everyone
                                                                ­    has
       different
ways
                            of coping
                 mine
                                                     seems to be
   a type
                     or
                                        form
         of
                             shutting
                  d
                                    ­                                   o
      w
                                           n
                                                               ­                                                                i create brick walls
                                                           ­                                                                 ­   to hide myself
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    when i'm scared
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    or too vulnerable
                                                      ­                                                                 ­        to handle what's going on
                                                              ­                                                                 and i hide myself
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    under a veil
                                                            ­                                                                 ­  of a strong person
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    when really
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    i'm still crying
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    not too far down

i might look right old average
                      brown hair
                      brown eyes
                      average build
                      average weight
but no
  i'm not average
                     i'll give your **** back
                     with a smile
i'll move on
with a laugh
                     i'll get over you
                     with whatever i can
              no, i'm not saying i'm a *****
i loved you
still do
                        but no, you took it
                        and left me for dead
     i gave you everything
     and only expected a smile
     or laugh
     simply you, happy
                                 i do have a heart
                                                         so i gave
                                and was happy to give
in the end
   yeah there's an end
                         you left
leaving behind one last package behind
filled with lies
complete with a ribbon and kiss
                                                  well you know what?
                i sent it back
        full; i kept none of your lies
             complete with a ribbon, a kiss
     a smile
                                  and no return address
            i sent it back
—keep the memories for both of us, i'm struggling enough—

i don't know you at all
yeah i've read your poetry
but i don't really know you
pretty girl, stay, please
death is harsh
i know it is
it kills others around you
not just the suicider
please pretty girl
stay
pretty girl i'll talk to you
but please stay
it's your choice pretty girl
but it'd be nice if you stayed
pretty girl please stay x

in panic attacks
  my brain sings
la la la la
                i'll be okay
  la la la la la
remember to breathe
       la la la la
what's breathing?
  la la la la
          who're you?
do do do
   what'd you want?
  do de do la
help help help
            lalalala
it'll be fine
lalaladodododa
                           help

i'm falling like the snow
        you promised we'd play in
my tears fall like the rain
        you promised we'd kiss in
i'm shaking like autumn leaves
        you promised we'd dance in
i'm dying like the roses
        you promised to give me
  
   you broke your promise to live
           can't i break mine?

true,
   this one just requires
an overdose
of whatever pills

where's my noah bear?
what's going on?
who are you?
why did my noah go?
where did he go?
where's my love?
you're not him
go away imposter
liar where is he?

broken empty alive
wanting to die

desperate hands clasping branches
            forcing the limbs to shake
            just as much as hands
                    the of the climber
    leaves and new buds are torn off
                     tears
                    blood
                    sweat
           is smeared on the tree
                                             a rope
is tied around the strongest bough
    the rope is coarse and chafes
                       skin and bark
a dead weight pulls
the branch bends with added weight
the coarse rope holds dead life
the snap is bone and branch
blood and tree sap spills
                   yet only one natural thing lived
                   how does the tree feel about this?

people are always changing walls
                   new paint
                            wall paper
                            filling holes
                            knocking them down
walls would be so self conscious
    no one likes them
    the way they are

"enemies hurt
but friends hurt more"
is truer than anything
i've even known

i doubt my reason for living
                    without my love

i just discovered a shot glass
            filled with a handful of white painkiller pills
i wish i hadn't
                  now i know they're there
                  now i have to try and forget they're there
                  now i have to stop myself from swallowing them all
i wish i hadn't
   oh how i wish i hadn't found them

i told you i was

sitting on the floor in the kitchen
with my laptop
and empty coffee cup
and a spoon

then continued to say

i am so broken
the definition of broken

you replied with:

i'm sorry, but that was adorable

*how is my being broken
sitting on the floor in the kitchen
with a spoon
empty coffee cup
and laptop
"adorable"?

just the fact that i made
     you
smile today
            made me smile
  which made you smile
more
  and more
                           until we were both
                     grinning from ear                                    to ear
       because
i made you smile

the wall seems to be unaffected by my apologies

i punched a wall, many times today

             i should apologise to it, it did nothing wrong

my head*
        hurts *so much

no i'm not in denial either
    i just haven't felt the need to eat
and when i do
                   i feel sick
i promise
    i'm not anorexic
    or in denial
                                  just not eating well

innuendo sushi is usher asking Sienese disowns shown plops aside ask dud
                    NCOs debs downwind UBS mayo Iowa. Laos Nissan seis *** so enemies Sandusky snails used iOS somehow Owen haikus eye owl ensues diss worsens skinned unique.
     ushers witted hub woman's newish naval cavity sis wish lend USB

[rage typing doesn't work with auto correct]

myheadisreallyheavy
     ithurtsalot
                  myeyesarereallydroopy
ithinkineedsomesleep

nothing like reflecting what you feel on the inside