Lydia 2d
as your mama there are days I wake up and think to myself
"there is no way I can do this today
I'm tired
I'm anxious
I'm feeling kind of low"
but all it takes is a look into your little room
where you lay cozy and asleep
one tiny arm wrapped around a stuffed animal
snoozing with those little breaths
so soft sometimes I still go in and check to make sure you're breathing
to remind me all that I am working so hard for
YOU
and your tiny hands around my neck
that smile that melts my heart
and that little giggle that is so sweet I melt
I remember how you need me
depend on me
and
I close your door so the light doesn't get in
and I go get ready for work
For my sweet son, my reason for being everyday
Lydia 2d
I wonder what we would all do differently if today was our last day
or if this was our last week
our last year
what would we do to make the time worth while?
would I quit my job and see the places I've always dreamed of going to?
or spontaneously marry the man I love?
would I spend every waking second with my son and hold him a little tighter?
tell the people I love just how much they mean to me and tell old friends what a loss they were to my life?
its so easy to think of all the things you would do if you knew your time was up
so why don't we live that way everyday?
as if waking up isn't a gift and life is short and ever changing
we should do all the things that matter and be with the people we cherish and change the things we hate about life and start doing all those things we wish to go do
I'd like to think I'm going to try harder to live like I have no time left
I lost a friend yesterday who was so young. His life had just started. It's so unfair.
Lydia 3d
yesterday was Sunday
when I woke up I rolled over and you smiled at me and pulled me close and said
"Baby, I hate fighting with you, why do we do that?"
I replied, "I don't know. I hate it too"
and then you kissed my legs and smiled with your eyes closed
looking at you like that always makes me think how I wanna look at you like this for the rest of my life
Lydia 4d
I could cry
I'm exhausted
anxious
lonely
on edge
lately I feel like I've been walking on a mental tightrope
unbalanced and ready to slip at anytime
I keep telling myself I need more sleep
or it's just this birth control in my arm,
but I've told myself these same things since I was 14 years old
and I've slept since then
I've switched birth control since then,
I've still hurt myself since then
Lydia 7d
lately I walk in to work alone
I go to break and flop down on the bench and light up a cigarette and if I feel like talking I can
or if I don't I can just sit for ten minutes
I get to be just purely me
fresh start, new people, new opportunities
it's actually refreshing to do this on my own this time
I leave work alone
I rush out to my car like I used to in the old days
turn up the volume on the radio to all my shitty songs
roll the windows down
smoke a cigarette
and sit in silence
I've never been happier
Lydia Aug 7
hold my breath and count to five
I do this multiple times a day to keep myself from losing it
Lydia Aug 7
There are women inside of me screaming to get out
Figured it was worth posting. Sometimes I write little things and then keep them on hidden
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