i couldn't stop thinking about it, that specter of a memory
behind my eyelids, i still see your chin on my shoulder
our limbs intertwined, there was something there and none of us spoke of it
we just breathed it in and bathed in it like the last day of summer
and that's what i can't forget

they left the door ajar, lightless, and the heavy darkness swallowed us whole
yet i could still see you with my hands cupped around your face
the cold wooden floor chilled my spine but the fire in my chest burned me up
you were all that is new, the autumn i never had
a feeling like a fever dream that's at the same time the clearest there was
impossible to name and even more to ignore

Remnants of sophomore years twist themselves
into the room in the most vile of ways.
Visceral numbness, carved by Solomon's song,
at least the one I knew.

oh to be born in 1995
if it were the truth
i would have lived a little
before crawling into a cage
dreaming with eyes open
if more days were for me
quenching a torrid thirst
to see more, to taste more
please water these parched eyes
fuelled by jejunity
can you see them fuming?

Take me to the sea
And let me taste the mist
Of a splintered white surf
That you may call a kiss.

I long for the beach,
The scent of a palm tree,
To stand between roaring waves
As they seep through me.

I'd die for a sunset,
Lazy over the deep.
A painter of his own accord,
On the ever-changing sea.

death to bitter frost
flaming leaves bathe in a haze
winds stand still for now.

I take the night bus
From the inner city,
Where nightlife spills
On icy sidewalks
And aliveness soaks brutalist concrete.
I do it all,
I do it all for you.

I ride the lonely mastodon
Out of the new self.
A teal finback slicing
The sea of blinding halos
Who only come in pairs.
I do it all,
I do it all for you.

I cross the Rubicon
To the frostbitten lands,
Where the sun set at four.
The bungalows leer at me;
I am a stranger to your world.
I do it all,
I do it all for you.