WORDS

Why stay silent
When there is so much to say?
Words say so little
But then say so much.
Hurt by a truth
Hurt by a lie
Why stay silent
When there is so much to say ?
Thoughts keep you silent
Afraid to say these things out loud
Mind plays different options
Too scary if these thoughts came out
So why stay silent
When there is so much to say ?
I will be judged
It wouldn't be fair
To share these words I hold.
Tell the truth
But don't tell a lie
Mouth open but no words can be found
So this is why I stay silent
When there is so much I could say !

I lay and think
Of two hands cupping my face
A tear being being gently wiped from my eye
A strand of hair being carefully placed behind my ear
A tender kiss
I lay and think
Of a strong arm wrapped around my waist
Head nestled into a strong chest
A heart beat to listen to
A tender kiss
I lay and think
Of two people being entwined
Of gentle fingers running down my arm
A breath so much warmer than mine
I lay and think of tender kisses...........

Four walls
Confines of our mind
Like a box
With little peep holes.
Safety of what we know
Our comfort zone
In a box
With little peep holes.
No growth
No stimulas
In a box
With little peep holes.
Four walls need to be climbed
We peek an see
Out of the box
With the little peep holes.
So many challenges
To help us grow
When ya out of the box
With the little peep holes.
You land badly
Confused and lost when ya out of the box
With the little peep holes.
Stumbling blocks
Are in ya way
When ya out of the box
With the little peep holes.
But lookin back ya start to see
The darkness of what used to be
In the box
With the little peep holes.
Life will be hard
Life will allow you to flourish
Life will teach you lessons
Life will give you sadness and tears
Laughter and love
And should show you that no one
Should stay
In a box
With little peep holes .

Hurt…..
By silence
Unanswered questions
Harsh words
A look
A false smile
Glazed eyes
Sad eyes
A wanted touch
A unwanted touch
No emotion in a cwtch
A hard hand
All these and more
Are served with or without intent
Consequences vary
Both parties feel the pain
The confusion
The misunderstanding
So why hurt……
It just the human condition
To feel and be hurt.

Written this before.....
But you’re still not listening
You’re not hearing what I say
Are you looking at me ?
Caus if you are turn around
Look in the mirror and see what I see.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
So open your eyes and behold.
A strong soul
A beautiful smile
A twinkle in the eye
A glow in the cheeks.
Look behind the anger
The tears you have wiped away
The fears you still hold
Breathe.......
I need you to look in the mirror and see what we all see
A beautiful YOU !

I stand
I see
I look around at what could be
So many possibilities, options
I just want to flee.

I stand
I see
Torn between the possibilities
Knowing someone will always get hurt
I just want to flee.

I stand
I see
The tears and the happiness
Of what I’ve done and yet to do
I just want to flee.

I stand
I see
Torn
I stand
I see
I know I can never flee.

It hurts so much
That you tried your best
What you thought was solved
Is just a dam mess.
You hold your face in your hands
Thinking all is lost
It’s a maze a puzzle
It’s just a dam mess.
You look around at the people you love
Hard choices are all you can see
And you shout out loud “Why is nothing ever easy”
****** God dam mess
You look in the mirror and see yourself
You look inside for that hidden strength
And you know the answer, it’s not want you want
You know you can sort through this ****** mess !!!

Missing the person who gave me my strength
My thirst for life
My humour
My laugh
Missing the person who showed me unconditional love
To think outside the box
To laugh at myself
To smile in bad times
Missing the person who told me never give up
Walk tall
Chin up
Rubber **** to be attached
Missing the person who gained respect from all that knew her
Font of all knowledge
Who could set anyone on the right path
Who’s  cwtches made all feel awesome
Missing the person who knew me better than I do
Who knew I’d put water in her whisky
Knew I was fibbing even on the telephone
Was there no matter what
Missing the person I called Mam  xxxxx

Feeling a little lost
Don’t know what direction to take
Should be striding forward
Without a care in the world
But the mayhem of life
Is sticking to my shoes
And only tiny steps I can take.

Feeling a little lost
Don’t know where this road taking me
So many forks in this road of mine
Decisions to many, should go with the flow
But life is what you make it
Kicking the mud off my shoes
Strides are what I will take
Feeling lost but a little hopeful....

A moment in time when you stop and think
You try and tell yourself that all is fine
One foot in front of the other
Getting to where you should be.

But the moment reminds you
How far away those goals all are
You’re struggling up hill
Carrying this heavy load.

You look around you to see who is there
Your there for those who need you, but no one’s in sight
Your struck by loneliness wondering which way to go
You know you just can’t give up this fight.

The journey we take, may not be fair
It will trip us, delay us and take us on detours
Take the moment in time when you stop and think
To realise that your nearly there.

Words of anger
Words of frustration
Words of sadness
These words can never be taken back
These words seldom forgotten
Never forgiven

These words change us
Hold us back
Play over and over
Head hurting tears falling
Sadness encircling

Words of anger
Words of frustration
Words of sadness
These words can and should be let go
These words should be forgotten
And forgiven

These words change us
Move us forward
Not to be played over and over
Clear head bright eyes
Happiness enfolding

These words can change a person
One way or another
Tis our choice which way they are used
To hinder us, or move us forward
Its not for us to live with these words
It lives with the person who says it !!

Why do people leave and take so much
Just wondering how many pieces I’ve got left.
Can handle the objects leaving my life
Have the memories of those all in my head.
Just the tearing of the heart strings that hurt so much
Looking for something to fill this void
Hate the emptiness that’s been left in my life
Caus people have left and taken so much
Sat wondering how many pieces I have left !!!

Void of emotion, I wish I was
Filled with sadness and aching inside
Told you so is the answer I'm hearing
Should have listened to the man in my head.
You did the same old same
Opened up, let them in far too soon
Believed what they said
Should have listened to the man in my head.
Void of emotion , I wish I was
Wanting the happiness I cant have
Gut wrenching trying to brush myself off
Should have listened to the man in my head.
Void of emotion, I wish I was
Still caring for a person who doesnt need me
Couldnt force myself into their life
Wishing things could have been different
Should have listened to the man in my head.
Dam this man inside my head!!!!

I smiled today just caus I could
Strange feeling you know
This smiling malarky
It shook me a bit
A weight lifted

Smiled
For the sad times and the good
Realised that im ok
Weird isnt it
When you think you wont make it
And you do,in one piece

Smiled
To know that not everything has to make sense
That there wont every be answers to everything
That in life you have to have
The wonder ,the tease and the anticipation
I smiled today just because I knew I could :)

Today has been another day lost in thoughts
Going about and doing the same things
Auto pilot, automatically
Smiling, nodding and chatting
Yet my mind is not where it should be
Its lost in the turmoil im trying so hard to control.
For a few moments I realise where I am
What im supposed to be doing
And im brought back to reality
Wish I could stay with my reality
Its easier than the things I think
Day dreaming ...no
Nightmares of the day following me
Swirling and mingling with my daily routines
Making my stomach ache and my head pound
Frustration of not knowing what to do
Best choices to make, consequences of my actions
For a moment I catch my breath and look around
Another day has been lost in my thoughts .....

Why do things go pear shaped?
Feeling in the depth of the stomach
Dread and feeling sick.
Just as you think you turn a corner
Your tripped up before getting so near.
Why do we let our walls down?
Caus we think things are going so well
You think from past experiences
You’d see the signs, but oh no !
Not even when they are smacking us in the face
Do we notice that things just arent right.
Why do people say they love you?
Caus they do in thier own strange way
Its just not the love they think we really need
Laughing at yourself, crying by yourself
The frustration and waiting for something real.
Why do things go pear shaped?
Caus we dont really want to see!
Why do we let our walls down?
Caus were are suckers for love!
Why do people say they love us?
Caus they know thats what we want to hear !!

Why do people stay silent
When they have so much to say?
Why do people assume
That they know what you’re thinking?
When you haven’t the foggiest idea yourself!
But then I stop and catch myself
Caus I do the same……
Words hurt, truth hurts better left unsaid
Thoughts flying around the brain,
Which one do I catch first?
What the hell am I thinking?
But then I stop and catch myself
Caus I’m not going to do the same
I’m not going to stay silent
I’m going to speak my mind
I have so much to say
No more assumptions
From you or me
      Its about time we let our thoughts fly free……

Afraid to lose that smile
Afraid to show what it hides
Why be afraid to be the real you
Look in the mirror and see
The true reflection looking back at you
A person who can be loved
If you just be you.
Afraid to open that heart of yours
Afraid to give what it holds
A shame for you to go to waste
With all that locked inside of you
A person who could give so much love
If you just be you.
Don’t be afraid of opening up
Don’t be afraid to show the real you
We see little bits that slip through
When we are looking at the real you
The person who gives so much love
When you ..... are just being you.

Why do you love me?
Why do you care?
Why put your arms around me
To show me that you care?
Why do I feel safe,
In your arms wrapped around me?
Why do you kiss me
And show me tenderness?
Why do you look at me
And beam a smile?
Why me?
I don’t understand!
But you do understand
Just don’t be afraid
For all those things you say I do
You do the same for me.
It's called love
That's why I do it with you !

Don’t make promises that you can’t keep
Don’t smile caus you think we need it
Don’t hold just for the sake of it
You know we deserve better

Just be honest that’s all I ask
Smile caus your happy
Hold someone caus you love them
You know we deserve better

Look with truth in your eyes
Use words with meaning
Embrace what makes you smile
You know we deserve better

Life is hard being on your own
Even harder being with a partner
Both pulling in different directions
You know we deserve better

We were always meant for different roads
Shouldn’t be bitter about our time
We learnt that we weren’t matched
It’ time to move on, and find something better.

I know I have to say goodbye
I know that you went
Because you needed to go
But I don’t want to say farewell forever
Caus I’m not ready

If I say goodbye who do I go to
Where do I go to when I need you.
You always knew just what to do
I don’t want to say farewell forever
Caus I’m not ready

When I say goodbye will you leave
And will you return in my time of need
To set me on the straight and narrow
I don’t want to say farewell forever
Caus I’m not ready

I know I have to say goodbye
My heart breaks to know its time
I know we still have that connection
Me in this world you in yours
I don’t want to say farewell forever
Deep breathe….i’m nearly ready.

I carry a suitcase just like everyone else
Collection of baggage from times long past
But today I decide to unpack
To throw all the unhappiness out
And gently fold the good memories up
That my life so seemed to lack.
All the memories set me up to be armed.
To battle through unhappy times
To realise that these came my way
To build a character that stands here today.
I am afraid of what the future holds?
No not me…anticipation of times yet to come
Caus with my little suitcase I know I will find a way
To gently pack more happy memories away
An throw away the bad
Leave them behind
To keep building my character and strength
People always knew I had .
It’s time for me to shine and smile
Caus the loads a lot lighter in this suitcase of mine.

Direct me …. I ask myself
My heart says yes
My brain says no
Oh why am I arguing with myself?
Weigh up the pros and cons
Think logically…..
But the heart cant do that
Ok think emotionally
That should solve it
But something doesn’t feel right
Oh why am I arguing with myself?
Why is making a decision so very hard
Caus my decision affects so many
Do I do selfish
Or do I do for the better good
My head is starting to hurt
Oh why oh why am I arguing with myself ?????

Im walking through a field of daisies
Thinking of words unsaid
I feel the warmth of the day’s last sun
Thoughts float into my mind……
You loved me once, I think you forgot
But you walked away
No explanation and words unsaid
I wonder what you are doing
Are you thinking of me
Sigh…. I doubt it
You never really needed me
Should have realised in words that were unsaid
Forgot me as a person, no you say hi most days
Smiling I think fool, me not you
Still walking through a field of daises
Thinking of words unsaid ………

I want….is a demand
I need ….is a desire
I want to talk
I need to talk
I want you to listen
I need you to listen
I want to be held
I need to be held
I want you to touch me
I need you to touch me
I want a kiss
I need a kiss
I think I have what I need, a desire
And I don’t want what I wanted
I’m working through the differences
Caus the need comes freely
The demand has a too high a cost  ……..

A look, a breath, a smile, a touch
All glancing, fleeting,
Gone within seconds.
Or so I think…

A look, a breath, a smile, a touch
Heart pounding, ears drumming
Lasts a lifetime
Or so I think…

What I thought was something, was not
What I thought was not now is a maybe
Last for as long as it lasts
Or so I think….
Confused oh yes that’s me !!!

Fickle is a thing called love
Its fleeting
Its brief
Its deep
Its passionate
Its lasts only a moment
Or lasts a lifetime
Or is it us that’s fickle with love
Self doubt
Confused thoughts
So many questions
So few answers
These last only a moment
Or can last a lifetime
Fickle is a thing called love
Or is it us that’s fickle with love ??

Time will tell
A million thoughts
A million words
A million answers
But will they be what I search
Will the actions of another decide my fate

A million yes’s
A million no’s
A million I don’t know’s
Will they lead me on my search
Or will my actions decide my own fate.

Out of all these millions
My mind is confused
So many choices, so many decisions
That leads me on a boundless search
Will fate not listen to me or them
I think only time will tell……

I try to figure out what love is all about
Sit and ponder, walk and wonder
And still no answer comes to me.

What I thought was love, was it really
What I thought was good, was it really
Caus  im left feeling empty and alone.

Was it something I said
Was it something I did
Caus  im left feeling low and confused.

Surely the answer is out there
Surely these questions should be answered
Caus no one should be left not knowing.

I try to figure out what love is all about
Sit and ponder, walk and wonder
And still no answer comes to me.........

I look in the mirror
And what do I see
My face looking right back at me
I shake my head and hope to see
The real person staring back at me

Behind the eyes confusion and stress
But a smile that looks so fresh
No signs of unhappiness can be seen
In the face looking back at me.

Contradictions too many to list
Are hidden within the face I see
Torment ,happiness, anger, love
Should I really show them
In the face looking back at me.

Caus really who wants to see
All these things happening to me
Not even I acknowledge the facts
And hide them so no one can see
In the face looking back at me

I need to find the inner strength
That everyone else can see inside of me
Once these things are all aligned
There be no more hiding the real me
In the face looking back at me .

I carry a heavy heart
That seldom people see
I share the brave face
Stiff upper lip
Cause no one likes a misery .

Do you carry a heavy heart
That seldom people see
Do you share the brave face
The stiff upper lip
And told no one likes a misery

I question you, caus I can see
The heavy heart same as me
We share the same face
The same stiff upper lip
As we can’t show misery…as it tells too much.

A shadow comes into view
Yet its not mine
It follows me where every I go
Yet its not mine
I look to check who stands behind
But no ones there

A feeling comes to mind
Yet the touch is not there
The feeling is warm
Yet the touch is not there
I look to see who stands so close
But no ones there

A smell comes through the air
Yet the scent is familiar
The smell makes me smile
Yet the scent is familiar
I look to see whos coming
But no ones there

A picture comes to mind
I see your face
I feel your touch
I smell your smell
Your here with me
Yet no ones there

How strong does a person have to be
To hide the tears behind a smile
Does no one realize its not a twinkle in the eye but a tear being held.
How strong do shoulders have to be
To carry a heavy load
So as to rest a burden when no one can see.
How strong and tall does a person have to stand
To stride forward with purpose and determination
So no one can see the falling inside.
How strong does a person have to be
To make to the end of the day
To see the stars light the way to a new day and the sun rising.
How strong does a person have to be
To hide the tears behind a smile………….

If I cannot write I love you
May I whisper it
If you don’t want to see the words
May I whisper it
If you don’t want to feel the words
May I whisper it
If you don’t want to feel my love
May I whisper it
If you cannot hear the whisper
I will give it to the wind to carry it….....