how it is
to mean
so little

you clean your list
erase me
along with others
i'm sure

i always made sure
to mean more
in the past

now
it stunnes me
how insignificant
i must have been to you

i guess it serves a purpose
to experience that as well

but it hurts
slightly more
than i thought it would

its been more than eight years
since last you got your way
and i still swill with spite
thinking of it

just like those forest fires on the news
uncontrolled
deadly

i don't even know how to phrase it

i always cared about
making peace

but with you

we never got to be ok
you burned that last bridge down
and for once  
i couldn't allow you to
rebuilt it

how could you
shrink me into
nothingness

your trophy
used

and above all that
how can i still lay here
after all these years

listening to the
echoes
of your footsteps  
on my chest

i dress myself.
in the silent breath
between
your
words.

everything.
fits
here

everything.
i pretend  
i never was

everything.
you are prepared to
give me

reduced to
this.

i dress myself
slowly.

as if the light from your silence
reflected on my
naked skin
don't bother me.

a pull
towards you

i want
my fingers trough your hair
linger on your curls
your eyes
to linger on my curves

i want you
to long for me
bending down when you're
too long for me

your breathe
on my lips
a pull
on my hips

towards you

today.
you got married.

i recognise this
half-full
half-empty
yearning feeling

i used to get it all the time.
from your late night texts
what seems like
millions of years ago

an explosion of
emotions.
all in contrast

still
we always wished eachother
well
in the end.

today.
you got married.

now.
you are a married man.

sand
nestled in
everywhere.
tiny pieces of
pain and happiness

i know.
this is what we choose

like a tide.
do you remain
when the moon shifts

tonight
hide me.
in the corner of your
smile.

tomorrow
just won't find us here.