She was so beautiful
The blind men would fall in love with her beauty.
She was so beautiful
The angels would give up their wings
So they could walk next to her.
She was so beautiful
The seagulls would fly to the desert
Just to be with her.
She was so beautiful
Not even the demons would dare to seed sins
in her pure soul.
She was so beautiful
I would let her hurt me over and over again
And thank her for that.
She was too beautiful for such a miserable heart
Like mine.

i am never alone
there are nightmares walking beside me every second of my life,
demons procreating in my head,
a freak show of feelings disguised like those clowns that terrify me,
my mind is the stage for a barbarian, ****** show,
i am an open field full of bombs that explode with every step I take breaking me
into little dark pieces of something that used to be warm and bright,
i mourn for my soul and I never remember how to laugh anymore,
i have this internal bleeding and there is neither cure nor doctor for it to treat it
i can feel how I am losing pieces of myself while running or walking or just breathing,
i can see the cage I’ve thrown myself in
i feel the sun burning my soul and I cannot stop it, I cannot cover it I can’t
run from it anymore because my legs are broken
i cry every day until I dissolve in my own sour tears
i don’t know how to cry for help anymore, I am tongue-tied
i am scared of breathing and scared of not breathing
i am never alone
they make me dance to their music until my legs give up and I fall, I crawl
into the darkness trying to hide but there’s no hiding from them
i know the only refuge
is in Death.

Dear friend,
I wish you could tell me
how am I supposed to speak when I know
my words will never reach your ears again,
how am I supposed to breathe when I know
that I no longer share the air with you,
how am I supposed to listen to anything
when I know my ears will never hear your voice again?

Dear fried, tell me
how am I supposed to wake up every morning
and see the daylight
when I know my eyes will never meet yours again?

How am I supposed to touch anything when I know
that my hands will never again touch your skin?
and tell me,
how am I supposed to feel warm
when your arms will never again be around my body?

Dear friend, please tell me
how am I supposed to let other lips kiss my forehead?

How am I supposed to smell the tulips again
Without remembering how you used to say that
I am like a tulip —beautiful in my simplicity?

Dear friend, please tell me
How could you go
When you promised you would never ever
Leave me?

When I think of you,
I see this imaginary person my mind has created
to make the pain easier to endure,
I see you reading my words
and writing to me,
worried or smiling,
sometimes happy, but most of the time sad.

When I think of you,
I can feel the warmth coming from your soul
even though it is full of cold darkness and full of demons in there,
when I think of you
I imagine your beautiful smile,
your voice whispering healing words,
your eyes looking into my heart,
I can see myself being in your arms and feeling safe.

When I think of you
I imagine someone who would wait for me
in a small, warm-lighted house,
at the end of a hard winter day.

When I think of you,
I see someone who would
Make soup for me when I am down and hungry.

When I think of you, it sometimes hurts
because I will never know if you are real,
I will never have the smile,
I will always have only the words.

When I think of you
I have the feeling of emptiness,
like a cold winter wind blows in my body.
I feel like my stomach clenches up in knots,
and I can't breathe or speak any more.

When I think you, it hurts so much
because I'm always down,
I'm always hungry.

Do you feel they'll like you better,
if you act the same
Do you think people will respect you,
when you act insane
Whatever you choose
The choice is yours
You can do better
Just change you're course
You don’t have to do what others do
or say what they say
Find that wisdom in yourself
And just walk away

Do you think he'll find you prettier,
with all that makeup on
Do you believe lying to yourself,
is better than doing wrong
Whatever you choose
The choice is yours
You can get better
Just don’t get forced
Into giving yourself like others do
Playing like they play
Find that wisdom in yourself
And make him wait

Do you think your child will respect you,
when you scream at him
Do you think she'll be able to trust,
now that you've taken everything
Whatever you choose
The choice is yours
Choose to do better
Change you're course
Be aware of the things you do
And the things that you say
Hoping you find that wisdom
That’s what I pray

It doesn't have to be this way
Your life is your own
Don’t throw it all away

Where had been the sky,
The superhero and ruby chip?
They lived here, ignored,
A while ago floating with
Ghosts of my mangroves and
Things I did not know
How to say- how to say.

I cannot gape anymore,
Let’s go back to Damascus,
Istanbul and verses you-
Did not know that spread
Wings beneath my skin
I have got stamps and ink,
Frozen food and deck of cards.

Sit with me and adapt
The ways how a mirror shake
Herself off the dirt and break
Her bones, his, endless ways.
There are plenty of things
They did not know how to-
Take, you and I, we dance.

And It happened.
One shot and everything fell apart.
Confusion turned into numbness
That would soon sum up
To sadness.

This is a farewell song,

The last words that I’ll ever exchange with you.

It’s a goodbye.

The end of everything.


Treat me as a stranger now and I’ll return the favour.

If some day, you run into me,

Do not take pains to smile or say hello, because I won’t return it.

Because a part of me won’t let me smile even if I want to.

Because my veins will tie my hands and stop me to reach for you,

to wave at you,  to embrace you, like I once did.

Because this is the end

It’s a goodbye.


You murdered my existence

There’s a part of me that’s always going to hate you,

A part of me that’s always going to remember you,

And remind me why storms are named after people.