake up
today
but I did
and they told me
that I should be grateful
for it
but my favourite part of the day
is still those two minutes
when I don't even remember who I am.