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They wonder why the flowers in your garden are losing their glow
But they'll never know that all of my butterflies drank your sweet nectar and later died from its poison
My butterflies wanted to love your petals and watch your garden grow
But your beautiful flowers were rotten at their roots
They were never meant to give nor receive love
I was staring at my footsteps today
And I remembered how small my feet are
Maybe that's why you didn't stick around
Because his imprint was bigger than mine

I told myself I was being silly
I walked the other way

Then I thought of how you always dreamed of being covered in tattoos
And I thought of all the conclusions I had drawn for you
It made no sense to me why you'd leave
For he hadn't drawn one blueprint for your tattoos

I stepped toward where I stood before

You hadn't been around for months
You hadn't seen my latest paintings
Or tasted the Indian stir fry noodles I slaved over---

I took another step

You hadn't seen how my hair had grown
Before I trimmed my ends---

I took another step

You didn't know how in love I was
or what my plans were for the next week---

I took another step

That I plan to go out of the country this summer---

I took another step

I found myself at your door

I remember how twisted I felt knocking with ****** knuckles on your door
Trying to talk to you but
You don't call me anymore

I walked away from your door
I was never satisfied with being the observer
or the healer
I wanted to be healed
I wanted to be fun to watch like the many people I observed and loved at a distance
I had a habit of seeing things from one set of eyes only
I tried on different masks
I felt lonely
I felt numb
There was nothing to me
except speculation
But I pushed this away
It only came in between helping others
I used to think I lost myself in guiding others
But I had never found myself in the first place

Reflective states would come in waves
But I had forgotten how to swim
The day I fell into the sea

It may have been a river
But I couldn’t tell
Because I was just a pebble

— The End —