you have hurt me for the last time.

*i'm ready to walk into the ocean, and never surface again.

Coffee stained sweaters
swollen bit lips
mistakes that stayed forever
wounds that never healed
apologies told
relationships mended
now that I have you
I'm reminded by how it ended

I search for tones in your speech
quivers in your voice
hints in your texts
movements in your body
I can't forget how we failed
how we might make it this time
and why either is
just as likely as the other

Do I love you?
Or am I just used to you?

Maybe one day you'll change
And I'll be able to see that change from the distance I now stand from you.
But right now all I can see is the same ripple of emotional manipulation and complete chaos you've always thrown upon your life
I once chose to stand and be a witness to your madness
Falling under the roar of thunder and never-ending rain
I stayed because my own love for caring for you fogged my vision

Maybe one day you'll change
And I'll be able to see that change from the distance I now stand from you.
As I walk farther away part of me hopes you will acknowledge your mistakes and take action to change your destiny
The other part in me prays the universe ends you in a fiery demise.

Maybe one day you'll change
And I will no longer remember
Pain
Sorrow
Anger
Hopelessness
Your name.

I fell in love with idea of you
There wasn't much to actually love.
But in my head I had a perfect scene.
I made your heart skip beats and
You'd tell me you see a whole galaxy in my eyes.
You chased me down the street and
Told me the only beauty you wish to see was me.

But outside my head
I didn't make your heart skips beats
and you didn't see stars in my eyes.
And you never chased me down when I ran
to tell me that the only beauty you wish to see was me.

But in my head you did
And I wish I could keep it there.
But it's wrong to.

Farewell my Love
you have gone to a place where my soul can't follow;
perhaps there peace may wrap you in her arms
and fill you with a warmth
that I never could.

These reflections of a future that will never be
a mirror into the great perhaps,
such as what you always wanted to find in the end.

I would have followed if you had let me,
would have poured myself into all the fissures in your
beautiful beating heart;
would have burned my own as an offering to you.

I see that I have not the power to take a heart
and by the power of my love
make it whole.

I thank you all the same for allowing me to see
that all we have are memories and choices.
It is the choices that give shape to our souls,
that make meaning of memories.

Such courage for you to have to make a choice
to spare me a greater pain
and for you to suffer alone.

I stand now weeping and empty
alone in the house of roses
and where now I go that your spirit is gone
only the wind knows.

Once a little sister
having all the
attention
having a big brother
always having him teach
her how to be
the best at everything
always having someone to look up to

Now a big sister
taking the backseat
teaching her little sister
that life happens
when you least expect it

She misses being the baby
she misses her big brother
she misses her role model

She has to be the strong one now

She has to be the role model now.