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2.1k · Mar 2019
eraser
mal frost Mar 2019
pencil eraser, whiteboard eraser,
gum eraser,
vinyl eraser, kneaded eraser-
hell, all i need is a
memory eraser,
to eraseher
:)
2.0k · Oct 2018
under pressure
mal frost Oct 2018
but i like it,
the stress that i
heap onto myself like an extra serving
high expectations that i know I can't reach
"shoot for the stars", yeah,
but my spaceship light up and fall back down
straight through the clouds
that they said would catch me

but i like it,
the stress that makes my hands
shake, my heart race, my mind buzz
every smoke, every drink, every kiss
one hundred times better

and i love it,
the stress that'll crush me alive
diamond in the rough
nah, i'm just some coal
combusting, all or nothing
to the end.
stress feels so good
1.5k · Oct 2018
solar flares
mal frost Oct 2018
lights blink like lost stars
as shadows stretch through depths of time
from Jupiter to the edge of Mars
no solar flare could match your smile
some people have those smiles that you live for
1.3k · Oct 2021
haunted // buried alive
mal frost Oct 2021
i feel him, even now
somewhere, deep in the depths of my mind
is a small boy
buried six feet deep in a coffin
carved of bone

i hear him, even now
screaming and scratching
(in vain)
his anguish muffled by the wooden planks
above

on those rare nights when he breaks out
clawing up through the dirt and mud
gasping for air through the floor
he finds himself in a manor of memories

a house, of sorts,
thoroughly haunted,
locked away in a labyrinth of logic
each recollection rationalized to high hell and back

sins from my father and violence from my mother
ghosts of the past,
troubled thoughts and painful words
etched into my existence
forever

and the nightmares begin to scream, too
demons and ghouls crawling out of the shattered mirrors
beckoning to the frightened boy
to join them

i hate him, even now
for the cold sweats that
he sends to me, a soul frightful
damaged beyond repair

and so I close my eyes
taking a deep breath
making my way through the maze
untouched by the shadows that torment him
for i am a shadow, myself

knocking down the door,
he looks to me,
with tearful amber eyes
and pleads for sweet release
"friend, please."

if I knew how, I would.

shovel in hand
i drag him back down,
kicking, screaming,
begging

and bury him alive once more.
1.1k · Oct 2018
tropical hallow's eve
mal frost Oct 2018
the murky sky set alight
by the drowned sun's tangerine tears
smoky clouds framed against the endless sea
of horizon.
maybe one day you'll see this poem and you'll know you inspired it
937 · Nov 2019
waking up
mal frost Nov 2019
i woke up last night
in my sleep
looked around,
then jumped off a building
so i could go back to sleep
800 · Mar 2020
god, why me?
mal frost Mar 2020
i'm cursed to feel
EXTREME!
soaring love and burning wrath
i overheat, shut d
                               o
                                 w
                                    n

- for a bit
wilting, into the cold,
numb until
         I

    g      i     e!
i      n      t
once more
756 · Sep 2020
and i write!
mal frost Sep 2020
and i write,
like a madman grasping for scraps
of sanity

and i write,
because i'm not okay,
and i might never be

and i write,
as my tears well up,
held back by ignorance and pride

and i write,
when this absurdity overwhelms me,
and panic takes hold of me

and i write,
so i can explore always,
for where can you go when it's all in your head?

and i write...
so i write.
<3 4:01 AM
741 · Jun 2019
hurry up
mal frost Jun 2019
just get it over with,
blow up already - make it BIG!
get out there, grab their a t t e n t i o n

hurry up, tick tock
stop saying later,
i said NOW.

i'm t i r e d
of waiting
707 · Feb 2021
what is.
mal frost Feb 2021
there's a lot of danger in deconstruction
in the illusion of a rational, logical world,
it's almost seductively simple.

but i think it's high time we stopped worrying about
what things are made of
and started accepting what they are

it is
rather than
why?

sometimes, at least. to keep the noise down.
don't fall for the illusion like I did.
702 · Oct 2020
scared
mal frost Oct 2020
of love
but I chase it anyway
I love life right now for the first time in a long time
689 · Feb 2021
a frantic manic dance
mal frost Feb 2021
that i dance
through time and space
chaos and order swirl eternally

thinking and dreaming,
worrying and scheming,

writing and creating,
erasing and destroying,

loving and laughing,
hating and fighting

everything that I will do,
I have already done.

and everything I have already done,
I will do.

and then maybe i'll get a breather.
the eternal braid
669 · Apr 2021
lavish laving
mal frost Apr 2021
i bask in my own thoughts,
a poet's dream come true,
when they flow and dance in the moonlight
dripping off your fingertips,
     luminescent
and sublime.

i remember now, that even if I never loved myself,
I've always loved my own writing, and the stories I told myself.
and in my own head, in these moments,
it's almost as if I can read my own poetry,

temporary, ethereal,
living the lies I tell myself so freely,
that I become the child I once was.
11:47 PM, about to head to bed after 32hours of conciousness.
635 · Mar 2019
excel-lence
mal frost Mar 2019
i try my best
(to try my best)

crumpled papers litter
my trash can

long lost post-it's
with forgotten goals

distant dreams
left in the dust

i'll do it!
tomorrow.
602 · Aug 2020
happy birthday
mal frost Aug 2020
to me
happy birthday
to me
i lived one more year
let's hope for the next three
517 · Nov 2021
pool house -> numb
mal frost Nov 2021
kids on the lawn,
stuck in their pairs of two...

I had a pool house, once
took it for granted,

and now I live it out in my memories
the bad days became the good ones

and the good ones the bad

funny how that works, isn't it?

I've never felt such happiness
nor such pain,

I imagine it only gets worse

my only solution is to become numb.
504 · Feb 2020
morning fog
mal frost Feb 2020
birds chirp as the sun
climbs over the horizon
the dawn of the day
that has just begun
clouds my mind with fog
and yet everything is clear,
oh so clear.

crickets chime as the sun
slips from the sky
the dusk of the night
that has just begun
poisons my mind with terrors
and it comes undone
and yet everything is sharp
no longer veiled by the fog
oh so sharp,
oh so frightening.
you ever feel like the morning fog of the mind is comforting?
mal frost Apr 2021
the sentence has already been passed
so why do we still plead our case?

are we truly innocent?
were we ever?
i suppose the judge will tell us,
at the end.
we cannot (and should not) be our own judge, jury, and executioner. We can only be the jury to each other's cases as the time ticks on. do not judge your peers, but listen. do not strike down dreams, but give the the chance to blossom.

it is a great relief to know that my case will come to a verdict one day.
492 · Mar 2020
off the grid
mal frost Mar 2020
i am the pen that bleeds
all over every paper it touches
tossed into the back of the drawer
too much ink to write,
too little ink to be thrown away

i wait.
476 · Nov 2021
find me, please
mal frost Nov 2021
i'm still searching,
relentlessly
467 · Feb 2019
it's whatever
mal frost Feb 2019
it is-
whatever,
no, I don't really care,
yes, I'm okay

it is-
whatever,
no, I didn't cry
yes, I'm "chill" with you

it is-
whatever,
no, I didn't even like you like that
yes, I'm not heartbroken

it is-
whatever,
no, I'm not crazy, not crumbling to pieces, not losing my mind
yes, we're all going to die, so it doesn't matter anyway

is it-
whatever?
yes, I'm not "okay"
no, that's not "okay"
okay
467 · May 2021
the war has ended.
mal frost May 2021
the great war,
my war,

against my parents
and my family,

my culture,
and my heritage,

our religions,
and our God

has come to a screeching halt at the doors of the Ultimate Truth.
and thus I was transformed,
I feel like a child again, now,
impure in actions
but pure in belief

and my tattered past led me to it,
so to all my sins,

thank you.

to all my enemies,

thank you.

to all my friends and my lovers and my family

thank you .

and,
of course, last but not least,
to the Truth that hides beneath the illusion of our existence,
guiding us mercifully -- to where, we know not -- to the Absolute and the Negation of Nothingness, bringer of Unity and founder of the school of thought known as Logic and Reason

thank you.
I left high school feeling lost, searching desperately for something -- what , I knew not.
After many spiritual journeys (although I didn't realize they were spiritual at times) I have finally found it, and now I feel empowered to live my life in control instead of feeling like I was in the backseat.
mal frost Feb 2021
to the stereotypes i never fit,
the homely summer camp I never attended,
the beers I never shared with my dad,
the conversations about girls I never had with my mom,
the sports I never played, the language I never mastered
too white to be African but too African to be white.
446 · Mar 2020
time
mal frost Mar 2020
flies
when you're having fun.
trickles
when you're bored.
freezes
when we're together.
vanishes
when I'm dreaming.
bends
when I'm high.
but tell me -
where does it go when I sit in bed,
staring at,
thinking of,
worrying about,
dreading,
everything and yet nothing at all?
t i m e

collapsed in on itself like a
                                
                           ack **
                      bl              le,

from the heights of mania
                                         ROARING
                                                    d
                                                      o
                                                        w
                                                          n
                                                    to the abyss of d e s p a i r,

a waterfall! of moments wasted -
and I'm lost in the current, drowning,
until my alarm goes off
eight hours
later
444 · Mar 2021
grasping for god
mal frost Mar 2021
and His light has finally pierced
my clouds
once more,

in due time,
perhaps I can still find peace.
439 · Apr 2021
i am an animal
mal frost Apr 2021
a mad dog
a sly fox
a starving hyena
rabidly consuming the reality around me

gnashing,
chomping,
biting,
tasting,

killing.
"Wine I loved deeply, dice dearly; and, in woman, out-paramoured the Turk: false of heart, light of ear, ****** of hand; hog in sloth; fox in stealth, wolf in greediness, dog in madness, lion in prey." - 3.4.90 King Lear by William Shakespeare
413 · Oct 2021
great things // perfection
mal frost Oct 2021
i always wanted to do them

and, for a long time,
       I thought myself great

yet, the more I chased greatness
the more it eluded me,

until I found myself to be not unlike a
pretty face with nothing behind it

I will never be great,
the chase for perfection is ceaseless
at least now, I can stop trying to make myself perfect
a rather egotistical approach to these things, in my opinion

instead, I want to make the things I put out into this world great
and they can be,
because my ego isn't attached to them
and so they're freer from myself than I could ever be

and that, to me,
is perfection
a perfectionist's ramblings
413 · Jan 2021
psychdelica wanderings
mal frost Jan 2021
i wish i could look down at the book
and say
"i know you're jealous of ME,
of my life, and my writing
    in this information a
                                        g
                                           e
. B e c a u s e  i
                          ... still..
                                      b e l i e v e
                                         that i can be anything."
the author in question: Ernest Hemingway.
392 · Mar 2021
futile // why not?
mal frost Mar 2021
we are machines that collect information
that is being destroyed

we try to preserve this information
try to understand it
but from our perspective,
entropy is irreversible.

it's the great pity of it all.
we exist only as machinations of the universe,
in this loop,
perhaps our brains simply aren't meant to see time backwards
time isn't backwards, then.

so what happens, then?
heat death of the universe, i guess.

and then what?
nothing, probably because it won't happen
why?
well, to that i ask,
why not?

i don't think humans will be immortal in the sense that we live in biological bodies forever.

i think we'll co exist, as beautiful creators in the stars,
painting beautiful pictures,
faster and faster,
like shooting stars in a galaxy of light
painting until time itself stretches into eternity
with our generations of infinite beauty
and that
will be heaven,
where all our thoughts are remembered,
and reconstructed,
a museum of gorgeous paintings
a library of the most beautiful stories,
a collage of the most pure moments.

and we'll be there, my dear,
framed forever,
you and me,
and our family.
why not?
390 · Mar 2019
alabaster
mal frost Mar 2019
the soft white sheen of
night lights, bouncing off your skin
mingling with the warm scent of lilies
and vanilla
389 · Apr 2019
reminisce
mal frost Apr 2019
tangled in your sheets, late at night,
you sweat - and scratch - and sit upright!

but as time ticks on, you slip back in
a dream as real as your life of sin

on cobbled paths your journey goes through
long-lost memories you thought you outgrew

you loved her so much, and you thought she knew
yet she vanished like a ghost without a clue

the fairy that left you now haunts your slumber
so awaken! for sweet dreams will only make you number.
the nice dreams always hurt more
388 · Mar 2020
keep laughing
385 · May 2020
torn away
mal frost May 2020
from sleep's warm, loving embrace,
left to face the fire in a cold rage
383 · Oct 2018
peter pan
mal frost Oct 2018
she says she doesn't want anything.
to change
and i say i do, that
i want to light my life up
live fast and bright
douse it in gasoline and watch it burn
like a bonfire in the night

she says she doesn't want anything.
to change
"not scared; just comfortable"
(enough)
and risks aren't that worth it
if only she knew
that was the best part about them

she says she doesn't want anything.
to change
and i'm supposed to be the logical one,
always thinking of the possibilities
if only she knew
i only think of them so that i can throw out
all the boring ones, the safe ones,

she says she doesn't want anything.
to change
but she dreams of life
and lives in blue
still she tells me she's
just fine, only too tired
when going out has become a chore
she'd rather just stay in place

and i don't want anything
to stay.
hope she'll find the magic
like peter pan i'll fly her away
and we'll never land
hearts alight,
far over the bay.
opposites attract
377 · May 2019
strobe lights
mal frost May 2019
as i stood there,
catching my breath
your figure, dancing like there was no tomorrow
came to me in flashes
a slideshow of kodak moments
swept me far, far, away
and left me eternally breathless
you're really somethin, ya know.
mal frost Sep 2020
and i play my own music
late night talks and midnight walks
"these days don't end"
and we won't ever let them
344 · Nov 2019
the last time
mal frost Nov 2019
the tear dripped down my cheek
seven years ago
if i had known it would be my last
maybe i would have tried to enjoy it
more.
i haven't been able to cry since that day.
343 · Apr 2019
any second now
mal frost Apr 2019
11 pm
weary after a day of work
i sip some chamomile
and lie in bed
hoping
tonight will be different

4:40 am
the summer's impending blessing of light
terrifies me
as I watch the moonlight drown
in a brightening sky

5:30 am
any second now,
I still have time
but the chirps and tweets of the early bird
put out the last light of hope.

tonight will be different.
the morning songs of bird carry with them a finality to those who cannot sleep- better luck next time
339 · Oct 2020
it felt like a dream
mal frost Oct 2020
wake me up when september ends
and i dreamed through it all
and i met her,
is she real?
330 · Sep 2020
the subtle transition
mal frost Sep 2020
of turning your lights off as the sun rises.
323 · Nov 2021
way with words
mal frost Nov 2021
what use is it, though?

when I use it to conceal the real me from those I love,
        - not by choice, but by circumstance

what use is it, though?

when I use it to reach the ends I seek,
       - not through virtue, but through wrath

I tear and I thrash,
knowing that,
one day.

I will have to let go of it all.
i love her.
she's too good for me, though

will I have to let her go or will I be better?

what does better mean?
319 · Jun 2019
crunch time
mal frost Jun 2019
a single bead
of cold sweat
t
  r
    i
      c
         k
            l
              e
                 s
                
                  d
                  o
                  w
                  n
my forehead
      
it's time.
trying some new things out
310 · Feb 2020
wrath
mal frost Feb 2020
boiling
molten,
enraged,
i set sight on the world around me
and light it up.
310 · Dec 2021
metamorphosis
mal frost Dec 2021
i need it, so bad.

I want to change how others perceive me

fine tune it,

draw a pretty picture for the world to see,

and so I list all my defects -- mental and physical --
certain things about the way I look, think, and act

and their solutions

procedures, drugs, lifestyle changes,

and i work on ticking off every item in the list

yet I do wonder, sometimes

if it'll all be in vain

if, perhaps, happiness lies in acceptance

I'm afraid I'm too brash to accept that fact itself, at least for now.

Instead, I'll keep believing that it lies in the pursuit of perfection,
and I'll keep weaving my cocoon from the world,
waiting, patiently,
for the day I may emerge and be content
maybe even proud

of my metamorphosis
309 · Oct 2018
happy like smoke
mal frost Oct 2018
joy fleeting like smoke
exhaled away and lost to me
gone in the wind like
a ghost in the air, right through my fingers
catch it for me
i can't.
sometimes i feel like we can only be happy for short periods of time, and we have to let it go so we can feel it again.
307 · Apr 2021
what stops me
mal frost Apr 2021
it was never so much the fear of failure
when contrasted with the OBSESSION
of perfection.
302 · Mar 2021
if all we have is time
mal frost Mar 2021
and we really are falling,
faster and faster to our end,

i hope i find me (and you)
sometime soon
298 · Nov 2019
momentum
mal frost Nov 2019
soul food,
rocket fuel,
we think-
and bookmark
mementos:
concepts
for tomorrow.
too fast,
burning brakes and
acrid rubber smoke
screech!
297 · Feb 2021
liberation
mal frost Feb 2021
it was when i came to understand that
"I"
was not real
that i realized i was
LIMITLESS
nothing is impossible
297 · Sep 2021
thousand petaled lotus
mal frost Sep 2021
you are the soul i’ve searched for,
far more beautiful and capable than I could ever even imagine,
although i’ll tell you,
again and again,
as the heat of the summer envelopes us,
just how gorgeous you are
and how i’m yours, now and forever,

every memory with you a dazzling display,
a kaleidoscope of water lilies in bloom
you are my crown chakra,
my Sahasrara,
my thousand petaled lotus,
each petal a moment more beautiful than the last
timeless, immanent,
a respite in the deserts of my existence,
that I once mistook for a mirage,
thinking it to be almost too good to be true.

but now, with the patience and faith you taught me to find for myself,
we bloom,
sacred flower and thorned rose,
in our own Garden of Eden
poem i wrote for someone special a while back... just celebrated three months with her the other day  :)
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