So tell me did it happen?
Are you real or make believe?
I keep thinking it didn't happen,
but then I hear your shadow whispering:

"Follow me into the bedroom,
kiss me here, and make me sigh,
please don't stop, i want this to happen...
let me hold you in my eyes"

So tell me did it happen?
Are you real or make believe?
They tell me it didn't happen,
but still my heart, it does see
my mind longs to lie to me,
to make me see what
my heart wants me to see.

So tell me did it happen,
are you real or make believe?

There is a sadness inside of me, that threatens the core my being. It lives and breathes inside of me. I try to stamp it down, to pin it's spiraling tentacles here and there, leaving them set to infect only very small areas. But this sadness and I are one of the same organisms. If I move, it moves, It wiggles it's way free and starts creeping up on me, first in my dreams and then it works it's way into my reality. It settles in my chest and expands, leaving me slightly gasping for breath as it won't let me breathe...the panic builds and slowly consumes me. And I'm lost. Lost to the sadness. Lost in the sadness.










And then I find me. I pull myself up, and lock the sadness down, encase it in concrete inside of me, inside of my heart. And I harden. Slowly the sadness is turning my heart to concrete. Beat by beat it slows. Until the transformation is complete. Strong to the core, stronger than ever before, my sadness and me.

youve caught me between a hello and a goodbye,
right in the middle of my incessant high.
wait. no, thats a lie.
youve got me between a goodbye and hello,
where your scent still lingers on my pillow,
fueling this high that keeps me on this rollarcoaster ride.

Would you walk a mile?
Just to make someone smile,
Give anything just to make their while?


Would you cry for them,
To ease their pain?
Would you change all your ways?
Sit in the car and yell at the rain,
For them?
.

Would you travel all over the earth,
To prove their worth,
Or wander the world,
To tell them of your love?


Would you forget all wrong?
And know only love,
Be courageous and strong,
When they've had enough?


Would you sit there and listen,
When all they can do is yell?
Would you sit there and help,
While they walked through their own hell?


Would you love them forever?
No matter what?
Through hate and mistrust,
Could you survive, or would you rust?

I could tell you my hopes,
I could tell you my dreams.
But you'd just sell me some story,
take my money, and leave.

there's a light that shines upon a tree
in the garden of Eden,
and under this tree there's a marvelous bench,
carved from stone,
just one bench, standing alone.

upon this bench their soul's will wait,
until the other is calling from the garden's gate.
that's where they'll stay together forever,
in eternity.

there's a light that shines upon on a tree
in the garden of Eden,
and underneath the tree there's a bench,
a marvelous bench carved from stone,
a marvelous bench standing all alone,
upon this bench our souls will be known,
hand in hand, awaiting their journey home.

it creeps upon her now,
so cold and unwilling to let down.
mercy is not in its wake,
and i dont know how much of this i can take.

ive hated her as long as i can remember,
and ive awaited this week for two years come December.
but days have passed,
and the time is here,
and right now its for my mother that i fear.

im not so sure how i take this.
i don't know yet if im hurt,
or if i am to be saddened.
ive hated this woman for as long as i can remember...
but that was before death stole her picture.

shes been his target for quite some time,
even been willing to offer a helping hand,
but now shes the victim, now his fight has begun,
and shes to weak, to small, to fragile to ever say she's won.

realization has settled in now,
and im not nearly as cold as i once was,
but do i show care, compassion and love,
to a woman who never showed it to me?

i guess ill wait until her death day,
and see what emotions that brings.



her death day has come and passed,
and emotions i felt at last.
July 21, 2007
tears filled my eyes as she entered into heaven.

a lifetime wasted,
for the last few years of her life
it was my hate she had tasted.

saddened my heart is now,
that i didn't try to forgive her somehow.

listen to this and take heed,
a life full of hate is not what you need.
find some way to forgive,
and you'll have found a new way to live.



don't harbor hate,
once they're gone
you'll only end up
hating yourself
for your ignorance.