You listen to my silence the same way someone else would with my words

     You feel the gravity of my absence in ways I thought no one had ever felt my presence

     But

I thought I was a part of you as much a you are of me
And all of that was proven wrong when I watched you leave

     Because

You left a hole in my heart, in my soul, and in my life
When you decided it be better to bid me good bye

Hearts are wild, reckless, and always unpredictable

     They're the monsters we've feared when we were still young and gullible

     Yes, it hasn't been proven even though we've lived for ages

But answer me this,
       why are our ribs cages?

Rain reminds me of comfort
It reminds me of soft sheets on my skin
The way I would snuggle up on my bed and feel warm and cold at the same time

Rain reminds me of excitement
It reminds me of the unexpected coolness in the middle of summer
The way I could run around in the streets soaking wet and yet no one thinks it wrong

Rain reminds me of solitude
It reminds me of how it can isolate me from the outside world by pouring down like a wall of tears from the sky

Rain reminds me of innocence
It reminds me of my youth
When I would pray for rain every single day to save me from going back to school

But now
Rain doesn't remind me of anything
Rain makes me think of things

Rain makes me think of how we could run around in the streets

Rain makes me wonder how it would feel like to lie on your sheets

Rain makes me wonder about locking ourselves in and just talking

Rain doesn't remind me of you

Because you make me think about Rain

Most of the poems I've written
Are experiences I never had
Some are things that I want to happen
Others are things that happened when I was sad


But lately I've been thinking
That you fit my poems very well
Each and every word of my writing
Reminds me of a story that older folks tell


That when I find the one
The one who will own my heart
They'll make me feel whole and one
Not tear my own little heart apart


But what the others never told
Was that the stories aren't easy
That maybe we will only see each other when we're old
Or that we'll be far apart, on the opposite ends of the sea


But you and I know what this is
We both know what's at stake
We'll both endure till the end of this
Because we both know none of this is fake


People might say we're only children
Or that it might not even be what we thought it'd be
But I know that you'll turn the other cheek, that you'll never listen
Because I know that what I feel for you is just as strong as your feelings for me

You gave me love I never had
You made me feel special for who I am and made me accept the things that I'm not
You called me things, and sang me songs
That made me see how you saw me
You made me feel things I never thought I could

What I didn't realize was that
You didn't do anything

I thought you gave me love because of the way you treated me
I thought you made me feel special but you just made me realize what I'm worth
You called me things, and sang me songs
But you didn't mean for them to blind me with emotions
You didn't make me feel thing I never thought I could
You just made me feel things I never had


You gave me love
But it wasn't yours

Because you gave me love
that taught me to love

My seven brothers keep secrets
And they trust that I won't tell
And I didn't
Until now

My brother keeps a lighter in his bag
He's very asthmatic and also doesn't smoke
He says it's a metaphor
It's one less lighter that does it's job, and instead does a better job
He believes that I wouldn't tell anyone
And I didn't
Until now

My brother thought of killing himself once
He's nice and everything seems alright
He says it's ironic
I want people to see how  my happiness isn't real. And it's sad that I'm already too good at it for them to notice.
He believes that wouldn't tell anyone
And I didn't
Until now

My brother wears rubber bands on his wrists
He looked cool to me but it weirded me out
He says it's an alternative
The burn of me flicking bands on my wrist lessens my yearning for it to be cut open
He believes that wouldn't tell anyone
And I didn't
Until now

My brother likes boys, but he still likes girls all the same
I thought it weird at first but it's who he is so I accepted him
He says it's Love
I fall for who I fall for, is it my fault if they think it wrong?
He believes that wouldn't tell anyone
And I didn't
Until now

My brother thinks he isn't good enough for anything good
I try to tell him otherwise because I love him
He says it's nothing
I've grown up thinking I'll always get what I deserve. So that's what I expect till now.
He believes that wouldn't tell anyone
And I didn't
Until now

My brother wants to leave our house
I try to tell him I'll miss me but he said he misses himself
He says he's already left
I'm already missing. You see my shadow and my face, but I'm already gone.
He believes that wouldn't tell anyone
And I didn't
Until now

My brother wants to be noticed but shy away from attention
He doesn't glow in the dark as much as he emits darkness in the light
He says is ironic
I crave attention for the right I do but gains it by the wrongs I've done
He believes that wouldn't tell anyone
And I didn't
Until now

My brothers may have plenty secrets
But I have one too

And mine is that i never had brothers
But all that I've said were true

This isn't a poem about you,
It's one about me.
It's about things you've done,
That I shouldn't have seen differently.

You and I were alike in different circumstances.
You made me feel certain things and they felt like chances.

Chances I would've pondered if they weren't taken.
Chances I would regret eventually, only I didn't know it back then.

When I wrote about things about you, it felt like a stab back then.
It felt like the knife jammed in my back was being nudged all over again.

But sometimes it felt like the fire in my chest, like something close to rage.
That every time I think about you leaving me it's like a storm trying to burst through my ribcage.

And sometimes it's sad and blue and gray.
Sometimes I think about maybe it's my fault and I I didn't give enough and that I wasn't okay.

It's got me seeing red and got me feeling blue.
It's drowning in silence where it used to be the voice of you.

It's got me seeing gray since you left me with no color.
When you up and dusted, when you ran and slammed the door.

But this isn't a poem about colors.
It's one about pain.
It's about things I wouldnt have lost,
If they were things I didn't gain.