I am not a book you can put down and pick up when you're up for it,
I am not the chorus of a song, I am the song in its entirety
I will  inspire to be a better person in the name of you,
I would choose to walk to the ends of the universe and pray not to fall,
only to have fallen into an abyss waiting for you,
only to have fallen so far in love with you.

I am like a rolling thunder constantly in movement,
I am human and my human heart is falling apart,
the alarms are ringing in my ears and my tears,
only feels the fear that my shivering hands feel.
I am human and my human heart is beating itself up for you.

I am not a book you can put down on a shelf to collect dust,
I am not the crumbs and crust at the end of what is left of a pizza,
nor am I a people pleaser, I am the embodiment of a raging storm
chose to conform to its environment because fighting a futile fight
is pointless.

I am not an owl awake in the night because I chose to stare at stars,
I am filled with scars that I am hoping the trail of a shooting star could fill,
the night ink drenched on a broken quill, the missing smile,
the living portrayal of denial and a hurting heart.

In my mind we are forever together, in my mind I am holding you,
sober news sounds better than drunk news, the world is safer
the later the hours turn and arm in arm, we are close.
I will always close my eyes and dream of that better life I painted,
even if it is tainted with the wet stains of streaming tears, I close my eyes
painting blue skies with a figure filled with dried eyes where cries
are silenced.
I am still painting, that Disney wedding embedding costumes into mind,
I might be blind but I'll still find my way to your arms, and each scar
is dissipating, the world is levitating on our shoulders
but it doesn't matter.

Please tell me I am still dreaming...because I would rather be dreaming
than imagining...

I am not a book you can put down and pick up when you want,
I am not a picture book with figures erased and faded ink, I am sinking...

I am not a book you can put down so ...please can you come pick me back up?

I don't have a name,
just a picture hung without a frame.
Dust at my corners;
what am I made of?
Blackened mud and
forbidden love.
I'm not the one that
you're thinking of;
I'm just the one that
you're picking up
when you need to feel
something real.
I been missing pieces
since we broke apart.
I better rehearse
and just play my part.
Notice how my pain
is a work of art?
Paint me all the colors
in your Mozart.
Even though in my soul
it's completely dark.

I found an empty book, it's labelled biology- grade nine,
fake lines ran across the book, never any real content,
to feel content with what I read was an impossible matter,
scattered diagrams of human anatomy too far from realism
because realistic diagrams would include labels to hearts
with coloured charts stating that 'this may fall apart-
not by fat barricades, but to paraphrase a different place,
Neruda chases the stars and from afar as the cages of ribs
would rip and sometimes, just enough to have felt loved,
to feel enough with being held for just a night, a short time,
but life is built beyond a biology book.

It is so strange that I have learnt so much more about life
than ninth grade biology because being biologically correct
doesn't ***** the hairs on my back as an assortment of words
like an assortment of birds aren't really meant to be described
as assortments and a biology book isn't really meant to describe life.

i'm sorry if i hurt you
but you deserve the
best and i'll take the
time to study for this
test of virtue.  

© Matthew Harlovic

i passed by you today
seems like i could never escape you
the radio tells me
that nothing has changed in this old town
we seem to keep running
into each other
for we are in a circle
where's the stop sign?

for all these times
nothing has got me quite worried
as much as the thoughts
of not being able
to love another soul
like you.
of the thought that
it would take me years
to move on
or
would i even be able to do that?

but nothing fears me the most
than
not being able to feel the same
emotional attachment
with any other soul
like we do.
what if i grow up
and ended up
not loving someone who i got married with?

*what if there is no one else quite like you