The last night I spoke with you
I was walking to the house
looking up at the night sky and all its wonders
and a single rain drop fell from the clouds
and landed right on the middle of my forehead

Astounded and taken aback
I walked all the way home with my arms outstretched
wanting to feel more of the rain

But I did not
Only that one single kiss from the heavens

And so I walked through the door
Unknowingly so that it would be the last that'd lead me to you

That night you laid out all your jewelry in front of me
And you told me the story behind each piece
The way you laid it all out was so beautiful
and I tried so hard to not cry.
And I didn't.
But I wish I did.

every time I find a strand of your hair
I fall to pieces
every time I think of your laugh
I crumble and wither
every time I see your daughters tossing and turning
I ache
because I know they're looking for you

Maybe it would be better,
if I didn't wake up tomorrow morning

Because then maybe if anything,
I could wake up with you

we are like broken records
you and i
spiraling around and around each other
whispering and declaring
promising and always cherishing
the mantras of our undying love.

my essence and my being
my awakened spirit within my soul
my fire and air
my despair and my desires

the carousal in head
spinning round and round
the  pendulum  in my mind swaying
back and forth
back
and forth
back
and forth
keeping me in balance
keeping me in place
with you

Which is all I ever want to be

Sometimes you make me quake within my chest
and my hands ball up into fists.
Sometimes you make me bite my lip so hard I bleed
and throw my fists too hard against the wall and bruise.

During those times my heart goes thumpthumthumpthumpthump
while I'm trying so ******* desperately not to scream.

My knuckles become white and my vision becomes blurred
my hands reach up to make them stop...
The dripdripdripping.

You are the sarcastic stain in my words.

You are the scoff in my laugh.

The dragging in my steps and the scar on my side.

I’m restraining myself,

I’m holding it all in.

But I will always be searching for your empty laugh.

And waiting for your restless phone calls.

You will always be the unwelcoming sun,

that casts my darkest of shadows.