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I need to stop lying to myself.

The truth is right in front of me; all around me. It surrounds me everywhere I go, and it's finally time to just let it in and accept it.

I'm not happy.

To be quite honest, I don't think I ever was. I mean, I've had happy moments, happy experiences, happy days... But there has always been something, whether it be a feeling or a certain person, holding me back.

I'm not happy.

Yes, I smile.
Yes, I laugh.
Yes, I act like everything is fine.

I'm fine.

See, that's the biggest lie of all. People live their lives all the time with a fake smile on their lips and the constant, pathetic "I'm fine"'s every single ******* time someone asks them what's wrong. And the worst part of it all, is that they actually convince these people!

No... Perhaps not.

Maybe the real problem here, is that these people just don't care. They are simply too lazy to look at a person and see them for who they really are. To break through the fake smiles and forced laughs and find what's hidden on the inside.

The pain. The insecurities. The desperation. The loneliness.

It's all there. Right before your very own eyes. But everyone is just too **** blind to see it.

Are they scared?

Are you scared?

Scared that you might just be the exact same as all these people? Scared that helping them will unleash the monsters inside of you?

Well, let me tell you something.

I'm scared.

I'm scared. Terrified even. Terrified of the person I've become, and the person I'm becoming. I'm terrified of these thoughts; these horrible thoughts that keep me up in the night and leave me in a cold, shivering sweat. These thoughts that stay in my mind each and every day. Every day, every minute, every second.

They never leave.

I'm scared of this monster inside of me. I see it in the mirror; the most disgusting creature anyone could ever lay eyes on. How is it even possible for me to retain something so gruesome, so inhuman?

But I created it...

It's my own fault. I shouldn't have let it in. I shouldn't have let it control me.

But now, it's too late.

It has become me.

I am a monster.

*Yet no one else can see it...
This isn't exactly a poem. Just a scatter of thoughts... Call it a rant, if you'd like.
Dear Poet,

I do not know you; yet I know exactly who you are.
I do not know your name; I know the verbs and the adjectives and the metaphors that can sprout in your mind like a flower ready to bloom at two o'clock in the morning. You're afraid, I know. You're afraid to open up to another person because you've been let down time and time again. You find it hard to trust people. No one knows how you feel except for that precious notepad and your favourite pen. Replace the paintbrush with a pencil and the canvas with some paper, and darling, you are an artist. Your world is coloured through the scribbled words in the margins of your study sheets, and the inspiration you get when you discover something amazing. The inspiration to write. To write about what's good in this world, to write about what's bad, about what makes you happy and what makes you sad.
You are not defined by your name. You are not defined by what others think about you. You are not defined by the way you see yourself in the mirror, or the way you interact with others. Instead, you are defined by your favourite colours. You are defined by the beautiful moments you have learned to capture in a single photograph. You are defined by the stories you tell about that day when you were 10 years old. You are defined by the songs you listen to when you're home alone. The movies that you watch; especially the ones that can make you break down in tears no matter how many times you've seen it. But most importantly, you are defined by the words you write. The string of thoughts that you could never say out loud. The words you should have said to that certain person can be told through your poems, and the words that you shouldn't have said can be scrubbed out with an eraser in the fraction of a second. See, this is why you matter.
You matter because you are a poet. You are not just an ordinary person; you have a passion like no other. You see things that the world does not; like the beauty of a sunset or the meaning behind a song or the sadness hidden through a smile. You over-analyse everything, but that's okay because you are a poet. You can find a reason to write just because of something someone said to you, or a good day, or a bad day. In fact, you cherish the bad days because those are the times when your writing shines like the sun coming up after a long day of rain.
You are so beautiful, and everyone can see it but you. You look in the mirror and count each and every flaw you see. You wish you could be prettier, you wish you could be happier, you wish you could be like the popular kids at your school. You wish you could play sports instead of hiding out in your room all day writing a bunch of crap. But it's not crap... It is the most pure and absolutely extraordinary thing in this world. Why? Because you are a poet. Your words are who you are. Don't you dare become popular; don't you dare change who you are. You are a poet. You are unique. You are so, so beautiful.
Hands stained with ink, pencil behind your ear, notebook hidden in your back pocket. No make-up, hair pulled up, wearing your comfiest hoody. You don't have brand name clothing, or an expensive car. You don't go out partying, or eat at fancy restaurants. Why? Because you are a poet. You drink tea, not wine. You wear sweatpants, not dresses. Converse, not stilletos. You are not a model. You are not an actress. You are not like the others.
You are not outgoing. In fact, you are extremely quiet and shy. But you are kind, so so kind. You care about others, not yourself. You are the listener, not the talker. You are the nurturer. You are the lover of books, of literature, of English. You are a poet.
I do not know you. But I hope to meet you one day, I hope to share my poems with you and cry over sappy love stories and get drunk off tea with you. Why? Because you are a poet. And so am I.

Sincerely yours,
Another Poet
"It gets better"
Constant mutterings of the same old saying
"I offer my condolences"
These unsympathetic sympathies are driving me insane

What's that you say? You've walked in my shoes?
You've shared the same experiences as I?
You know exactly what I'm going through?
Ha. That's a lie.

Are you at a standstill in your life right now,
with nowhere to turn, nowhere to go?
Have you lost all faith in humanity?
Are you inwardly dying, do you know?

No.
See, you really don't know what it's like to be me
You couldn't possibly have walked in my shoes
if I'm wearing them on my own two feet

And let me tell you something.
My feet...
Stink.

Don't ask me why,
because frankly I don't know
But I was dealt some ****** shoes
a long, long time ago

They felt too tight,
it wasn't right
Although, what's the use
if the shoes are loose?

Running fast, fast, fast
as fast as I could
Without getting anywhere
it's a pain in the ***

And the scent of these shoes...
God, it was terrible.
Nothing could hide the stench of loneliness and *****
A fragrance so unbearable

But anyway, enough about my stinky feet
It was really just a bad analogy
Though I hope you weren't just about to eat
If so, I give you my deepest apology
Let's change the subject, shall we?

I am a victim.

I may not have been abused,
but take a look at the scars on my wrists
I may not have been bullied,
but then again, we ourselves are our own worst critics

Just because I have not been battered or bruised
by another human being
Just because I have not been shattered to pieces
by someone other than myself...
That does not make me any less broken.

I am a victim of my own thoughts.
I am a victim of depression.
I am a victim of self-harm.
I AM A VICTIM OF LIFE ITSELF.

"It gets better"
Oh come on!
This is no video game
This is no movie
This is real, this is life!
And trust me, it sure ain't 'groovy'

There are no Prince Charmings
No happily ever afters
This reality is quite alarming
It's not a time for laughter

These heartaches don't just go away
The misery and hurt is here to stay
I'm sick and tired of spending nights crying
and all these constant thoughts of dying

You say that everything will be okay
yet I can't look past the pain of today
Tomorrow never seems to shine a brighter light
so why even bother to continue the fight?

It won't get better.*

See, those are the words I should have said
And I know very well that honesty is the best policy
but hey, do you really think that I'm the only one being dishonest here?

Then again, I don't know you and you don't know me
And maybe you have the courage to tell the truth
but if someone were to tell me that "it gets better"
I'd put on my best poker face and say
"Thank you."
Sometimes;
when the clouds move way to reveal the setting sun just above the horizon,
and the yellows and the oranges and the reds mix together in a brilliant jumble of colours...

Sometimes;
when the wind stops blowing the trees and the waves are no longer crashing down upon the ocean,
and the stillness of the world forms a brief tranquility like the calm before the storm...

Sometimes;
when the fireflies illuminate the pitch-black of a hot summer night,
and the silhouette of a silver moon can be seen in the distance...

Sometimes;
when a good book can transport you to an unknown world,
and an inspiring movie can bring tears to your eyes...

Sometimes;
when the beauty of a person is shown through the loveliness of their soul,
and the pure perfection in their imperfections...

Sometimes;
when a good day finally appears after a series of bad days,
and that ray of light breaks through the cloud of darkness...

Sometimes;
when you pause for a moment to notice the little things we so often take for granted,
and the simple pleasures of our day-to-day lives...

You will realize;
this world that we live in is beautiful,
and wondrous and extraordinary *and terribly finite.
I'm not a big fan of life but
as long as this song keeps playing

I'll hang on just a little longer
to dance with you through the night
Let me tell you a story about a busy steet in a busy city in a busy country in a busy world.

Somewhere near the end of this busy street in a busy city in a busy country in a busy world, there was a flowershop.

It was a lovely old place; an elegant building surrounded by beautiful gardens with daisies and daffodils and roses. It had bird baths where the cheery cardinals and bluejays stopped by for an afternoon splash, and even a sprinkler for the young children to run around in while their mommy's and daddy's were picking out pretty flowers.

Now, inside this flowershop, there were rows upon rows of pots filled with any type of plant you could imagine: dragonsnaps, lilies, zinnias, tulips, the whole lot. Baskets of flowers hung from the ceiling, overflowing with bright colours. Every once in a while, petals would rain down and the entire shop would look magical.

Everyday, people of all ages would dash into this flowershop. Men in suits, looking to find the perfect gift for their dates. Ladies in dresses, picking out just a little something to look nice in a vase on their dinner table. And of course, the gardeners, with their overalls and ***** fingers.

So, as I said, busy people on a busy street in a busy city in a busy country in a busy world would dash into this busy flowershop, then dash back out and get on with their busy lives. Always looking for the most ravishing type of flower, the ones that could catch your eye as soon as you entered the shop. Never focusing on anything else.

What no one realized was that there was a small flower placed near the back wall of the shop. It was never moved; always been in the same exact place ever since it arrived at the flowershop years and years ago. The owners had stopped watering it, so the flower was beginning to shrivel up. Most of the petals had fallen off and were now laying in a sad little pile on the ground, and the few that remained had turned the colour of black.

The little flower got sicker and sicker every day, but it never lost hope. Every time the suited man stopped in, or the lady with the dress, or the ***** gardener; the flower would use its last bit of strength to make itself noticed. It stood on its tippy toes, perking up and spreading its wilted petals and frail stem as much as it could.

No one saw.

Then, one day, when the owner was sweeping the floor of the flowershop, he saw something near the back wall. Something broken. Crumpled. Blackened. Ugly. Dead. Something that once was beautiful until it stopped being noticed; stopped being loved.

You see, in a busy flowershop on a busy street in a busy city in a busy country in a busy world, no one's ever going to notice a wallflower until it wilts.
Yes, I'm aware that this isn't a poem.
I know I shouldn't think about you
but I do.
I know an infant
who came into this world
with a smile on her face
on the eleventh hour
of the eleventh day
of the eleventh month
bringing joy and happiness
to a day of sadness
and there were no tears
no screaming or confusion
just silence
and a look of wonder could be seen in her eyes
she was ready to start this wonderful world.

I know a child
who was the class clown
always ready to crack a new joke
or turn someone's frown upside down
she wished her baby fat would soon go away
but shrugged it off
'cause she knew it would some day
tears were only shed over scraped knees
and mom's soothing words
would set her at ease
no insecurities, no worries
she had her whole life ahead of her.

I know a teenager
who was no longer the class clown
but instead a shy girl
with very few friends still hanging around
she thought she was fat
(even though she was at average weight)
and felt different from the others
still laughing, still smiling
and the tears didn't fall
'til she was alone in her bedroom
but she stayed strong through it all
hoping that life would soon be better.

I know a young adult
who sits alone in class
stressed about choosing a career
for a future that she doesn't want to be a part of
she starves because she's fat
(even though she's below average weight)
wearing long sleeved shirts to hide the scars
that trail up and down her arms
friends mistake her fake smiles as happiness
oblivious to the desperation in her laugh
the façade wears off when she gets home
and her broken heart splits in half
while she wishes that her life would end.

But the thing is...

I know that infant
as if she was born yesterday
and I know that child
as if I saw her on the street an hour ago
and I know that teenager
as if I passed her in the halls today
and I know that young adult
as if she is someone I'll meet tomorrow

They are my past
my present
and my future
they are the person I was
the person I am
and the person I will be

*That girl is me and always will be
unless I find the strength to change reality.
I remember the day when you said to me
the beauty of this world is under lock and key.
The ugliness and hatred is all you can see
and once a bird is caged, it'll never again be free.

But all your life you never did try
to spread your wings and learn to fly.
Nor did you look past the grief of war
to see all the peace we've been fighting for.

I remember writing a poem about an orange
though we all know nothing rhymes with orange
and after that I didn't write for a long time
since you said a poem's not a poem if it doesn't rhyme.

But all your life you never had a clue
of how to go above and beyond what's expected of you.
You weren't one of a kind, instead one of few
who settled for average and stuck to what you knew.

I remember sitting down for dinner with you
with my sushi rolls and pork moo-shu
and you said eating ethnic things
will not make me interesting.

But all your life you sat on floors
watching TV when you could be outdoors.
Eating pepperoni pizza and chicken wings,
never trying any new things.

I remember that time when you yelled at me
'cause I failed my first test on geometry.
Your face turned red as you grabbed hold of my head and said
"if you stopped your **** writing you might've passed math instead!"

But all your life you focused too much
on solving equations and numbers and such.
Your math mark went up but your english mark fell,
now you've forgotten how to solve for x and still can't even spell.

I remember when your words used to put me down
and I wore a bag over my head when it should have been a crown.
I thought I was nothing but I was wrong,
I guess I had just been listening to your lies for far too long.

See, all your life you felt insecure
because of the disappointment you felt when you looked in the mirror.
You spent too much time existing that you forgot how to live,
you've been drained of all happiness like flour in a sieve.

I have realized now that I need not feel bad
and no longer will I let your words make me sad.
You're the most ordinary person I ever knew,
and for that I pity you, I really do.
This is a complete work of fiction, however, I think it can be related to many people in this world unfortunately.
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