I am lonely, not lonely

the choice up to now
has been mine

I will slip away
(at will)
into the recesses
of small shops
of empty rooms
or quiet spaces

to avoid her touch
or his gaze
or their judgement
our subconscious desires.

But all swallowed up

deep in the belly
of fog, of smoke
a vast, impenetrable

night sky

suddenly the
all-encompassing fear
grips me

washes over
so suddenly

I realize
I have not lived at all

that I am
suddenly
(forcibly)
the only one left.

Down a long, winding road
that trudges on endlessly
into the fading silhouette of trees
and broken sidelines

dim headlights

I am lonely, not lonely.

I hope the rain could breath,
So they knew,
How fantastic their smell is.

Could it be today, when my path,
Brought me to the dew,
Of the morning sun glories.

It was my seven birthday,
They called me menaced and shut my mind down with their own imagination
Too young, too devil to born they said
I came to the point where no one to believing
Said it was too young to think out of the cage
They was sad when I said I want to be me
They said you want to be you, then you lose me
What even I try to forgive when my mind hard to forget
See, the light ever tried to blind me down,
But I said put the light on, more
And **** me
And when will you see I’m trying?
When is the right time to finding me?
The sky is open, same like the wound on my chest
The wound on my arm,
The wound on my heart,
You know you cant see but you kept crafting of it
Hate me hate more if that could make you get the me more
I want to ******* **** it all the way down
But do you see me now?
All the scars was the painless art soul
They draw me, they create me
**** they talked braved me
To the point I hate seeing you smile
To the latest blood from my razor will be my last tears
I hope not to be the one you concern
I hope not to be the one you played
The drama inside your brain,
I’m not the actor
Keep pushing my head down
I’m showing you the hell from it.
I’m showing you the part of me
Which I keep in a hush hush **** my head
They wont tell a lie, they wont find a way.

the atmosphere,
the cat and hiding behind the bench,
the tears you are afraid to say,
life a like, like rain under thunderstorms
silent, silent like a death body underground
but the king, the government, the rich, and the happiest people alive?
they are loud,
they are laughing
they are crying,
with tears and joy and pain you do not have money to pay for,
but the show is still going on,
and you are already as a spectacle
in a life you don't want to.