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M Sep 2020
the real virus is ignorance
and you choose not to wear your mask
infecting those around you with selfishness and cocky insecurities

the rising stench of death
is the aroma of entitlement
and lack of respect for humanity
that you parade around like a tattoo

the weak signing their own death sentences
being forced to prepare goodbyes
without the chance
to have a say

you aren't god karen
i am just done with it all if you can't tell
Aug 2020 · 156
is poetry dying?
M Aug 2020
its no longer a trend
i see us scrapping for words and bleeding our feelings onto paper
while the rest of them hide and dismiss the thought of expressing  emotions

what is a poem, if it is no longer read?

what are we, if we are the only ones listening?

is it cooler to pretend and make fun of your passion like the new
generations are doing?

i don't know where i am going with this
there is a strange feeling around it lately, do you notice it too?
M Aug 2020
i never really fought the labels and stereotypes i was given growing up. never denied rumors or shown myself to the people around me who i really was. and those rumors were actually awful thinking on it now. some people really grew up having those thoughts about me and have gone on for years thinking i was this person they heard about. isn't that strange to think about? someone out there knew you casually for years in school or work or in the neighborhood and you will never fully know how they saw you. its taken me almost 4 years to realize i didn't have to be afraid. nobody would ever stand up for me the way that i could've stood up for myself. although i know now i will forever stand alone for being different around these parts-at least i am left standing being who i really am.
i suppose the positive notes on my darker sides--or late night thoughts having anxiety about the future and past? i don't know you tell me.
song i have on repeat lately: Wild Horses by The Sundays
Aug 2020 · 128
late to the party
M Aug 2020
i did make the choice, to not go down that road.
do you know how it feels to constantly procrastinate your feelings?
i put them in the back seat and kept driving.
ignoring the warnings lighting up in the corners of my eyes as i pass them.
am i waiting for something?
i know i am.
no-avoiding.
i don't think anyone is waiting for me.
but then again it is my fault
that
i am always late.
i turn 21 this year.
will i have my first drink before my first kiss?
probably.
Jul 2020 · 158
i have a lot to say
M Jul 2020
but i'm not sure
how i come across

i latch onto my thoughts and feelings
but my words are still
at a loss

if the world does spin
the time is ours
and the night has just begun

but if the sky does die
and our light is lost
i will still be biting my tongue
speaking my feelings, is the bitter truth that lies inside my grin
but keeping quiet burns my soul, and waters me down in sin
Jul 2020 · 265
graveyard for my feelings
M Jul 2020
i write it all here
for myself to read
so i can try to leave it behind

but without a doubt
they roam these grounds
and haunt me
after i've moved on
Jun 2020 · 167
i suppose its a curse
M Jun 2020
rain is on the ground
you were in my reach
i should've turned and told you
instead i fell into the-
-oh i fell into the
loneliness
and then you left
question: why do we pull away and never really say our real feelings?
May 2020 · 123
ghost
M May 2020
Sometimes I say things
and nobody listens
   So I swallow the words that are stuck in between my teeth
while the echo of my expectations are left ringing in my ears

   Sometimes I am here
but nobody sees me
   So I sink into the walls as the shadow surrounding the room
while my eyes close and I view myself as a nail in chipped wallpaper

They walk away from me without realizing it. Going somewhere that I cannot go.

Do you want to walk away from yourself too?

   Feeling like I am the message between the lines that nobody can read, I sleep fall asleep under the covers.
Apr 2020 · 110
Contain
M Apr 2020
Can you banish me to the shadows
and shower me with my collected tears.

Cleanse the sin of always longing for more
and slaughter the remaining feelings that I have swimming around in my hollowed being.

Coughing up the words I swallowed down deep
I beg to be left alone
in regret and unfiltered sorrow.

Catching the scent of a decaying rose
resting in the cage that lives in the center of my sleepless body.

Call it out, and I will take your pain into my own.
I will do it for the sake of your horned soul
so I can revive something in mine

Conning my way through
my final days
leaving behind
your happiness.
Feb 2020 · 96
vague
M Feb 2020
i paint my nails like the sky changes seasons
in the same light and dark ways
but just for all different reasons

my boredom is wilting my heart like a flower
how lonesome and pitiful
i decay by the hour

i have no more feelings
  like a whisper-less hum
a melody out of tune
a song become numb

if i could find the reason why
i wouldn't be down on all fours
searching on blindly
closing all the wrong doors

im noticing that it is hard
to just be free
when i settle on being something
other than me

the way that i am
people treat like the plague
so i've settled my case
and become somewhat
vague
Jul 2019 · 116
liars' tongue
M Jul 2019
I never thought  
   that I would kiss
      the trees to feel the air.
I've been drowning
   choking on the hope
      that you have and really do
        care.
You tied the knot
     a little too tight
        and I'm latching on
          the truth.
You've left me
    with a bleeding mouth
       'now turning into a
           sweet tooth.
Jul 2019 · 878
blinded love
M Jul 2019
you could get me drunk with just the words that you say,
but
I can taste your lies, sizzling on my tongue.

the scent of your being fills my internal decay,
but
the raw fumes, infect my lung.

I cannot stomach the beauty that I snack on,
and
the look you have is a craving worth feeding,
but
I see you as the sky when the light's touch is all gone
while
my eyes are eternally
bleeding.
my eyes are heavy
my heart's even worse
Jun 2019 · 156
see me
M Jun 2019
How must I seem
to the naked eye?
If you turn away am I your shadow?

I'M

always clinging from behind
restless and sinister
with motives to
only
hold your
hand

BUT

here I am just mimicking
what you have
who you are
bleeding darkness
onto the
sidewalk

WITHOUT

mirrors telling me who I am
reflecting only how I feel
about
and towards
you
Jun 2019 · 21.0k
it hurts me to write
M Jun 2019
I never know what say  

a memory of longing
is painful as it keeps

decaying in my chest

putting my love on paper
doesn't take it away
it amplifies the sting
trying to move on

infecting the open cavity of my being

you read my words like you understand
but I'm lost in a memory of what would have been

trying to collect shattered pieces of my own self

emptied and dancing whisked into the shadows
like the end of a dream

feverishly waking up because my feelings weren't received

give them but don't get them
like as if I sent a letter of longing

never in return
I try to write but the words are my tears
drink up
and only then you will feel the same
as I do
Jun 2019 · 133
Waves
M Jun 2019
I'm trying to find a reason
a reason to make me stay.
I'm lost and anchored to a hope
that I will find my way.
The shadows swallowed me as a whole
and I am truly beat.
I cannot -will not sing my song
until the grounds beneath my feet.
M Mar 2018
Damning myself to grow purposefully alone?
Fumes of death surround my love, and tear apart my home.
Are you between the leaves and evergreens amidst the midnight moon?
I stare into the grey toned sky, my dear, has left too soon.
Find me now beneath the hour, with the ever rising sun.
I mustn't regret the choice at hand, the deed, it has been done.
Mar 2018 · 2.2k
Brown Eyes
M Mar 2018
Nobody ever talks' about your eyes.
Like how they swirl with hidden ember, and fallen leaves. And how they have the depth and mystery of a dark abyss. Pulling you in, really making you take a deeper look.
Nobody ever talks' about how they flicker with smoke, and fire each time the light shines 'just right' on them. And how they seem to have the whole world entangled into an innocent ring of rope. Like a warm round cup of coffee, bittersweet. Addictive.
Nobody ever talks' about how they make you feel ever-more engaged, like you could be looking into a whole universe, a whole soul. Pulling you in, making you dream of dim lit fires and smokey silhouettes sprawled against a midnight moon.
I get lost in your eyes. I feel found in your eyes. And I crave your eyes.
But nobody ever talks' about your eyes.
Mar 2018 · 466
I found someone new
M Mar 2018
It doesn't hurt me anymore, how it did when I loved you.
The echo of bitter regret, no longer creates stories in my dreams.
I no longer get nervous when I think of your playful smile.
I can't even remember the feeling of excitement I got when you entered the room.
The willingness to admire all of your jokes, disappeared along with the sink hole that I felt in my stomach with every laugh.
I can't imagine ever even having the thought cross my mind that you were ever going to love me back, but I guess it is my fault for never telling you how I felt.
But it doesn't matter.
It doesn't hurt anymore.
Love isn't right if it hurts.
Feb 2018 · 624
Cupid (a dark love spell)
M Feb 2018
Verse 1
Sneak peak at your future-is it warm and bright?
A flash foward that is only for tonight.
Ring a bell for every single sinner-
prepare the gold for our number one winner-
I see you're starved like a wolf without his dinner-
I'll pull out the guide "Assasins for Beginners"
Do you wanna know-Do you want to know
Is it yes or no-is it yes or no
Pull back every arrow
And shoot it through your bow.

Verse 2
I sip every ounce of the satin night.
Like a veil of memory washing out my sight.
Raise a heart for every single loser-
Burn a witch says ever accusor-
I sleep walk all the nights that I am dreamin-
I've got a little secret: my lover is a demon.
Do you wanna know-do you wanna know
Is it yes or no-is it yes or no
Pull back every arrow and shoot it through your bow.

Verse 3
Raise your glass-to the moonlight.
As if your last-no wrong or right.
Is it worth your story to have it all?
No more bruising glory, no more room to fall...
A dark love spell.
A play on Cupid being evil and actually a monster, a reflection on my own experience.
Edit* has since been written into a song
Feb 2018 · 284
Confuse me
M Feb 2018
It wasn't easy
  saying goodbye
to what I thought
was a good reason
to hide away from
what was really
nothing but
love.
Back and forth back and forth
Is it really love
It isn't love
It must have been love
Nov 2017 · 211
Cravings
M Nov 2017
You lick your lips like as if the whole world was watching you.
But you still make the time to make sure I see your tongue slip on the corners of your open mouth.
You scan the sunset-stained room with your smoked dark, tired eyes.
But you still take the time to gaze directly into my glazed eyes.
So intensely that I feel my heart try to jump out of my smitten body, and find its way to yours.
You say your words, as if you were talking to yourself...so vulnerably.
But you still take the time to voluntarily say it to me.
With every sound that falls from your pale-painted lips, hums and echoes through my body. Creating symphonic sounds, soothing my every inch.
You are the person everyone wishes they could find.
But somehow managed to hide with me.
Soulmates don't find you, unless you take the time to look back
M Nov 2017
I find you in the hours,
that I grasp and try to keep.
You play within my many dreams, amongst me in my sleep.
You teach me it is okay to live, which ever way it be.
As how I am or how I want,
worth  more than what they see. I'll follow you with open arms until I meet my grave.
Each emotion in each note I wrote, in a road that only I must pave. You teach me lessons I must live even when I want to cry,
but you make me able to move on with every tearful eye.
But even after my songs been sung and the night takes back the day, our memory and its bad and good: forever it will play.
I give my life to you, as it is always in your hands.
Nov 2017 · 633
I want to say
M Nov 2017
Its been a while, since I french kissed the sun.
Let my tongue be the trigger, and your warmth be the gun.
Melt me down to the bone, praise my deepest scars.
Save each strange emotion, in my many shaded jars.
Paint my softened skin, and I'll paint yours too.
And I'll whisper outloud,
that
I've always loved you.
I may never say-but in the back of my mind, I have always wanted to.
M Mar 2016
I quietly awaken from a metallic misty slumber.
My head pounding, I roll over. Expecting to feel the scratchy bed sheets I had fallen asleep on, I feel a sudden fear, because I am falling.
Falling into a strange darkness. Deep black hues sitting around me as I plunge down.
I look and seem scared, but I secretly feel excitement pumping through my veins.
Stale, stabilized air, swims around me.
I now realize that I have been on the ground for quite a while.
No sound-No light.
I search around for answers, but while laying there
not paralyzed-but fearful to be where I am.
where am I?
An electric hum circulates throughout the lonely area.
I roll over and cry.
The world is so far away from me...have I left the world?
Cold and alone. Alone and scared.
A faint far away light shines behind me.
Revealing the area to be a total nothingness. As if I were floating in a pitch black continuous space.
I stand up and slowly turn towards the light.
My heart stops. I loose every ounce of sweet air breathing through my lungs. An electric zing stings my every nerve. My brain screams in confinement-as if it no longer can control my body.
I slowly feel my blood flow throughout my body.
My heart beat is so loud-echoing throughout this hollowed out infinite area.
I see you. A shining light. Radiating warmth and light. Reflecting electricity off of everything and nothing.
Absorbing every ounce of life. But in a joyful exciting way.
Mesmerizing. Without thought I feel a compelling feeling that it is ok to move towards you.
I glance down at my skin-which seems to be a very pale and lifeless gray. My fingernails slightly purple.
Your skin glows with sunshine and life, while mine is a piece of lonely death. Your eyes deep and alluring, while mine forever fade into oblivion.
I walk towards you. Feeling a happiness fuel up my soul. Turning my aura a warming peach.
You are alluring and intelligent.
I get close and reach out my warming pale hand.
You reach out in amusement, allowing our fingers to touch.
I get electrocuted with life. I become bright-glowing-alive.
I feel no more pain. I feel simple happiness. Excitement that only comes from exploring uncharted territory.
I feel sunshine flow through my veins.
But you look away and smile.
Distracted.
Your hand lowers away while mine is still reaching out.
I fade to a glowing hue of serene pink.
A feeling of longing rushes over me.
I look over to where your attention lays.
Another beautiful light swings this way.
You waltz off calmly with the other lovely brim of light.
Still amazed, I just watch. Crying inside-but too afraid to show it. Fading away inside- but shining on the outside.
I watch your light's float away wishfully in a pool of happiness.
While I sit and watch in a whirlpool of lonely longing.
I realize that I cannot find my way out.
You love her, but she is in love with someone else. You love him, but he is in love with someone else. Does it end? Does anyone love each other back?
Oct 2015 · 309
Don't know what this means
M Oct 2015
I dream of a world dizzy with fate
Time going slowly with no time to waste
I am falling over with music in my head
Resting wide awake with silly thoughts, pillow on my bed
So I sink into sleep and dream of a world full of space
Stars roam along with us, smiles slither down my face
Jun 2015 · 436
Zen
M Jun 2015
Zen
as asleep I lay, I woke to the sound of thunder. loud clang-bash-rumbling the walls of my lonely room. that is when I heard the sweet pitter-patter of rain drops, playing their own drums, at their own tune. I swiftly shuffled out of my bed to find something to calm my awakening hunger. hunger which had turned into sudden thirst. heating the water-then to set on the stove. small clicking and rumbling came from the stove top. I went to the window to witness a gray lonely storm. the timing of the thunder, going along with the rain-almost symphonic in a way-moving in the wind. I smell damp dirt, see gray skies.---Suddenly the *** begins to boil and a calm alarming whistle came from the spout. I ripped open a package to find a sweet smelling teabag. The lemon grass zing-mixed with the muzzled windy-rain. almost perfect. calmly I sat, waiting for the mug to cool down-too extreme to touch it now. closing my eyes I sit hearing the storm and almost smelling the world for the first time. sweet life is, in my moment of Zen. helping my thirst with a sip of Zen.
I drank the tea called zen
Jun 2015 · 350
currently.
M Jun 2015
the hail keeps hitting at my window. the small ice cold breeze finding its way through the windowpane. smelling the cold wet dirt of the outside world. seeing nothing in my dark non-lit room. hiding in here to avoid anything that reminds me of life. opening my blinds to watch the storm. seeing the small little frozen blocks-almost looking as if there were blocks of sugar falling from the grey skies. I feel lonely. I feel strange. I feel as if I was supposed to watch the storm. so I turn my head away. shut the blinds and crawl into bed. I cannot face the world. I cannot face life. im not     scared. im not   afraid.    im just alone in a hail storm.
Jun 2015 · 325
Are we all alone? Or am I?
M Jun 2015
Some days I think, we live in a world like no other.
Laughing simplicity with our father and our mother.
But I look in the sky and see nothing but blue.
Wide open space, without me, without you.
The world all industrialized, big, large, our home.
But I can't help but think, we are here all alone.
Distance between moon, between sun, between stars,
Venus and Neptune, or Jupiter or Mars.
No life, no existence, no movement, all silent.
Down here is all war, all mixed up and violent.
I envy the cosmos, the stars, and the moons,
They don't deal with enemies, not even monsoons.
I admit, sometimes I like this crazy old world,
only when my mind is sane, and not swirled.
But I cant help but look up at a star filled night sky
and think to myself: are we all alone? Or am I?

— The End —