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Mel L Jun 2018
There’s no saving my soul,
cause it’s already burning in hell.
Mel L May 2018
Idk how I called out,
But I did,
And I hate myself for it,
For some reason.
How does that possibly make any sense?
I don't know,
I guess it doesn't really matter,
now does it?
Cause there it is,
Already done,
There's no going back,
From here,
No where to go but forward,
None the less,
Even though my feet may still drag,
Scraping on the ground,
There I'm going,
Forward.
Being dragged or not,
It doesn't matter;
People don't care,
As long as I'm "Present",
As long as I'm "there".
Mel L May 2018
I'm in a void,
Just floating in space,
No feeling,
No weight;
Nothing negative,
But also,
Nothing positive,
No frown,
On my face,
But also,
No smile,
No incident happening,
But also,
No fun having,
Just.
Nothingness...
Even though,
The world around me,
Continues on,
Without me,
Barely noticing,
Or caring at all;
I feel
Like I must,
Shout out,
For anyone
To hear
My scream,
But it's muffled by
My own self,
Suffocating me,
From the inside out,
No longer being able to breath,
I scream,
But nobody hears,
Cause it's only in my head,
How could that be,
To me it's so easily,
Heard.
To me,
I am drowning within myself,
In my sorrow,
That came from nowhere,
Existing from seemingly nothing,
The air quickly became water,
Here I am drowning,
And yet,
I'm still expected to breath,
So here I am,
Breathing,
Still.
Somehow.
Depression *****
Mel L May 2018
The angels are calling me,
they're calling my name,
wanting to hear me sing,
instead of scream,
wanting me to fly,
instead of drown,
they're calling to me,
but the voices in my head are louder,
telling me that I can't,
telling me that I'll never be good enough,
that that image I have in my head isn't me,
and that it could NEVER be!
The voice in my head is screaming out to be heard,
but does nothing,
but deafen ME!
cause no one else can hear,
or can there be?

The angels are always there,
watching over ever so patiently,
for the day that may never come,
that I'll do right by them,
that I'll muffle out that loud mouthed voice that's always inside of me,
but sadly I'll never be free,
cause that voice IS ME.

When will I realize that the angels believe in me,
especially when I don't believe in myself,
they're always there watching, praying and looking out for me,
even if I don't always acknowledge it...

So thank you,
from both of me.

-me & myself
Mel L Oct 2016
There is no point,
   there is no end,
Once begins,
   continues again,

There is no cure,
   no easy fix,
No easy way,
   to get rid,

Once it starts,
   never ends,
Not just once,
   but never again,

There is no way,
   to run from it,
No way to hide,
   no way to rid,

Nothing to do,
   no way to escape,
Once it comes,
   this doom-your fate.
Mel L Mar 2016
I've lost my mind
but no one will know,
cause I've got a mask
that let's nothing true show...
Mel L Feb 2016
The water rises,
as my nose dives in,
into this fear that's growing,
but yet not showing.
I soon will be drowning,
not coughing on water-
but yet choke on fear-
as I've awoke the fight or flight within-
that feels like the punishment of all my sins,
it seems to last forever,
wish upon this to another-
I would never,
for it is torture,
I know nothing more sure-
than how horrible it is to be stuck within yourself
in the midst of its own war,
I feel the end coming deep in my core.

And I-
will be the only casualty.
Anxiety is a *****. You're the only one who truly experiences the horrors when a panic attack happens, nobody truly sees or understands. It's a solo war against yourself in which you are the only casualty. But yet you somehow survive and then eventually go on to go through it all over again and again, day after day...
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