And at night, I no longer check under my bed
Because the scariest monsters are all in my head.

This poem could well be my last
I don’t care what score you give me
Whether it be a 10.5 or 11
It doesn’t matter to me
The reason for this poem
Is simply to get everything off my chest
To let the world
To let everyone within this room
Know exactly who I am as a person
To know me as the poet who almost never was
This is basically my life story
So please bear with me
It started February 10, 1996
I was born unfortunately
At 9 months old
I was taken from my mother and father
Placed in a foster home for 6 months
The foster parents couldn’t handle me
At 13 months old when I was returned
My mother soon abandoned me
The reason being drugs and alcohol
She never even looked back
She was offered help on several occasions
Sadly she refused
I lived a quiet life
Lived in California for the first 8 years
My father and the woman I believed to be my mother
Broke the news to me and told me this story
Since then I became the resentful
***** the world
Hate life and love all together
Person you see today
I spiraled down into the darkest parts of hell
Nothing amused me
I started using *** as a coping mechanism
At the age of 12
I than was introduced to drugs
Smoked *** and it numbed me
Started sneaking alcohol from my parents
And every relationship I had
I either failed or pushed them away
I keep searching for something
That no female can give me
And it’s a love not offered by anyone
Not even that god you so hopelessly worship
I don’t condemn it
I just don’t see the relevancy in it
Every year I become darker
My poetry a reflection of it
I have abandonment issues
As well as trust issues
My heart sealed away
Locked in sheets of metal
Covered in chains and barbed wire
I have really only loved two people
Both of who have abandoned me
Both of which I seem to torture myself
With the memories of them I have
I cant seem to do anything right
My parents cursing me and calling me names
Most likely the reason to my self-esteem issues
I have attempted suicide three times
One being when I tried to shoot myself
But I didn’t know it didn’t work properly
Two being when I tried hanging myself
But the tree branch broke
Three being when I tried overdosing
But my best friend rushed me to the hospital
Luckily the doctor was a friend
He didn’t tell my parents
Because I begged him not to
Since those failed attempts
I have killed myself in over a million fashions
The top ways being shot or strangulation
I will not continue this any further
For fear of being reported to a psychologist
But I will say this
Through all this Bs
I will stand strong
Continue to **** myself within my work
And if none of you like it
Get lost by all means
It’s to express me as a person
And also that no matter what
I will go down as a god

I'm sorry
I do not feel that way
I'm sorry
You did not know
I'm sorry
I thought I did
I'm sorry
But when I say "I have to go"
I mean
I don't feel this way, and I can't fake it anymore
You have always been such a sweet friend
And though there wasn't much to begin with
It must come to an end
I wish that I liked you, believe me I do
But I know that I can't
And I don't want to use you
So when I say "I have to go"
I mean
*I don't feel this way, and I can't fake it anymore