I want to tell you that I love you
but it feels almost insulting to us,
as we have discovered a feeling
that is new and uncharted;
something that far surpasses
the conventional and widely known
concept and notion of just “love.”
We have created a new word,
a new feeling, a new experience,
a new connection,
a new world that’s all our own.

The word love;
it just doesn’t do this justice,
as when I first met you I realized
the reason the sun rises and sets.
It rises to compete with your beauty,
your natural radiance, your light
and your warmth.
When it sets, it gives up;
desperately craving rest as it
spent many hours trying to outshine you, which nothing in this world could ever hope to do.
At very best it could try to match your breathtaking sight,
but still it sets every single day, because it could never even come close to your effortless luminescence.
My darling, you have exhausted the sun,
a basic necessity for all life to grow,
and the centre of our known universe.
But to me, you are what causes growth, you sustain all life,
and you have me spinning in circles
in your gravitational pull;
twenty-four seven, three sixty-five.

It sounds cliche,
but the moment I saw you everything both stopped and started.
My heart stopped,
my breath stopped,
even time stopped.
But my soul was birthed,
my mind was resurrected
and then, my heart was revived.
Within a split second I felt everything; all at once.
Everything in this world suddenly made sense,
I found the puzzle piece to the incomplete picture I had decided to settle with,
I discovered an ***** I never knew existed, but now that ***** is so vital, I could never live without it.
I became a new person that day:
I was finally made complete.
I never knew what happiness was,
but that day I basked in.
I inhaled as much as I could,
even if it would drown me,
because I was absolutely terrified
and paralyzed with the fear
that I would never know that feeling again.

You’re my first thought when I awake,
picking up where I left off the night before,
and you sneak your way into my head all throughout the day.
No matter how close you are to me,
you will always be too far.
It’s frustrating to have two hearts and two souls so intertwined and locked,
that the barrier of our bodies almost feel like a nuisance
as they create a thin wall separating them from meeting
and melting together as they should.

If I could list off my biggest accomplishment,
it would be any time I was the provider of your smile.
If I could list off my favourite hobby,
it would be the times I make you laugh.
If I could do one thing
and only one thing for the entirety of my life,
it would be to look into your eyes
and listen to your sweet voice;
it always leaves me so intoxicated.
And if I was given the choice;
see you hurt or be gun down with a barrage of bullets;
I would tell the firing squad to start loading their guns.
I would die for you; without hesitation.
But the more impressive thing,
I think, is that I live for you,
even though it hurts so badly some days.
Pain goes hand in hand with love,
but it is also tantamount to it.

So you see, I want to tell you that I love you,
every single second of every single day for the rest of my life,
but the words are just words,
and no words, no matter how descriptive or beautiful or powerful,
could ever fully articulate what I feel.
Just know that I am yours,
even when you doubt that I am.

it use to be me rattling those closed doors
the fear of losing you, the suffering through
of everything; drowning me until there was nothing
more than a shell of who I use to be left

now it's you with a stone in your chest
that quickness of breath, when you think about me
gone; walking away and leaving you behind
nothing more than a shell of the boy you use to be

It’s 5:44am
and I’m afraid
of not being enough for you.
I’m afraid of not being enough
to caught up your attention
to cultivate your feelings.
I’m afraid to turn into
someone in your life
that was just another friend
with feelings for you.
I’m afraid that
you’ll never look at me
like i look at you.
Cause when we’re together
touching each others faces late at night
I feel safe.
But when i wake up in the morning
and you’re on the other side of the bed
I’m just afraid.

The first time I loved and lost
The wound bled so much I cauterized my own heart
Blended pain with pain and hoped maybe I would turn numb to it all
First loves always hurt the worst

The second time I loved and lost
The ridges of my scars scared me
Id run my fingers along their gruesome edges and realized that I would never be beautiful and unblemished again
Second loves leave the worst scars

The third time I loved and lost
I went to war
Hid those scars beneath armor, pierced my blade into my lover’s chest
Retreated into the dark abyss and told myself  that this was growth - I survived.
Third loves leave carnage behind

The fourth and final time I loved and lost
He handed me a flower from the garden
Ran his hands through my unruly curls
And called those ugly scars of mine art
In this story, I lost to a man who loved me first

My armor sat collecting dust for years, and even if it wasn’t my happily ever after, I learned to plant peace instead of war

Fourth loves leave only flowers

When everything is said and done
I will collect the pieces of yourself you left behind on our living room floor
I will place them in a box and I will put them on my shelf
for a time-
They will cry for you to come back and claim them again
Like me-
they will tell themselves
You would never decide you could live without them
But eventually-
they will grow dust
and become tired of longing for someone
who will never come back
And so will I

- We are more than the love they did not give