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Feb 2014 · 429
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Mariah Fairre Feb 2014
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My love
My ecstasy
You've ruined me.

To me, my love, you are ecstasy.
You came into my world, and opened my eyes wide
A level of  happiness I did not know could exist
A haze of love and peace, of perfect contentment
But temporary
Expanding my capacity for joy, Creating new depths for pain
A constant ache of longing I can not bare
Ordinary happiness does nothing to fill emptiness you left behind
This low is not worth the high

My love
My ecstasy
You've ruined me.
Dec 2013 · 331
Home for the Holidays
Mariah Fairre Dec 2013
Back back now we go
to where we all know
Everything that once was
Will’ve remained just the same

They’ll ignore that you’ve grown
And the world that you’ve known
They’ll call you a child
And it will drive you insane

But you’ll nod and you’ll smile
And think all the while
You left them behind
And they’re not to blame.

All the places you’ve seen
Could never have been
But for their support of your spirit
Your heart, soul, and brain

So back back we will roam
To our childhood home
Where time has stood still
And you’ll rejoin their game

Pretend to be small
That you know nothing at all
That you’re an innocent child
Quiet and tame.
Dec 2013 · 371
Dwellings
Mariah Fairre Dec 2013
Here I will wonder
And there I will wander,
And everywhere ponder
What life is about.
Oct 2013 · 672
Waking
Mariah Fairre Oct 2013
9:51am Sunday, May 5th, 2013
I wake up to the sound of rain.
With my eyes closed I listen to it drum against my window,
And I listen to his steady breaths.
With my head on his chest I can feel his heart beat,
And I feel his hand on my bare back.
And in this moment, this perfect contentment,
I know that I love him.
And in this moment, this pure and quiet joy,
I feel as though I'll never be alone.

8:05am Tuesday, October 8th, 2013
I wake up to the sound of rain.
With my eyes still closed, I listen to it drum against my window.
And I swear I can almost hear him breathing,
Can almost feel his heart beat,
And his fantom hand on my bare back.
And I cling to the memory of this moment,
Trying desperately to delay the pain.
And I brace myself for the moment,
When I will wake up alone.
Oct 2013 · 518
Transient
Mariah Fairre Oct 2013
For one night, and one night only,
I will love you madly.
And I know from the way you move with me;
exquisite,
And from the longing in your eyes;
exulting,
That for one night, and one night only,
You will love me madly too.
Nov 2012 · 307
Forever ago
Mariah Fairre Nov 2012
This time last year
You were my best friend.
We would talk for hours,
Until the candles burned low.
We’d talk about nothing,
And everything,
And I was so happy.
Nov 2012 · 999
Drowning
Mariah Fairre Nov 2012
How does it feel.

How does it feel? Drowning?

A shocking force drives you deep deep under the change of matter and all around you the weight of the world is pushing you challenging you harnessing its unknowable might to break you until you don’t know which way is down

A numb and detached piece of you realizes it does not matter

And as the pressure drives through you your lungs begin to ache and your frantic heart is madly pounding airless blood through your swollen veins and you realize that you need air

But you know there is no air to be had

Desperation screams and the invisible noise hammers on the eardrums that were already broken and unconsciously seeing the inevitable end to this horror your body painfully forces you to pull in the toxic killer that surrounds you knowing the result and your decaying lungs are filled with ice

And then it changes

The hurt is still there and distantly you know you feel it you know you are still dying and if you are brave you know one small fiber of you is screaming and fighting because it is not ready to give up

But you are ready to give up

You are heavy and tired and the refreshing freeze of the water erases the burn of the memory of pain

Your brain is dead your heart is stone

preserved in its bleeding state

A heavy white sheet falls upon you and you are numb

You know you are dying

it is slower than you expected and

even on the reapers door you appreciate the irony

seconds are passing

and you know your very last

is approaching soon

and just before the

water turns black

you see

his face

his smile

his heart

and gladly you welcome the release.



How does it feel? Drowning?


I’ve never drowned. But I think it feels like this.
Oct 2012 · 700
Over the edge
Mariah Fairre Oct 2012
I stand on the edge of a great precipice,
A dream filling the expanse in front of me
Misty grey, entirely unsure
I rock back on my heels
It’s not too late to turn around.
Comfort, security, familiarity
Are waiting behind me,
In the small world I’ve always known
But ahead…

I don’t know what waits for me beneath the mist
If I jump off this precipice
The bottom might be hard and cold and empty
If the fall breaks me, will it hurt?
One foot out and my stomach drops
A nauseating blend of fear and anticipation
As I hang over the edge of my small world
A deep breath in,
And a quiet prayer for an adventure.
I jump
And I fly.
Oct 2012 · 386
Until it's Gone
Mariah Fairre Oct 2012
I didn't know I needed you
Until you were not there
Didn't begin to feel your love
Until it disappeared

And now you're gone
And I can't breathe.
Oct 2012 · 630
Disillusioned
Mariah Fairre Oct 2012
Soon those dreams will dissolve around you
The chimeras fantasies will reach their end
Your clothes of splendorous adventures will be torn and burned
And you will be left to face the cold, pitiless mirth
Reality will engulf you, naked and defenseless
And mock for those careless hours you spent imagining
Those hours you could’ve spent preparing
For the day you would have to grow up.
But you did not
And now
You are alone.


And the inescapable truth is this


No matter how much they tell you they love you


Or how much they show you they care


People will always leave


You will always be alone.
Oct 2012 · 1.6k
Knight
Mariah Fairre Oct 2012
It is she who steals into the sunless day
Bringing with her the warmth and color that cannot not survive in the shadowy black of night

Night that brings the heavy veil of weightless ink that covers all with beauty
Night that instills passion and fear and mystery and desire
Night of unspoken stories hanging on chilled breath
Night of floating dreamless sleep
Night of blended coal-black sea and diamond sky
Night of sliver sparkling moonlight, shining through the sweet-dewed mist
Night that finds her, the lonely wander,
Drinking in the silence and depth of night.
Oct 2012 · 700
Blue Dancing Bear
Mariah Fairre Oct 2012
There once was a land, some would call far
You can find it beneath the forty-eighth star
If you take a right turn at the end of the sky
And then follow the tears that a child has cried

Magic will find you, once you are there
It will come in the form of a blue dancing bear
From the curve of his nose, to the gait of his pose
To the belly that stops him from touching his toes
You’ll love this blue bear, wherever he goes

“Come and dance!” called the bear
From the gypsies green fire
“And we’ll whirl and we’ll twirl
‘round the cloud castle’s spire

You can stay there forever
Just you and the bear
And you’ll never be lonely
And you’ll never be scared
But know, as your dancing feet leave the ground
Once you’ve gone up
You can never come down
A life in the stars at the cloud castle’s fair
Spinning forever with the blue dancing bear
Oct 2012 · 1.2k
Smile Strong Warrior
Mariah Fairre Oct 2012
What is it to be strong?
Is it to remain standing, while the world around you falls?
Or is it to catch the falling world, and lift it above yourself
Knowing the weight will one day crush you

My mother is a warrior
Standing on a battle field
Surrounded by the carcasses of dead and broken dreams.
Dreams that she herself brought to their end, by the quickness of her own blade
And lost beneath the ****** hands and battle cries
Hides the broken child, who believed there would be more.
I don’t know why she does it
Fight the way she does
I’d like to believe it’s out of love for me
But I don’t think so.
I think it’s because she doesn’t know what else to do
She’s too strong to fall
Or too scared.
Oct 2012 · 633
Fathoms
Mariah Fairre Oct 2012
Deep
Like the ocean is deep
Fathoms and fathoms and fathoms
Of mysteries and of secrets
Ones that spark dreams and nightmares
Of millions of particles of life
The surface is a reflection of it's surroundings
But is so very different beneath the befuddled waves
External forces constantly affect it
The push and pull of the moon and the sun and the wind
Move it, but are unable to reach it at it's deepest
It is constantly moving, and changing
Bringing in the new
While fighting to maintain the essence of what it is
You are deep
Like the ocean is deep
Oct 2012 · 864
Secret Place
Mariah Fairre Oct 2012
Let me take you to my special place
Where I go to think, to read, to write, to breathe
To feel, to cry, to dance, and to smile
I grew up walking across it's endless rocky shore
Across the plains of the ocean depth
When the beams of silver moon have called the ocean away
And pulling with it the darkest of secrets that reside there
I love that place
Everything about it


I love the smells of that place
the tangy briny twist of salt in the air
The smokey memory of an open fire
And that nameless flavor rinding on the wind
that your mind cannot connect to scent

I love the mystery of that place
the untold story that lies with each faded footprint in the sand
the romantic language spoken by the howling wind and roaring waves
And the sense of longing each of us posses for the world that resides in the darkest depths of the sea

I love the feeling of that place
The comforting echo of familiar memories
the gentle caress of the cool Arctic wind on my skin
And the completing sense that everything is right

I love that place
It's where I'm happy
It's where I belong
Oct 2012 · 681
Dying
Mariah Fairre Oct 2012
He has nothing left to live for
Yet no energy to die
His soul was killed long ago
His spirit and will along with it
He is an empty shell with hollow eyes
Deprived of any emotion
Uncaring and unfeeling
No happiness but no pain
He’s dying

— The End —