The morning after is always quite, as she works tirelessly
Burying her thoughts and her words in her work
While he sits emotionless, purposefully oblivious
Lying to himself that the bottle isn’t a problem
His eyes have certain emptiness inside
She plays strong but could cry on the drop of a dime
I try and hide, make myself small stay outa sight
A childhood defensive technique, trying not to die
Ya fight night bell ringing
Downstairs as they screaming
Crowd of two crying
Cause these walls ain’t thick enough
The music ain’t loud enough
The cuts ain’t deep enough
To drown out the voices
Cause long after they stop
They’ll ring out
Inside my mind,
I try not to fall back in time
Hands shaking, eyes crying, lips lying, mind wishing
It would all be all right; things would work out, and in the morning I would wake from this dreadful dream of mine.

What kind of man, do you think I am
What do you see when you look at me
Would you call me your own when I stand before the throne

I wanna know
I have to know

When I look in the mirror all is see is the mistakes I've made
I see sins and transgressions that lead me away
I see broken peaces held together with strings

I hold you to your promises
But I don't keep my word
I let the world seep in
And to the outside I play pretend

So I ask,
what kind of man do you think I am
So what do you see when you look at me
Most importantly,
Would you call me your own when I stand before your throne

I have to know
Give me the strength to know
Its killing me

If you see me the way I see
Then let Jesus stand before me
His blood washing me clean
 
God let me be a man empowered by thee
Lord break my heart for what breaks yours
Emanuel please walk with me.

Walk with me
Walk with me
Walk with me
And we will go and see

Just some thoughts I had while working today. I got home and couldn't wait to put cords to it and it turned out beautifully.

They say we’re crazy
Chasing stupid millennial dreams
Too far fetched they seem and sometimes we agree
But secretly we hope and pray they become reality

Excuse the interruption but does this sound familiar for anybody else?

“Big house on its second mortgage, and a camper for when we feel like downsizing prison.
Cars each on a different loan, manicured lawn because we must show status in everything.
Monday, he cheated with the bottle and she cheated in her heart
Tuesday, sister came home late crying eyes because the arms of her last lover were just like her fathers
Wednesday was surprisingly peaceful, but unnerving, as sunny days were far and few between
Thursday I saw father sitting on the floor his last straw a piece of paper
Friday mother sat in the car for an extra twenty minutes starring blankly at the door
Saturday was fight night
Sunday we went to church and pretended it was all alright”

I’m sorry if my pursuit in life is simply this: Happiness.
If it looks like a retrofitted van and I live like a bum because I never want to fight about little green men
Or, if it was a tiny home that her and I could reasonably afford on land far away from the city lights and temptations that come at night
It’s something about the fights we could hear through thick walls that drove us mad inside
And now we chase peace and calm through any means
Because that’s something that cannot be bought despite our parents thoughts

I started out with a completely different poem but somehow it morphed into this as I delved into my thoughts. The more I think about my generation and our obsession with tiny homes and little joys in life I believe this is what drives us to this way of life.
X

Angel Eyes with the Devil living inside
would you leave me be because I can't sleep
I lie awake at night with you on my mind
replaying the time when you kissed me under the sheets

I loved you and I never lied

We walked the nights under neon lights, and you showed me the other side of life
We ran wild and crazy through the streets, then crashed hard and talked real deep
Oh and you kissed me under the sheets

You made me feel alive
And you were a breath of fresh air upon my lungs
I thought for sure you were the one I was looking for all this time
So we danced and dipped and sometimes tripped but we sang endless songs

I loved you and I never lied
But I’m sorry I chose to walk so blind

You held me close but I felt alone and I couldn’t say exactly why, believe me I tried
You gave me the love I never had but you tore me apart time and time and time again
Oh and I only ever got half-truths and drunken confessions

You broke my heart more than once
You broke my trust half a dozen times
So you cried those beautiful tears and we kissed to make up
And I forgave you because I’m a sucker for those eyes
But we crossed the line and for that I truly apologize

I loved you and I never lied
But you were killing me all the time

So I said my last goodbye
Moved out of state because I needed the space
And now that I’m gone I’m glad I moved on
I hope you’re doing well and I’m sorry you’re going through hell
But the world has a way, and what goes around comes around, is what they say

Break up poems and love poems might be overplayed but they are really because we all deal with heartache. This one comes from the things I wish I could have said because I chose to take all the blame instead and continue to take the blame for all that happened

Standing in the doorway I see the man larger than life lying in the bed
Tubes running from his hands and head.
I had heard the news but couldn’t believe it was true.

Sitting in the chair I listen to the familiar raspy voice,
But it’s so weak and soft, everything this man is not.
Tears brimming my eyes I hung my head low
I want to cry,
I want to scream,
I want to wake from this terrible dream.

I couldn’t bear the sight of this man weak and feeble
I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him
So I said he would be fine, just keep hanging on
Before you know it we’ll be back to those projects left incomplete
I’ll tell you then how much you mean to me
I’ll say everything I always wanted you to know
But not until you’re out of this white wall death lingering hell hole

Standing in the doorway I saw the life slipping away
But couldn’t accept what was right in front of me
There is so much left unsaid but life is short is what they say
I prayed that he would have more time that day
But we all have to go soon or later

I love you grandpa
I don’t know if you realize it but you were like a father to me
If it weren’t for you I would have walked a very different path
I listened whenever you talked because I wanted to be just like you
In fact if I can be half the man you were I would be proud of who I am

I wish I had could have said what was on my mind
But life is short and it was simply your time
I love you but I must put my regrets to rest
Say my final goodbye
And though you’ll always be in my heart
Your memory won’t have the painful sting of things left unsaid.
I love you grandpa,

Goodbye…

When I was eighteen I lost my grandpa who was like a father to me since my father had long since been out of the picture. I loved him ever so dearly and at the time I couldn't accept life without him so I squandered my opportunity to tell him everything he meant to me and I always regretted that ever since. This piece is simply a small amount of what I wish I could have told him in person but it means so much to me. I still write him letters from time to time but it always hurts because I regret this time in my life so incredibly much. I hope with this I can remind myself to let go of that and simply remember the good and not let the regrets seep in.

I've said to much although I haven't said enough

To explain to you the depth of my inner trials.

there is something with in me or around me
and its been trailing me for miles.

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