Let me be free, walk free, live free, laugh freely.

Let me enjoy life and disregard what others say.

Let me trust few and love many, and the few I trust, love with all my heart.

Let me take joy in sharpie drawings on skin, nose kisses, orange streetlights that glow on midnight walks, good cups of coffee, and you.

Being on earth is such a blessing.

And being on the earth with you, is even more of one.

I am awoken by the rain.

The sound of it drumming against my window
And water hitting water as it splashes into puddles.
As my senses awake, I recognize the fuzzy feeling in my mouth;
Time to brush my teeth.

I get ready for the day and head outside
Where it is still raining.
I close my eyes as I step beneath the clouds.

I feel the coolness of water droplets land on my sleepy, warm skin
I take a deep breath and let the scent of everything fill my nose.
The lilacs and tulips in the yard
Mixed with the soft smell of dirt and the grass
And the air and the rain

That cool, refreshing smell
Like starting over.

Then I open my eyes
The clouds I see
Are a bittersweet gray
The same shade of his eyes at dusk.

The grass is the deepest shade of green I've ever seen it
Being highlighted by the dark light from the sky
It all was beautiful.

I take another look
And another deep breath
And head off for the day.

we are waiting, still
to relieve myself
would probably be the best thing
from pressure
aching at the tips of me
we want relief
its the only thing that I could do
to let us go
seams are soon
to burst
and it has never felt so right




this poem is about having to *** while in bed

Love is a recondite matter.
For Her love is an abysmal lake
Of tears and unrequited adulation.
His love was once a duck
that kissed the lake top,
that skimmed the adoring water with its capricious plumage,
that tended to the lake,
and nourished by feeding on the reeds at the waters edge.

Until season changed,
Crisp air blew ripples across the lakes surface.
Yet the lake remained deep and unchanged
And the duck flew south and away
to another, more shallow pond
Remained there.
Leaving Her in want.

She no longer belongs to Herself,
But desires to acquire her souls counterpoint in him.

Her eastern waters warm with each setting night
Her depths and hopes, endless
That one day he will dive among her waves
and this time,

stay.

She begs the wind to keep at bay.

Anna,
the young lions won't want you
forever.

Eventually you are going to
get tired
of keeping it tight,
of batting your eyes,
of applying the gloss just right.

Anna,
what will you do when the invitation beds
come to an end?

Eventually the lions will settle,
while you gather cobweb and callus,
while you smoke cancer and wallow in cellulite.

Anna,
find a boy who makes you feel like the sun.

Ultimately,
he's the only one who can save your soul
from all the crimes you've done.

It's never quite right, he said, the way people look,
the way the music sounds, the way the words are
written.
It's never quite right, he said, all the things we are
taught, all the loves we chase, all the deaths we
die, all the lives we live,
they are never quite right,
they are hardly close to right,
these lives we live
one after the other,
piled there as history,
the waste of the species,
the crushing of the light and the way,
it's not quite right,
it's hardly right at all
he said.

don't I know it? I
answered.

I walked away from the mirror.
it was morning, it was afternoon, it was
night

nothing changed
it was locked in place.
something flashed, something broke, something
remained.

I walked down the stairway and
into it.

the lady has me temporarily off the bottle
and now the pecker stands up
better.
however, things change overnight--
instead of listening to Shostakovich and
Mozart through a smeared haze of smoke
the nights change, new
complexities:
we drive to Baskin-Robbins,
31 flavors:
Rocky Road, Bubble Gum, Apricot Ice, Strawberry
Cheesecake, Chocolate Mint...

we park outside and look at icecream
people
a very healthy and satisfied people,
nary a potential suicide in sight
(they probably even vote)
and I tell her
"what if the boys saw me go in there? suppose they
find out I'm going in for a walnut peach sundae?"
"come on, chicken," she laughs and we go in
and stand with the icecream people.
none of them are cursing or threatening
the clerks.
there seem to be no hangovers or
grievances.
I am alarmed at the placid and calm wave
that flows about. I feel like a ***** in a
beauty contest. we finally get our sundaes and
sit in the car and eat them.

I must admit they are quite good. a curious new
world. (all my friends tell me I am looking
better. "you're looking good, man, we thought you
were going to die there for a while...")
--those 4,500 dark nights, the jails, the
hospitals...

and later that night
there is use for the pecker, use for
love, and it is glorious,
long and true,
and afterwards we speak of easy things;
our heads by the open window with the moonlight
looking through, we sleep in each other's
arms.

the icecream people make me feel good,
inside and out.