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Louise Jan 2022
I look in the mirror.
I love the way my starved body looks now.
I love the way the bags under my eyes look,
after I haven't slept for weeks.
I love the way my chapped lips look
because I haven't had a sip of water today.
And I love the catches on my body,
from the blade I put to my skin.
TW: Self Harm, ED
Louise Oct 2021
You're not talking to me.
Avoiding me.
But the 5 second eye contact we had
felt like everything was back to normal.
Louise Mar 2020
I wish our story didn't end there.
Our story was never a book,
just a short story.
But hopefully we can write
a book full of our short stories.
Louise Jun 2020
I told him I write poetry.
He asked me if I'll write poems about him.
And I said, yes every time you break my heart.
"Well then I'll never break your heart"
That was a promise he never kept.
Louise Jun 2020
And it turns out
the butterflies in my stomach,
the ones you gave me,
were never a good sign.
Louise Feb 2021
Choose a color,
any color,
other than blue.
So you don't choose the same color
he once did.
So you don't choose the same color
that is his favorite.
So you don't choose the same color
as the boy who once hurt me so much.


Instead, you chose red.
Louise Dec 2020
To me, you're my everything.
But sometimes
I doubt if I'm even
anything to you.
Louise Feb 2020
I now draw black lines
on my arm.
instead drawing red lines
on my arm.
just because you needed
to care about me.
Louise Jun 2020
Everything about you
Makes me go crazy.
I want to talk to you.
But I can’t.
I don’t want to be disappointed by the words you have to say.
Louise Feb 2021
I'm going in circles.
I'm not getting answers.
Can't we just get along?
Can't we just give us a chance?
Even if we just have 2 months left?
Louise Feb 2020
you love me
you love me not
you love me
you love me not
you love me
you love me not

Why is everything about you?
Louise Dec 2020
You think you know someone
until
they do everything in their power
to prove you wrong.
Louise Apr 2020
Break my heart.
Break my heart.
Just so I can feel you
trying to fix it again.
Louise Feb 2020
Even with the terrible memories of you.
I will have a great life.
I just need to learn to love myself again.
Even with the thoughts of you.
In (not) loving memory of the unlovable self.
Louise Feb 2020
“it’s going to be ok”
right?
yea of course
that’s what they always say.
it’s a lie
just like when I text you
“I’m fine”
with tears in my eyes
while my skin burns with
all the “cat scratches”
Louise Mar 2020
Love me like the world is ending.
Love me like the world won’t last.
Love me like the world is dying.
But you never did.
You never loved me.
Louise Apr 2020
Drain my feelings into the night sky,
where only the stars can hear.
Suffocate my thoughts with
the fresh midnight air.
The only light that reaches my tears
is the moonlight.
But I still only want you here
listening to everything I have to say.
Louise Oct 2021
What do you want?
Friends?
More than friends?
A lot more than friends?
I lie through my teeth;
just more than friends.
Louise Mar 2020
Take my body and undo the damage
I've done to myself.
Please let me love myself
like you once pretended to do.
Louise Oct 2020
You used to be my everything.
Now we can't even be in the same room.
You can't even look at me.
Yet all I want to do,
is stare at you.
Talk to you till the sunrises.
And never forget you.
Louise Mar 2020
The happy ending
I always deserved
but never got.
Louise Sep 2021
You’re bad for my mental health.
And that’s all I can say.
Louise Jun 2020
I remember exactly what you said time that night.
You let my scars define me.
You,
the one person I thought knew I am more,
let my scars define me.
And I was so stupid to believe you
Louise Oct 2022
Not another boy.
Not another boy with blond hair.
Not another boy with blue eyes.
Not another tall boy.
Not another boy,
you have no chance with.
Louise Feb 2020
You neglected
the flowers that once
grew so high and so beautiful to
tend the weeds
growing in our garden,
while I was alone trying
to fix the flowers we grew together.
Louise Sep 2021
Don't call me perfect while you're
still in love with her.
You called me perfect.
And then told me you loved her.
How could I be perfect if I'm not her?
The perfect not her?
Louise Apr 2020
Don't you notice?
Notice the damage you've done.
While you're not even mine.
I've given you too much power.
But I don't know to get it back.
Louise Dec 2021
I kiss your lips.
I kiss your neck.
I look in your eyes.
You wrap your arms around me.
And pull me in.
When I wake up you're gone again.
Louise Feb 2020
And with just a simple text,
You planted a smile on my face
With which I fell asleep with.

I don’t have feelings for you.
*I do though
Louise Mar 2020
Some things can't be fixed
with tape and glue.
Some things can't be fixed.
Some things will always
stay broken.
Louise Jan 2022
you're my stone house.
No matter how much I
huff and puff
you'll continue to stand there
always welcoming me in.
Louise Oct 2020
I'm slowly killing myself
trying to get to you.
With each text, I send
with each story, I hope you reply to.
But you never do.
Louise Dec 2020
The ball is in your court.
Will you hit it back?
Or
will you pick the ball up
and walk off the court?
Louise Feb 2020
Guess I never meant enough to you.
Guess you never cared enough about me.
Guess you never liked me enough.
Guess I was never enough for you.
Louise Jan 2022
And the stars started to giggle
as I told them more
about you.
They seemed happy to hear
how happy you make me.
While the moon listened
as I smiled thinking of you.
Louise Sep 2020
You know when you see them as the person they once were.
Even when they have changed so far,
that they'll never be that person again.
Yet you,
you can't get rid of the feeling of seeing the old them
in the new them,
you can't get rid of the feeling of still loving them,
even if you still only love the old them.
Louise Feb 2021
With every text, I received from you
a feeling of anxiety came with it.
I was scared.
Every time, I was so scared you would end it.
Until you did end it,
and I had never felt happier.
Louise Jan 2022
You kiss the sports
with the fresh scars.
Though you don't know about them,
you kiss them ever so gently.
Louise Oct 2020
He can't even look me in the eye.
He won't even look at me.
He sits there,
5 inches away from me.
Talking to everyone around me.
And he can't even look at me.
Like he doesn't even know me.
Like we are strangers with a history.
Louise Mar 2020
it's a blade for you
but it's habit to me.
it's a blood for you
but it's craving to me.
it's a bottle for you
but it's an addiction to me.
it's a scar for you
but it's a desire to me.

you see how we're different yet?
Louise Feb 2021
I feel hopeless thinking of you.
you just quit trying.
you just quit me.
and for what?
for what?
I don't even know.
And I hope I never will.
Louise Mar 2020
You liked that I was different,
But then you left me for the most ordinary girl.
I guess I was just too different for you.
I wish I was ordinary.
Louise Dec 2020
And once again all my happiness
relies on you.
You have all the power to break me.
And once you do it,
I hope you build me up
and do it all over.
Louise Jun 2020
I am the best at making you laugh.
You can't admit it.
The way you smile.
It's a different smile.
The way you laugh.
It's a different laugh.
But now you can't even look at me.

And all I can think about is:
If she makes you laugh like I once did?
Louise Apr 2020
Your name is like poison.
I see it, the memories come back.
I hear it, the pain comes back.
I say it the love comes back.
Your name is a curse on me.

— The End —