I've tried to hold on
I've tried to stay strong
I've tried to be the best i could be

But no one cared
No one wondered
No one tried to help me

I've searched for the light
But all i found was darkness
I'm broken and scattered
My hollow heart is heartless

With this said i can't take this
I've found the only way to end it
I'm holding this knife with my left hand
Ending it tonight with my right wrist

I'm sorry I wasn't better
But it's not like my life really matter

Falling*

                          That’s the sensation.

                                                     ­             You don’t feel the *pain
                                                          ­                            or hear a slowing heartbeat.

You see
lights,
pretty
little
fairy
lights.

You start to


remember


all of the

things
you
lost.
The
places
­ you
hid
and
how
to


escape.


You
want
it
to
just
                                                          ­ end.
Maybe
you’ll
finally
find
what
was
always
missing.
Maybe
you
won’t.
Maybe
you
will.
You
may
never
ever
know.




You have formed
a suicide pact
                                                            ­                          *for one.

He's cold.
Not in the physical sense, but emotional.
He doesn't talk much,
And he pushes others away.
He drinks to cover his emotions.
He never likes to show who he is.

Maybe he's afraid of opening up,
And making himself vulnerable.
Why light yourself on fire to make someone else warm

Take me where the sun glimmers off the beautiful blue sea.
Where the kids splash and the adolescents surf.
Where the kids prance while the hula dancers dance.
Take me to the place where everyone goes.
The beautiful get away.

I've only been there in my dreams.
It's as magical as everyone said it to be.
Long board walk beaches that seem to go to the end of the earth.
Villages built in the 1800's filled with kids that know nothing but happiness.
I aspire to be one of those kids.

Take me there so I don't have to feel like I'm drowning when I'm not even in water.
Take me because I've come bored of this place I call home.
The people who I call friends have come annoyed with me
And I'm unhappy with the ones I call family.
So take me away where I can start a new life.
I'm done here.

everybody said time will heal but 9 months have gone by and
i still slit my wrists at 1 am because i need something to numb the pain of my heart.
i lay awake in bed at 3 am because I lost the best thing that's ever happened to me and i will never be good enough to get him back.
i don't wake up when I'm supposed to because being asleep is better than being awake.
i don't eat anymore because my stomach is tied in a knot and there's constantly a lump in the back of my throat.
i don't smile anymore because how could anyone when they are in this much pain.
i am broken and i don't know how to put the pieces back together, or if I will ever be able to.