She's petrified of your lying eyes
& can't you hear the pain behind her cries?
She hates the way you look me in the eye,
& you hide behind one pathetic lie,

Don't look at me like that if you say you love her.

Honestly,
How the **** did we get here?
& How the hell did you fill her with fear?
She's not the same person she was
Before you because,
She lived fearless, but you broke her system
In her head, she should've believed to them
When they said
"Soon after him, you'll be dead."

She never said it'd be a clean break
because Her train has derailed again
and this time she made sure
you were crushed in the collision.
This is the end of everything,
She's made sure of that.

It's not my fault,
That I can't leave the house.
I can't stop
Being self conscious at all.
It's eating me alive.
It's taking my soul.

I wish I could leave the house
As easily as
Every other teen.
I want to be like them.
I wish to fit in.

Most days,
It's hard to breathe.
Most days,
I struggle to eat.

I hate me.
I hate who I am.
I want to leave this shell I'm caged in.
I want to be someone else.
Anybody else.

When the smoke engulfs you,
smothers your lungs
cough cough splutter
and your head spins
in the indulge of pleassure
cough cough splutter
Swarmed by the rush of people
in Sydney minding their own business
walking these twisting streets
cough cough splutter
it's at that point that you realise
this is where you're supposed to be
who you're supposed to be
and what you're meant to do.

I flew into the storm
embracing fear
as the first lightning
struck the trees below.
fire broke out
and the rain fought it.
I was
drenched in fear
water
and electricity.
It was so beautiful
standing in the eye of the storm
considering if
marrying myself to nature
is a weird
and unacceptable movement.

The truth is;
You're bad,
You're a torture
i inflict on myself,
You're not healthy,
Bad, Horrible, Disgusting
But i miss you.

The fact is;
Despite what they say,
I still loved you.
You treated me better
than they ever knew.
You were so beautiful to me
and I loved you.

If contradiction
was a meritable skill
I'd be at the top of the league.
Everything from fears
to opinions on government.
Everything about my head is
a contradiction
and no one understands.