sometimes life's a little funny
and we just never know
after the morning wakes and yawns
what events the day will throw

In fact, it doesnt matter if
the sky is gray or blue
when you step back and think
the choice is up to you

I really like to smile
I really hate bad news
but  somtimes life's a little funny
and we end up with a bruise

though, remember those clouds
you thought to be quite mean
there's always rays of sunshine
you could have never seen

yes, things will happen
and we lose our will to try
yes, sometimes life's a little funny
and it makes us want to cry

but that's why nearby
there's always a hand
to reach out and help with
beginning to stand

we feel up, we feel down
scared there's no place to land
but sometimes life's a little funny
and we start to understand

that
everything will be ok
and some things
never end

I was thinking
skeleton fingers, all joints and points, are a lot like
my pencil
bare,  hard, with these cuts here and there that
I don't remember making, I don't remember happening
it would make the same screech
as nails against a blackboard
that scream of desperation, or is it anger, or is it fun
well anyway my blackboard is paper
harmless..thin..blank..
 ----------
|                |
|                |       <-------  see. blank. just laying there, anticipating.
|________|
even when the goal is
Everything.
wishing to pull together a string of words
--------la tee da---------there once was------------the end-----------the beginning------------
unfortunately, they all just hang there
                                         a
                                      little
                  ­           like ornaments
                         on a Christmas tree
                     but instead of sparkling
                like all good laughter and songs
           they sort of hang there with sad curves.
      these bits of gray. I wonder if they even form          
  letters. Really I  just see all sorts of crazy symbols                
                            crazycrazycra­zy                            
                           symbols symbols
                           crazycrazycrazy

Tripped and fell today
wasn't watching myself
all these twigs, stupid rocks, mud
so much mud. ugh
it's all over my feet
seriously, it's a feat to go without the
accidental step you hope no one saw    
keep your eyes up- idiot....
then at least you'll be
prepared

and when you make it to the end of the road/path/decision/idea/goal
success! (it's alright that mud will come right out no worry necessary)
stretch your hand out to me
ill give it a good shake, show you a firm pat on the back
ouch?
oh-yeah I know, sorry
forgive my bony fingers      
and let me know if you ever need a pencil

I could say I told you so
but id only be talking to myself

it's quite obvious that
this is new
stretching out my legs and
walking
              walking around without a plan
                                 without those thoughts
                                                          those ideas
                                                           ­                         that one dream.......
                                      (it was so lovely)..........
it's alright my [love] friend, to admit that you still believe that. I know you do. I know.
yes, it'll be weird
walking around              
without you

yeah, of course i'm
numb
I will be, for a long time
yet just like when
I sit cross legged
on a couch or red plastic chair
and the feeling is lost
in what becomes rubber limbs

once I begin to move
not shifting positions, not trying to stay comfortable
when I really
stand up and start
doing all that walking
                                    walking
             ­                               walking
                          ­         walking
                       walking
the feeling shoots back

at first it is so
harsh and unyielding
I think I might never move
without this fire striking me down
well frankly I don't want to
fall anymore
I just,
I just don't

                                                          ­                                      I went looking and I found you
                                                             ­                                   and it was just like it was, but it was fleeting
                                                        ­                                        you looked me in the eyes, in the eyes
                                                            ­                                    said it was wrong, this didn't change a thing
                                                           ­                                     and when you walked away (because you were able to)
                                                             ­                                   you didn't look back, not once                
                                                                ­  I clutched my heart and watched you go until I couldn't see you anymore
                                                         ­                                       that was when I too, turned the page
                                                            ­                                                              


­so.....

I tell myself to
just keep letting my shoes hit the
pavement
and soon that tingling rush of pain
will subside
and it will be ok

and it will be ok

I reject the words that were like
honey on a bitter dessert
only hiding the
true taste

they are revealed
to be
silly wishes
that were whispered
in secret
and in vain
to an ear that had stopped listening
awhile ago

very well then
it seems I have been humming this
string of notes
all to myself
and they have been unbearable to endure
alone
yet I thought
I hoped
I did not just sing to an
empty room
but to the bigger picture

which would continue to become more
ornate
and continue to stun
only me

only me
ok
I'll get used to it
soon I beg
for the action of blankly watching my ceiling
every night
just won't do

I want to dream
instead

now i'll try
but only because you
asked so nicely

it's interesting to know
the truth is
the only thing
the.ONLY.thing.
that will stand- vivid and tall
right next to you
through all the madness
and it will keep you company
whether that's to a good place
or a bad place
and you can be sure that
it wont change
it wont hold back
it wont worry
when it stares you in the face
with the look of a bull that sees red
and releases upon you
answers.

Well.
it's super, really-super
to know that tiny glimmer of light
at the end of this black tunnel
was my imagination
thanks truth!!!
Now if you don't mind
and you DON'T
I think i'll turn around
and start walking out in the sunlight

and you won't see me again
for a long time

for that, little fake glimmer
is what you asked for

I want to memorize the way you
didn't show up