I am happy here,
for right now.
In this empty café.
Warm and cozy, yet so lonely.

Knives.
Sleek, silver, shimmering.
It speaks to me,
"Come this way."

Mutilation
Is as bad as you make it.
To us it is just a way
To relieve some pain.

Blades.
They are so great,
emotional shade,
a short escape.

Stitches.
Two now,
by myself.
Still no relief.

I cut myself again tonight
But I will never tell you
I wish never to fight

I love you dearly,
But I do not want
Your sorrow and pity.

You'll blame yourself,
I know you will.
I promise I won't **** myself.

You have no relation
To this dark habit.
It is but my own creation.

It does not help.
I know, I know.
Right now, it's living hell.

X-acto eighteen
Its has been a while
Six months now I've been clean
Now just back in that aisle

Dried brown blood
Still remains
These feelings flood
I can't contain

Your sharp edge
Tears my skin
Now on the edge
I cry and grin

I feel better now
Or so it seems
But I can't allow
These dark extremes

It's been six months
Since that day
Things went too far.

I almost died
But never cried.
It was the plan,
What I wanted.

I've changed since then.
I'm happy now,
I'm healthy now,
Until right now.

I cut again.
I taste defeat.
I was so strong,
I was complete.

I haven't drank
Since that night
I almost died.

But like I said,
I cut again.
I sense the spiral,
about to begin.

I cannot do it,
Not this time.
I've come too far,
I cleaned my crimes.

I have much to live for.
There are people who
actually depend on me,
actually trust me.

I wont let them down,
No, not again.

I want to give myself to you
I swear to God I really do.

But every time we get that close
Most of me is still opposed.

That man f*cked me up,
it will always get me choked up.

I fear he'll always have control,
even though you're on patrol.

Maybe it's myself I fear the most.
Is that his master plan, to be the host?

When he's dead remains a ghost
and that is what I fear the most.