I don’t really believe in a one true love or living happily ever after, but I believe in being good for each other. I believe in choices and standing by those choices. I believe in understanding promises and making them. I believe in having someone important enough in my life to make me enjoy compromises.
I don't know how to define love or where the checklist for forever is. Love can't be weighed or measured on a scale, so I've decided to measure love by the way I was before and the way I am now.
I'm not losing myself in you like I usually do, I'm finding myself. You don’t make me who I am or change who I am. Instead, you remind me of who I am. Maybe I would have found myself without you, but I like that you were by my side when it happened. And I choose for you to stay there.
I am a person who is overly sensitive and cries a lot.
And if you don't respond in the exact manner that I've made up in my head you're going to, it means I annoyed you.
(or you're mad at me). (or you don't even like me anymore).
I have this new fear of dying without remembering the last time I was touched.
And I get lonely if I haven't communicated with someone in the past oh, let's say two hours.
(or ten minutes).
I don't always tell people how I feel because I think the way I feel is stupid.
And I'm pretty good at hiding my insecurities.
(or my friends are pretty good at hiding that they know).
I feel the need to constantly remind myself that I'm an important person.
And sometimes I don't believe myself.
(but sometimes I do).
I am a person who acknowledges strangers and celebrates in their happiness.
And I'm pretty good at making people smile with their eyes.
I'm selfless, empathetic, and truthful.
And I'm pretty good at motivating people.
I like to help.
And I'm pretty good at getting along with people who are difficult to get along with.
I listen to others.
And I'm pretty good at hearing them.
Take me as I am. The bad with the good. Like me or don't.
(But please do).
Does it take you the entirety of a slow summer day to fall in love?
Starting with sipping coffee in the company of the chickadees
and ending with conversation sizable enough to fill the Big Dipper.
Or does the feeling crash down on you like a tsunami?
Not quite knowing the cause and not quite caring.
You know, that inability to feel reality during an aftermath.
Maybe you like to resist the inevitable instead.
Pushing love away with bursts of gut air exploding through your teeth.
Coming from the need to control all things, including every motion of your breath.
But I don’t know.
that’s your thing.
See, I’ve been trying to figure that out.
At times I crawl towards love like a starving alligator would towards a deer.
Think about how they drink unsuspectingly from the river. I know it sounds impulsive.
We’re all just trying to survive though.
Like when my head is on your chest and your arms are wrapped around me.
Sometimes I feel so close, yet so far away.
It makes me want to dive into your brain-but then I think you might not like that.
Then I slow down.
And the love I’m feeling reminds me of a *** of water just before its boiling point.
Bubbles full of compassion and trust and admiration coming up to join the little piece of the universe I’m blessed to be a part of.
Like when we’re talking and the words just spew from my mouth.
There’s not a negative feeling in the atmosphere and I feel on top of the world.
Because I’m thankful to have found a friend within love.
There are other times when my heart feels like it’s going to explode.
The emotions are just sitting on the edge of my soul waiting to jump.
You know when the only thing and the last thing you want to do is cry?
Like when you wake up in the middle of the night and I feel you kiss my shoulder.
That’s the feeling of wading in the ocean, and watching fireworks, and cuddling children all rolled into one. A feeling in-between desire and fear.
Then, against my better judgment, I think, “maybe everything does happen for a reason.”
— The End —