I wish it would stay dusk forever.

I want to stare at the pale blue sky and watch it darken as black crescendos into its color.

The sharp orange glow softens the day to night, contrasting shadows above the houses and onto their cul-de-sac streets.

Young boys playing in their driveways as their back packs strew across their darkening room.
Little no-see-ums stream across the orange fuzz brightened white and swarming into their groups just in front of their faces.

I want that warm summer hugging feeling to stay wrapped around my back as I stare away from the orange ball.

That smell of dirt and grass as it fluffs into the air, thickening into my nose only fuels that wish.

That itch from mosquitos is a welcoming hand shake from the dusk.

I want it to stay dusk forever.

I come from
Bleeding gums
Skinny arms
And ketchup smothered chicken
From dyed blue hair
And chipped black nail polish
From
"There’s no use crying over spilt milk"
And
"You’re not the first person to fail history"
I come from
Cracked bathtubs
Cracked skulls
Crooked teeth
Oversized sweaters
Overly sweetened tea
From diabetes
Breast cancer
And depression
I come from black heads
And pimples
Frizzy hair
Half filled journals
Half empty coffee cups
Purple lipstick
Scars from dropping the oven mitt
Seared flesh on wrists
I come from
Cigarette smoke curling under summer skies
From fake fire places
Freshly baked cookies
Poetry in the form of blood cells
From mental hospital stays
From blinding headaches
That vibrate through teeth
I come from
Pentacle necklaces
And pearl bracelets
Apple perfume
New York City visits
I come from
Trees
And grass
And flowers
I come from the beach
From salty air
And sandy toes
I come from everywhere
And I’m going nowhere

As human
We hold on
We chase
We keep trying
We didn't let go
Just to found out that we were never meant to be
With the person that we want .

As human
We let go
We gave up
We stop trying
We stop chasing
For something that when it's gone for a long time ,
We actually just realize that it's actually worthy

We chase people who didn't need us in their life
And we push everyone who trying to stay in our life
We trust people who shouldn't be trust
And we lied to the people who trust us .

And the truth is all of us was just another broken pieces of life master piece .

We all sins , we all broken .

A heart made of glass
A mind made of steel
Love is a dream until you find out its real
Hugging in the winter
Dreaming in the summer
Filling my heart while melting my mind
Loving everything I am and all that I will be
Forming the shape of just you and me

And you
You don’t listen
You just wait for me to stop talking
And I keep on giving
And you keep on taking
And it’s draining
I hate you for it
But I hate me more
Because I let you take
And I keep giving
And it never ends
This thing that we’re living

Dear Mom it's me-I just wanted to say hi
I'm really sad our entire relationship was based on a goodbye.
It's okay though Mommy, I guess I have to understand
I heard you say over and over, I was just not what you had planned.

Although it really breaks my heart I never got to held by you,
To be tucked in your arms nice and snug, just to know you love me too.
I didn’t even get the chance to see you smile, or for you to meet my eyes
And you'll never get to hear the way I sounded when I cried.
You never got to see my tiny fingers or my long toes
And you never got the chance to meet this crinkly wrinkle on my nose.

I wished I could have rubbed my soft little fingers across your cheek,
Or that you could’ve been there for me when I was sick, when I was weak.
But don’t worry I'm okay now mommy, its like I'm all brand new.
I just wanted to remind you of how much I love you.

Hey Mom it’s me- I just wanted to check in.
I know I never grew enough to have any skin
But just to let you know, I have a soul and heart,
And I really wish you hadn’t chosen for us to be apart.

Six years have gone by now, time has gone by pretty fast
But I hope the memory you have of me in your heart will forever last.
I see that I have brand-new little brother, you chose to call him Lee
And it made me wonder Mommy, what would you have named me?
Tell my little brother that I love and him and that I wish I could give him a kiss
And that I'm sorry growing up together is something we will have to miss.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you that my favorite color is red,
And I have exactly 3 freckles I counted on my forehead.
My favorite thing to do is play dress up and run around,
Also, I always like to pick flowers, you have a big collection from what I've found.

I think you would have thought I was the world's greatest dancer
Oh and I have one best friend, when she was two she was diagnosed with cancer.
So last year she moved up here to permanently stay
I hope you'll be able to meet us both one day.
That’s all I wanted, just to tell you about me,
If we were together you would have loved me, I guarantee.

Goodbye for now mommy, tell Lee I said bye too.
And don’t forget, I will always love you.

He says
My sister’s beauty
Doesn’t matter anymore
After the accident.
That I’m the
Pretty one now.
He says
Don’t move.
I like looking at you now.
The next time he chokes
From eating too fast
I won’t move.

i understand struggle
and i understand recovery is hard
but what i didn't understand
is why
you didn't recover
until you had to
until you were f o r c e d
and she is such
a beautiful reason
for you to be alive
but ****
did you not see what you did
your tainted lies
clouding my view on everything
and now i am changed
as a result of poverty
second hand addiction
and narcotics

you got high once;
when i was out of town.
i forgive you love.

i know you're sorry,
it's a struggle
of course.
i forgive you love.

dry your eyes
and remember i don't have it in me
to leave your side
i forgive you love.

mistakes are a part of life
you're the sweetest boy
that holds me when i cry
i forgive you love.