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im Sorry I’m crying.


i Don’t feel that I’m dying  


i Don’t need to explain


dont Ask me to change, because im already trying

I cry in silence and in the Night because I’m afraid to Feel, and see the light

I love you or maybe not?

I’m to young to have a any sort of crysis

But down deep
I think I’ve had one all along.
Seriously I can’t handle the internal clash of feelings and thoughts
Bring it on.
   The sound, a tornado to the eyes, a lightning to the ears.

Pick it up.
   The memories of family dining, the painted pictures on drywall plaster.

Look upon it.
   It's a danger zone, a minefield, where one misstep will lead to shards of bitter voices and angry threats stabbing the sole.

Put it away.
   What can't be fixed, can be hidden, in deception, in the panic of another storm.

Forget about it.
   Another order, another smash, another plate, another heart put in the trash.
when you see a forest
what do you see

do I see the forest for the trees
or the sustenance they provide
the ecosystem
do I see a biome
or many large upright sticks

do I see the causes
the water supply, or the rich
aroma of death
of decomposition

do I see the effects
the moss facing north
the flat places where
animals rest

do I see the trees that are here
the canopies, the trunks, the roots
stretching out
do I see the trees that aren't there
that are logged or lightning'd

do I hear the forest
if my tree falls
do I make a sound

do you hear it
Heisenberg had an uncertainty principle, by which the act of observation causes a particle to occupy a time, place, and state- basically,  to have existence.

be grateful
my titles are weird but i think i need to explain this one lol. basically you know that game where its like you are getting hotter or colder. that's what this is based off of, at least the title
i am willing to listen
but i can't read your mind
tell me what you want
so i can make it right
if you bite your tongue
you're gaming for a fight
i am willing to listen
but first you need to try
to communicate
exactly what you need
to state your expectations
directly to me
i keep listening
but you fail to speak
don't you say i'm not trying
when you just keep ignoring
every sign and every attempt
so you can have "your" way
can't listen to you
when you think but you don't say
keep on pushing pushing pushing
and i will walk away
gave you my patience
you give me pain
every scenario is trouble
surrounded on both sides
not ready to defend myself
but expected to buck up and fight
You’ve come to my rescue many a time.

But not in the way you might think.

Yes, you do help me in the typical way.

Pulling me up before I sink.

But it’s all the small things you do for me.

The accidental things, that only I see.

That really mean the most to me.

Kind gestures with no intent or agenda.

It’s just who you are, my defender.

You see, the sweet things that you do and say.

They rescue me every day.
I don't want the rain to stop today. It contributes to growth. Grass, leaves, flowers all find it necessary. The rain also reminds me of the absence of matter and the soul shattering chemistry that used to exist between us.
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