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lorainne May 2019
I want to forget you.
Only if I can create a potion that will make me forget every single thing about you, I would be totally alright.
But that’s fictitious.
I am so tired of thinking, whether it’s dusk or dawn, it’s still you.
Everything’s just about the same thought, that’s why I want to forget you.

All of the things you made me feel,
all the good and the bad, I want it all erased from my head.
I want to forget all the things I have never imagined I would feel when I was with you. You made me feel so alive, and dead at the same time.
Nonetheless, of all things I want to banish from my head is the way you brush your lips against mine.

I was too good for you. You made me believe that you loved me even when you don’t. You made me feel like it and I hate it. I want to forget you. Even the dull-written poems I wrote about you, I want to tear and burn it all but what’s the point of doing that when I remember all things vividly. I was supposed to bear all the pain stoically, but I know I couldn’t make it.
With you on my mind, every day, and every night, it’s impossible to forget you like a flash of light. I was extremely prepared to have you in my life, ready to believe that you’ll be someone I’d be forever thankful; but there you are, proving otherwise.
In one snap, and it’s all gone. — unfortunately, it’s not always like that.
You invaded my skin and my senses
with a warning, and sometimes not.
For the times I let you invade me like an extra-terrestrial, how I wish there was a caution beforehand that I shouldn’t let you. But even if there was, I still would’ve done it for sure.

I was empty and I was shattered.
It wasn’t love, for sure. But if in any case it was, you helped me pick up the fragments of my soul who was once broken, and still is. You let me rewrite the feeling of being in love again, too much that all I can write about is you. One, two, and three—from the moment our time still ticks, until it stopped. I say love is when I have loved you.
You occupied my empty spaces that all it can think about is you. When you came in to my life, I surely believed that you filled my void with happiness and overflowing laughter. But it expired.

And perhaps, if I could only try to filter my thoughts, delete you out of my brain, my unfeigned adjectives would halt in no time.

In whatever way, or degree, I still chose not to forget you.
lorainne May 2019
out with the old,
in with the new.

the falling of leaves, went in sync with the falling of the heart.
falling with the orange hues of leaves,
along with the warmth of your hugs
and with the intimacy of your kisses.

as i fall, i grew foolish. like a kid who were once fooled, like a grown-up who were once scammed of something.

i loved you like a child desperate of love and receiving love. i grew up wanting only your trust and attention, but that’s not what you want. as you set up all of your lies, your “too good to be true” stories, i became foolish. you fooled me once, fooled me twice, and fooled me thrice. now all i got was lies instead of love. love was the only thing i craved for yet you crave lust.

that’s what love does. it strangles you. yet we still want it.

it’s scary how someone can manipulate you by taking advantage of your trust.
it’s scary how you can be unaware of the things you’re willing to take even if it’s losing yourself to someone.

loving you, loving every centimeter of you made me love myself less, respect myself less and it was the most sinful thing i’ve done to myself.
— i lost myself as i loved you.

i was foolish to love you even more when all you did was to lie in front of my face.

i was foolish to love you even more when all you did was to control and manipulate me like a toy you’ll get bored of and replace.

it’s scary how you continuously say you love me, when you never really do. the feeling of not being able to speak for myself was more traumatic. i became a mess, thinking that one wrong word, and it’s all done.

i loved you so much to the point i water myself with fear.

from orange, it went pitch black.
there was never a time i expected all of the negative things to come from someone i thought who loved me, cared for me, but i was wrong. but **** it. i knew it was wrong yet i still let myself go this far.

out of all lies and foolishness, i grow as a better and wise person now. as i move past from it, i felt like the world needs to know this before i can move forward with being myself. one who can express her words more in writing.

every single thing in this world happens for a reason. now i know mine. all of the pain and trauma it caused, had its own reason.

all that was left from me is my ink, and your words.
but you know what? — scratch it.

i pushed myself trying to win you back, but there was nothing to even try. how can you sleep peacefully at night, knowing the emotional pain you caused someone?
      i guess you can never answer that until you became your realest self.

as months pass by, i became frightened of you. knowing you can do all these things to me.
i can never be the greatest, newer version of myself without finding and getting back the lost parts of me from you.
lorainne Apr 2019
nag-iba na naman ang
ihip ng hangin,
lumalamig na naman,
tila ako yata’y giniginaw?
giniginaw? giniginaw sa tag-init.

palagi naman na ang pagmamahal
ay nagsisimulang nagbabaga,
mainit, sobrang init na tila ika’y pagpapawisan sa tuwing makikita siya, kinakabahan at kinikilig,
ah ganun na nga. sabi nila panandalian lang naman ‘yan.

subalit sa kasamaang palad,
palagi naman nagtatapos
na kaylamig na tila
maninigas ka sa sakit
sa lungkot at sa kaiisip

saan nga ba ako nagkamali?
saan nga ba ako nagkulang?
pero wala.
wala run ang sagot.
ginalugad na lahat,
ngunit sa’yo lang pala mahahanap ang tanging kasagutan.

sa kabila ng lahat,
hindi kita masisi,
hindi ko makuhang tuluyang magalit sa’yo dahil ako mismo
ay awang-awa sa sarili
hindi maipaliwanag
ano ba itong nararamdaman.

hindi ko masabi
hindi ko mawari,
pero dito ako ay sigurado,
lorainne Mar 2019
you had me at your words
yet i don't have you at my worst.
it's stupid of me
to fall hard
from all the lies
which i thought at first
was the truth.

you called me love,
but was it love at all
if all of it was just pure fiction?
lorainne Mar 2019
I want his silence
but not to hide the things
he is scared to say.
to be behind the scenes,
I felt your peace
at least, that's what I thought.

but what about our hearts? he said.
scared and scarred
to love and to trust again
if all you desire was something
I never wanted.
lorainne Jan 2019
putting an end
to something or
to someone may be
like a rock,
but you need to be
strong as a steel,
in order to move
fast forward.
fast, fast, and faster!
**** it!
**** it if you have to!
putting an end, killing it,
otherwise, it's still the
same thing,
typical, usual,
and it's you,

but wait!
slowly, slow, slow
slow and steady,
with a new heart,
an old new soul,
and willingness to learn,
we're getting there.
to a new piece of someone,
to a new piece of

did you **** the past? or are you killing it? you'll do it, anyway. live in the present, live in it like there's no tomorrow. and get excited about the future. have dreams with it, endless, more, and more. we're getting there, honey.
lorainne Dec 2018
naghihingalo na naman
ang pusong humihingi ng tulong,
na iligtas sa nararamdaman.

lalim ng dinaramdam,
lalim ng iniisip, at ang
lalim ng karagatan,
kung susukatin ang
pagmamahal sa iyo.
panghimakas—huling pamamaalam, mula sa aking nararamdaman. damdamin ng pagmamahal, pag-aalaga, at pagkataranta sa tuwing ika’y lalapit ay nagwakas na.
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