With each note I am taken into space,
I come across endless encounters,
My vision is vast,
There are no limits.
You open my eyes to the stars ahead,
And I float in stillness to the beat of your heart.

How do I find the words
For feelings I cannot explain
My mind cannot seem to reason with its own battles created
The mixed discomforts in my chest,
its different colours, tones and shades.
I want to pull away,
Escape
I want to be free,
But freedom sometimes scares me,
What does it mean to be free?
Many times I long to explore the sky,
Fill its every space
Open my eyes to the view below
Breathe in the knowledge of the world
Observe it from every angle, gain every perspective.
And just when I have taken the first step forward into my dreams,
I encounter storms and rage.
This isn't how I pictured freedom.
I quickly reverse to the beginning, behind a wall that is familiar
A place I have found immediate comfort
Because of our history and its refuge,
And I stay put in a small space
Until I feel I need another escape.

Falling down the rabbit hole,
Into the world they call Wonderland.
Falling and falling with subtlety and grace,
No way up, but down down down…
A portal to the unknown.
Where I will land, who I will find,
I do not know.

But gravity takes control,
There is no going back, this I know.
All that I knew,
All that I was,
Has taken its place in the past.
And as I fall further and further,
Darkness taking over,
Pieces of me are left behind.
Memories, no longer kept alive.

In colours, I once saw.
My mind, I once knew so well.
My thoughts, so simple, so clear,
There was certainty, no fear.
All have seemed to disappear.

This body I now carry, I do not recognize.
My hands and my feet, have taken new shape.
Visions of black and grey,
I can no longer escape.
I am forced to welcome its unfamiliarity,
its uncanny presence;
Experience its limitations, explore its essence.
Understand the other that has violated my entity,
Claims power over my destiny.

The fall seems endless,I’ve grown weary,
Numb to my transformation.
If only I could reach its destination,
Feel the ground beneath my feet again,
Control my every move, advance at my own pace;
Enter Wonderland, a new home,
I am forced to embrace.