i have never fully grasped
serenity. calm. silence
of mind

always, going
always running, always thinking.
doing. i prepare. but alas, that is
never enough.

what if for a day
i pretended. it never happened. nothing changed
nothing hurt.

would that help?
probably not. at this point, i need understanding.
freedom from.

i apoligize.
i am vague. not a person alive
knows all. everything. since then to
now. this moment.

how could i explain?

perhaps, i could tell to you
that i feel as though i have been turned inside out, stripped, and shooken. like an
animal has climbed inside me and torched me; clawed, teared every part me. until
i am an empty carcass, living in the dark as would a zombie.

and then i would leave, quietly. secretly.
i live better that way.

as if anyone could know.

You have black eyes
You have ugly features
An evil streak
That's oh so seductive

There's a scar on your soul
That you don't know about
It's as clear as day to anyone
Who passes by your way

Your mean, silly and stupid
What a combination
You don't understand anything from any perspective but your own
Which makes you stubborn

You have nothing going for you but your arrogance
What more can I say
You're beautifully ugly in the worst way

It is in this space
Where thoughts can dance unconstrained
Of the concessions
To jealousy and stricture
Where tangos are passionate

Sitting dwarfed in your divinity,
I can't help but feel somehow distressed.
If I shan't love you for infinity,
Then what use is my love if not for best?
Your ballad is too sweet for just my ears,
Yet to share this pleasure I'm too selfish.
My vanity is gone as with my fears,
But with this simple loss I feel selfless.
Evil is coaxing, O' how I shan't sin,
For if I sin my innocence is gone.
Held in your arms I feel your my own kin,
And if I ignore this I do you wrong.
This shameless bond we have we can't ignore,
For already my soul is linked to yours.

In this all encompassing darkness
Hope turns to despair
Not a single ray of light gleams
Deafening silence pervades…

Only wolves are heard
Mourning death
But of whom…?

O father!
Protect me
For I cannot bear
This sullen, sickening air
Stinking!!!
With the pungency of rotting flesh
Of humanity.

I see headless zombies
Stamp bullet ridden chests
Amid pools of blood
Leaving a gory trail…

No father! No!
I dare not look beyond
For this ‘Ghastly Spectacle’
Blurs my vision!

I still remember how you looked that January afternoon
The way your hair was after the snow.
The briefest of split seconds- as it landed, before it melted to nothing.
Bitterly cold but suffocatingly warm
The start of something was crisp in the air.

Unfamiliraties and awkwardness melted away with the snow
And something else came and replaced it.
Something infinite and permenant.
Something beautiful.

In that solitary moment we could never have thought it might not quite last forever.

That's why the snow always makes me think of you.

After it all.

Tell me tell me
Where did the light go?
This is the end where it all began.
As heart-break built an
Artist, who pushed it all away
For genius, a moment of glory, recognition
To burn in someone else’s being.
But now all the pages have been
Typed, the blood with which this **** was writ
Has long since run dry
And the solitary moments that once inspired, now lack
A special burn
Tedium has sunk the ship
/and everything more important has been lost.
This is beginning of the end
Of a being
Who hung from the rafters, legs reaching for the inferno, eyes without spark
Clinging to earth as a material corpse became
Too shallow to dissipate
Into ever-thinning air.