Spring Ahead
Fall Behind
Walking through the warm leaves
I heard a couple
Thank God
For an extra hour of sleep
But we just looked at each other
With knowing smiles
And headed back to your place
And for that extra hour
We drove in your car
At 90 miles an hour
With the windows down
Blaring jazz music
Cigarettes trailing smoke
And orange embers
Behind us
And we sat on your couch
And drank cheap beer
Till everything was fuzzy
And I couldn’t hear right
And you kissed me when I turned your way
Because you thought I wanted it
And I just couldn’t tell what you said
And you kissed me harder
As you pulled down my skirt
Clumsily
Because you hadn’t done this in a while
And our skin smelled like beer
And nicotine
And regrets
And it was the most beautiful
Imperfect
Night of my life
And when we heard the one o’clock church bells
A second time
You pulled back on
Your ripped up jeans
And I slipped my phone
Under my bra strap
And I left
Closed your door
Covered in chipping paint
Years of frat boys' dreams
Stripping off
And I left
And that was the end
And that hour never existed

And the rain is falling
Making music off the roofs of the cars
And we stand there
In the steam rising from the
Parking lot pavement
Shadows made from
Alarmed headlights
First, still
Then, quickly moving
From two separate shapes
To one jumble of limbs
The two of us becoming indistinguishable
As I can’t hold you close enough to me
And after so long waiting
I don't mind
My tears mixing
With the rain
Making our first open-mouthed kiss
Wet and messy
And you tangle your fingers
Into my waterlogged curls

My door squeaks open
At 5 am sharp
And you swear as it clicks shut
Because you’re always afraid
Someone will notice you
But it’s off your mind
Like my clothes come off me
This is an old routine now
Just steps we follow
Actions we take
Without meaning
Just something we’ve always done
And always will do
And we whisper fake
Unholy phrases
In time with the beating
Of your gold crucifix
Against your pale chest
And when we’re done
You slip back on your black skinny jeans
And tuck your necklace in your shirt
And head home to shower before church

Your unpursed lips
Slam against mine
Flattening them
Holding them still
While the rest of us
Moves too fast
I breathe in your scent
Of nicotine and Jack
Quickly
When your strong hands
Suddenly pull
My jeans down my thighs
My own hands drag your sweatshirt
Over your head
And your hands are the only thing covering me
Everywhere
At once
With motions I'm unaware of
You guide me to
The pristine white comforter
Thrown on when I heard your knock
You toss it back
Revealing the mess underneath
And without a second thought
You dive right in
Pulling me with you

I had no idea
What I was getting into

And I'm still sleeping in the same sheets
Unclean
From our sleepless night
The used comforter
Crumpled up
At the end of the bed
Mirroring the curled up corpse
Of what you have left of me

I wish you’d kiss away my tears
Wish you’d open my lips
The way you have
Every intricate part of me
And steal your name
Right off my lips
Right out of my mouth
Until all thats left of me
Is this drunken desire
To drink to forget
Your
Name

You're far too perfect to be mine
And far too perfect to forget
Military short hair
Blonde in the summers
When you lifeguard
Almost brunette in the winters
When you're a ski instructor
A single vein in your forehead
That shows when you feel
Passionately
About some noble cause
Brown eyes that are
Too quiet to hear
Over the fireworks that explode
From their outside corners
With your laughter
Strong shoulders
From years of military training
Arms the perfect length
To encircle me
When you're excited to see me
When I need to cry
Because you want to
All leading down to your heart of gold
Lacking scars of
Heartbreak
To mar the
Flawless surface
You're my best friend
The one I tell my darkest secret
My biggest fear
My newest achievement
My deepest sorrow
But never
How much I miss him
You're far too perfect to be mine
And far too perfect to forget

Hopeful lights turn off
For the night
Wishing on unseen lucky stars
For a small respite
Before the next battle
Tomorrow
You want real darkness
Without bright monitors
And flashing lights
But some wounds are too severe
And must mend before the 'morrow
One green light shines
Like a beacon
Your saving grace
Releasing a sweet numb
Making you forget
A little
About how bad it all feels
Whatever makes the pain go away
And you lay waiting
Rallying
Hoping tomorrow will come faster
Whatever the outcome
Of the next battle