The feeling I get when I think of you moving on isn't what I expected
I'm not sad or hurt
I'm not even angry or jealous
I don't long for you,  I don't wish you would take me back
I don't even think of you until THAT song comes on the radio
But when I think of you moving on while I'm stuck in this rut of being alone
Its almost too much to bear
Not because I want you but because I feel like I lost
I have that nauseating feeling of time running out at the end of a game and being down by 3
I don't want or need you anymore
I just want to be wanted and needed
M y longing for someone else is more painful then losing you ever was.

Why do we always come back to this
this feeling
its not fair
I feel it and you're fine
you pretend you care and you do and say things under the guise of caring
what you're trying to do is control
I'm over it.
You do not get that big of a say in my life.
But the worst part is every time we hit one of these walls I go through the same pain again
I want to forget the fights
I want to forget the good times
I want to forget you.
Be kind one last time and let me move on over you
We cannot be friends when the dynamic of our friendship has never changed
We're too close--
It just hurts too much to be your friend.

Above it all everything seems untouchable, impenetrable, detached
But down below there's turmoil and sadness and happiness and accomplishment
People ill never know and probably never meet with their own personalities problems and successes
But from above they aren't real and I'm protected from their influence.
So I guess I'm the untouchable one.

It's been months since I stopped feeling anything for you
A year since I met you
But why does my subconscious continue to cry on your behalf time after time ?

Wasted on tequila
Wasted a night
Wasted 120$
Wasted my best friends time
Wasted opportunity
Wasted cab fare
Gained knowledge and strength

I didn't realize it would be this hard-
Going back to how things used to be
Who would've known 4 years could be erased with one fight
But the things you said..
Did you mean them?
Could you mean them?
How could you?
Whenever we talk now it feels contrived
But I'd like to get back to where we used to be
I hope I don't regret this.

You used to be the bright spot in my day
You used to hold me and everything would be ok
We were by no means perfect
We would fight about things that didn't matter till I left the room screaming  
I gave you my heart-
But that wasn't enough
Whatever we had has been long broken
You no longer symbolize anything to me but loss and pain
I always wanted to be with you
But now I never will.