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All my things fall away like the loose satin of a slip
Endless in its descent and completely free of conviction

Mindless in its priorities and forgiving of the moonlight
Sleepy in the silence of the twilight of the night

Who gives the prayer to the dark of the day
Who tells of the travellers that come sneaking up my way
Who takes the shame, burns away my sight
How in the endeavour of the endless I will fight

Diamonds in the rough I take with me in my wound
Glossing over the sunny sands of the eternal dunes
Cry to the ravens, cry and cry me over
Speed in the tightest spaces of the greed of cover

Sap me in the daylight and perhaps one day it will
Crawl me in the yonder life and keep me ever still
Race me and chase me, dire in all my needs
Frightened and silenced from all that I may see

Grip my heightened perception undulating in the springs
Amass me the corporations and the grit of insomniac swings
Trite in the hive groans, implicit in their destruction
Give me all the room to take in these emotions

Flat and back, flatten the back,
Tie in the seashores and pull in the ocean
Fight for the sunrise and take in the sky
I need nothing more than to see that winding light.
© Helios Rietberg, April 2011
Panic strikes me
as I realize that
I'm alone

Alone for the first time--
and I don't know
what to do with myself

All these people
Insistent beeping, buzzing,
rolling, shutting

My collective mind
Unraveling
Before my eyes as I have
No one to talk to
to
Connect
with

Floundering
thumbing through
my contacts
to find someone

Anyone

To make me feel wanted,
to feel that my company,
even if through a phone,
is wanted, that I am
desirable

As I fold in on myelf
the Layers turning inward,
eating themselves--

The waitress leans down and asks:

Is everything okay?

I respond, muttering:

mmhm.

It's killing me from the outside in
you know...

But I don't say that

As the layers fold,
the only thing that remains
is a scared little girl
just as frightened as she was
the day she opened her eyes
underwater
and looked around
and realized how eerily
vast and deep the water was...

It still scares her.
It scares me.
And I realize
that the one thing
I can't stand more than
Anything
more than death itself:
is being alone.

Why?

Because when I am
alone with my thoughts
That vastness
that deep ocean of nothingness
bathed in a burning, purified chlorine
Haunts me

Because I cannot fill it,
not even with the deepest of thoughts,
the most vivid sentiments
Cannot satisfy the depths
of the reflective blue against
a slate of unfeeling cement
Written: December 17, 2009

Author's Note: I wrote this in a Christmas card that was given to me recently. I was at Wendy's after I went to the movies with a friend. The christmas card was all I had to write in, so I used it. The girl cleaning up must have seen my face ******* up in concentration as I wrote feverishly, and was concerned for me. I find it ironic that she talked to me considering the subject of my poem, but I thought I would share the circumstances with you regardless.
Of All the Smiles that I have Caught,
Yours is The One I want to Keep.
Of All the Hands that I could Hold,
Yours are the ones to Fit in Mine.
Of All the Arms that could Comfort Me,
Yours is the Embrace that Feels like Home.
Of All the Souls that could be Mine,
I Found yours to Complete My Own.
I wrote this for one of my best friends in this world
I Love you Rose and Dan
XXV
Staring at the mirror
Thoughts rushing in at once
I look in disgust
At someone who can't be loved
I find myself asking
Will he ever love me?
Can he ever love me?
The answer in my heart
Already says no

— The End —