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m X c Feb 2019
If suicide is not a sin.
I might not be writing this now.
m X c Mar 2020
m X c Mar 2020
m X c Apr 2020
They said :
You are loved.

yes I am,
but sorry I don't feel it
even to myself.
m X c Mar 2018
I'm laughing
I'm smiling
but no one knows
I'm dying inside
just to hide this
I can't hold it
and tears start to fall
and still trying to deny it
I'm fine
I'm okay
Don't worry
I'll be okay.

#fake #7246 #pain
m X c Sep 2020
I'm almost there
I don't know how
why, what I'm still going
I'm almost there
I'm not running
I'm not walking
But I'm still moving
and it's turning blur
all around feels painless
it's getting cold
I'm awake
and I'm drowning.
I'm almost there
don't cry
smile, please be happy
coz I'm almost there
and I'm Happy.
m X c Apr 2018
I am not ANGEL.
just hiding my DARK SOUL.
m X c Mar 2018
nothing was right
nothing was wrong
you lied yet its for good
you tell the truth but still you're bad
you'll be quiet-you don't care
you'll talk- cared everything
hey! what's wrong?
nothing, everything is right.
be black&white.
and nothing will be black
and everything will be white.
m X c Mar 2019
and if today is my last
i am still thankful,
and if today is my last
I will be free,
and if today is last
the pain will finally fade,
and if today is my last,
and if it's my last
please help the others, who have like mine.
I've fight for a long time, and until the last minute I try harder,
and I will try harder.
i will fight as long as i can
m X c Mar 2018
I never think about leaving,
I never think about the risk,
I never think about you have her,
I never think about we will never be,
I never think about it will be hard,
I never think about you may forget,
I never think about you will regret,
I never think about we maybe strangers after,
I never think about i will be alone,
I never think about continuing this may cause our friendship ends,
I never think about you will never be mine,
And I never think about me,
Me being in pain whenever i am with you.
'Coz i am HAPPY,
Happy even if I know sooner or later those thoughts that I never think it will happen.
But even if it happens, I will never leave you.
One sided, will always cause pain but thats what makes you happy in a world full of NEVER BE MINE.
m X c Aug 2018
I am like one of your beautiful plants,
that you are taking care of every day ,
watering just to make sure it will not die,
cutting the dried leaf that's ugly to see,
talking even if its not responding.
you're watching it growing , and excited to bloom,
and suddenly it totally die,
and never give up, you do the cuttings procedure ,
never get tired to replant ,
it's because this is your happiness,
until it grows , some leaf are dried , but you're still there waiting ,
you almost give up , and one early morning unexpectedly the best felling and the most awaited moment had come ,
the morning that sun didn't shine , the rain never stop , but you we're there to see how beautiful i am,
i am bloom according to how you want me to bloom.
she's the gardener and i am her one of her beautiful plant.
m X c Dec 2020
It will always be there.
Everyone can see it
But I guess
You are blind
To not see it.
m X c Jun 2019
Someone also feel the same.
m X c Apr 2020
Can I say I'm T I R E D?
Can I say I'm F E D  U P?
Can I say I'm T O T A L L Y  D O N E?
Can I just D I E ?

Please I'm Breathing.
but I DIED long time ago.
m X c Jan 2020
Almost a year ago.
“If suicide is not a sin,
I might not be writing this now.”

“I want to rest now, I don’t think I can still fight.
I’m giving up now. But I’m scared. Can I have a hug?. Before I go to rest”
Please don’t be weak like me, you’re fighter but not me.
m X c Nov 2019
Allow me to see you while you're here
In every moment that we are together
Please, just hold my hand.

Allow me to play with your hair
And just sleep to my shoulder
As long as we are still together.

Allow me to touch your face/nose
To feel every moment that you're still here
Even I will miss you for sure.

Allow me to look at your beautiful brown eyes
Even I know I'm just your temporary pretty little girl
In this lost paradise.

Kiss me deeper as you wanted
It makes me fall for you more and more
Even I knew it's just temporary.

Just be honest for whatever I ask,
Even I know it will hurt me so much,
Atleast I know the truth.

And let our fate play with us for awhile
For those laughter are real, for those kisses are passionate
and it's a memories that for keep forever.

Limited time that we have spend together
my love for you is genuine
Til we meet again, My Love <3.
m X c Oct 2020
but I'm trying to disappear
I'm breathing blades
I'm bleeding
No one's looking
I'm screaming
No one's listening
I'm trying to disappear
and I'm in pain
My Bad
I'm invisible.
I'm not trying to hide
It is just hard to show
when you know
they are blind
they are blind when I showed.
m X c Feb 2020
I know myself that I should ignore
I know myself that it’s gonna be temporary
I know myself that I’m taking the risk
I know myself that there’s no u turn
I know myself that I was genuinely happy
I know myself that it was real feelings
I know myself that I will love deeper than I know
I know myself that It’s gonna be painful
I know myself that It was real feelings
I know myself that I was genuinely happy
I know myself that there’s no u turn
I know myself that I took the risk
I know myself that it is temporary
I know myself that I should’ve ignored it
It’s not regret, it’s pain.
It’s painful that I know I’m gonna end up miserable.
m X c Jul 2018
life keeps challenging me
with the same situation,
either stay or let go.
time passes by,
and needed to rush,
most of the rush decisions fail.
but somethings worth it.
wake up early with tears falling,
thanks G. for giving me challenges.
Life give you hard options
but choose one to get another one next,
that's how life thought me,
maybe you need one for now, but look what is next in line,
you can see the other one that you really wanted.
Life never gets easy at first.
hardest decision in my life so far. :)
m X c Jun 2019
Knowing ME
Knowing what's in the DARK.
m X c Jan 2020
My fault that I was careless
To let someone hold my hand
And he will let go sooner as I know.

My fault that I was so open
To let someone come into my life
And He will walk out sooner as I know.

My fault that I softly get attached
To him as soon as I met him
And knowing that he will not be there always

My fault that I was so sad
Until I met him, and made him as my happiness
As he told me, I can be without him

My fault that I fall for him
And knowing that we have different world
And knowing that he’s not sure of me

My fault for being sad, being selfish, being ME.
And my fault for forgetting how happy I am before letting him come into my life.

My fault for loving someone
And not knowing that I am not yet fully loved
By myself.

And now I knew I lost myself before and even worst I lost my soul too.
Be fully healed and fully love yourself.
m X c Sep 2018
nights that no one hears your scream,
only pillows that carries your falling tears,
only blanket that hugs you.
that you wish it's someone else.
depression is not just a joke
m X c Mar 2020
1 day everything about me
will be erased.
and you will only have the last
moment that I smile
That captured by your naked eyes.
m X c Mar 2018
panaginip ang gumising sakin
sa umagang kay ganda ng sikat ng araw
ngunit pag mulat ng mata luha ang bigla nalang tumulo
panaginip na sakit ang dulot
panaginip na sa takdang panahon
ay alam kong mangyayare
panaginip ang gumising sakin
na sa katotohang hindi tayo
para sa isa't isa
panaginip na hindi ako ang bida
kundi kayong dalawa
sakit na dulot na parang
ayaw ko ng makita sa hinaharap
panaginip kung saan hindi ko mapigilang humagolgol sa sakit at kung saan ikaw mahal ay nagpo-propose
na sakanya at ako naman
ay pusong durog na durog na
ngunit nasa likod mo ito parin akong nakasuporta
itong panaginip na bang ito
ang gigising sakin sa katotohan.
masakit, nakakapanghina.
pero yon ang TOTOO.
pero mahal mamahalin parin kita
kahit siya ang bida sa panaginip ko.
panaginip na hindi ko alam kung masama ba o maganda.
i love him but he will never be mine.
m X c May 2019
gabing hindi mapakali,
gustong humagolgol, ngunit walang luhang pumapatak,
sikip ng dibdib ay hindi maintindihan,
ilang kilometro na ang takbo ng isip,
ngunit ikaw lamang ang iniisip,
Papalayain na ba ang sarili?
o hahayaan nalang na magkusang mawala,
dahil nagmimistulang bangkay na at hindi na maramdaman ang muling umibig.
ang makita kang masaya na, ay akin ding kasiyahan,
mga katanungan ko'y hangang tanong nalang.
sinusubukang ngumiti tumawa ngunit, aking lamang pinaglalaruan ang aking sarili, dahil sa halip tuwa at saya ang aking maramdaman ay parang normal lang.
sa nakaraan nating ako lang ang nakakalam, na parang ako lang ang nakakaalala.
ito na nakakaramdam na pala ako ulit.
SAKIT pala ang aking nararamdaman, na ako'y napag iwanan na, na ako nalang ang nabubuhay sating nakaraan. TAKOT, na ako'y tuluyan mo na palang nakalimutan, TUWA na ikaw ay masayang masaya na, ngunit sana ang mga tanong gustong itanong saiyo, matuldukan na, pangamba ko lang ay hindi nanaman ito sagutin. pangamba ko din ay baka hindi mo na ako ituring na kahit parang kapatid lang, yon ay aking tanging hiling.
ngayon ay siguro panahon na para,
Palayain na aking SARILI,
ngayon luha na ngay bumuhos sa umagang gansa ng sikat ng araw,
at ngayon sa huling pagkakataon ipapadama sayo,
K. ikaw lang, mahal kita, minahal kita, at kung baliktarin man ang mundo at kung saan pwede na ang TAYO, K. mamahalain parin kita.
mahirap man sakin ngunit siguro ngay ito rin ang iyong inaantay ang,
Palayain na aking SARILI.
there's always someone who will never be YOURS, iloveyou more than anyone knows.
thanks, and i will always be your MACy.
m X c Feb 2020
You feel your blanket hugging you so comfy
Blanket feel your tardiness and pain
You feel your pillow like resting in the cloud
Pillow feel your tears and restless playful mind and heavy heart.
Pillow x Blanket
Knows your secrets
Knows your anger
Knows your weakness
Knows your fears
Knows your pain
Knows your dream
Knows your happiness.
Happy little space.
m X c Sep 2020
you cannot scape
in this world that
called MIND.
m X c Jun 2019
I stopped
I feel hopeless
I feel emptiness
I feel like its the end
Yeah I stopped
But Because
I wanna take away everything,
every thoughts, every pain, every tears that kept
I am tired of everything and for everyone,
I want to rest...
that's the point.
I want rest.
Stand & Fight again.
it's okay not to be okay. just rest and after fight
m X c Apr 2018
when i see you smile
i smiled secretly
when i hear laugh
my heart beats fast
when you stared
i couldn't look back
my heart is trembling
i am happy
that i finally seeing you
coz' the first time i saw you
you never smile
SMILE :) is not a crime dude.
just smile everyday, and that makes my everyday
you give smile sometimes to everyone and that smile catches my heart :)
mr. bn :)
m X c Mar 2018
i don't know when it starts
i was just walking alone
and stop in the middle of the field
standing and watching you
asking what should i do
you are just far
i sat on the ground
i feel something good and happy
i don't even feel the pain
the reason why i am walking alone
and just thought that somehow
there will always be a feeling
a feeling that it keeps you safe
noone will hurt
that makes me feel to love you
love you every single day
even if you are the ending of the day
but everyday you always give a positive thought
that you are the prove that theres always be a beautiful ending.

#sunset #love #you #cannotbe #pain #positive
m X c Apr 2018
pero gwapo.
pero matalino.
kasi di sanay makihalubilo.
pero may respeto
pero pag ngumiti,
dun mo masasabing "ay di pala SUPLADO :)"
(smiled secretly:)
kulitin mo lang tatawa din yan :)
m X c Oct 2019
madaming tanong ngunit hindi maibigkas
maibigkas ng bibig dahil natatakot
na baka bukas wala ka na.
nananahimik ngunit may sinisigaw sa isip
Bakit? lagi nalang ba?
kailan mo pakakawalan?
hanggang kailan?
naka ngiti ngunit mag ingat ka
sigurado ka ba?
sigurado ka bang masaya ka?
bakit? ayaw mo ipakita na minsan
mahina ka
natatakot, natatakot ka na BAKA
walang makikinig sayo,
bakit nga ba? bakit?
dahil ba sa tingin mo nagdadrama ka lang.
Ngiting hindi mahahalata ang mga tandang patanong
ay tumatakbo sa isipan
mga maskara nakaipon sa pinto nag aabang
na pag ika'y lalabas at ito'y isusuot
hanggang kailan mo panghahawakang malakas ka
ngunit pag mag isa ka'y mahina ka na
hagulgol na parang bata ngunit patago
dahil ayaw magpahele
paano nga ba?
paano nga ba matitigil ang pagtakbo
ng mga tandang patanong sa isip na minsan
gusto ng isigaw
isa lang ang alam ko
mga tandang patanong
natatakot lang ipaalam
okay na, tama na,
hahayaan nalang
kimkimin ang mga tandang patanong.
m X c Apr 2018
Tear falls they can see it
Tear falls speaks everything
Tear falls like a rain it seems
Tear falls no one  understand it
Better if you die they will understand everything that they have seen why TEARS like a rain.
Life never gets easy in a world full of darkness.
m X c Nov 2019
And I am a poem
Written in a black paper
With ink less pen
But no one try to read it.

But if anyone try to feel it, no need to read it.
And I don't want anybody to feel whatever i feel.
m X c Aug 2019
how to let go?
m X c Mar 2020
Soon I will be gone and that moment I found the place where I really belong.
m X c Oct 2020
I’m tired of almost
Be my sure thing I ever have.
m X c Nov 2020
One wrong move
And you will die.

-my inner soul.
m X c May 2020
I need you
I can’t breathe without you

“When you make him your world”


— The End —