‪The truth is, even though I was drowning in my misery. I never wanted to get out of it.‬

‪It was all I had. ‬

When I sit and write
It’s like I’m having a fight
With myself
I think it's affecting my health

See I only write when I’m sad
Or really, really mad
Words deep from the soul
To just let things go

It’s hard to write when I’m happy
It all sounds to sappy
I live to feel down
Sometimes it's better just to drown

In sorrow in tears
That no one hears
Am i really alive
Is it better just to die

It took me years
to fall in love with myself.
It was a foreign idea
throughout my childhood.
I remember the jealousy I felt
for the girls with flawless skin,
and perfectly straight hair.
I thought they were beautiful,
and they were,
but not in the most natural way.
I wanted to be the girl
who was beautiful
after rolling out of bed at noon
without any makeup
besides the mascara
from the night before.
I wanted to be the girl
who was effortlessly beautiful
without giving it a second thought.
I always admired those girls.
I loved the security
that radiated off them,
like the shimmer of sunshine
on delicately tan skin.
It took me years
to become one of those girls.
It was a slow process.
It took the shedding
of a society built for
flawless makeup ridden
artificially created beauty.
It took acceptance
for who I am without the mask.
It took forgiveness
for the flaws I was blessed with at birth.
It took years,
but I'm finally there.
I'm one of those
naturally beautiful girls.
I'm one of those girls
that could careless about shaving,
or washing their hair.
I'm a girl without cares.
I'm a girl in love with herself.

Beautiful, big, blue round eyes
Nothing let out of my sight
I laugh and giggle and play
But it’s all lies.

Blue eyes
You look down
Cowardly
You fail me with your fading gaze
You make me need glasses
As I maneuver through the masses.

Shake the stars from my eyes
In a pleasant surprise
I’m met by big, beautiful saucers of chocolate
That seem to match mine.

Big, blue eyes
Why didn’t you see?
Why didn’t you catch it?
Now, trained on the ground,
Your tears salt the grass, as the world blurs.

Pretty blue eyes
Give me a miracle in disguise
Catch it, hold it tight
Give me something to make my heart soar.

Big blue eyes
You make me unwise
Judging by looks and feel
Nothing worse than our ordeal.

Round sparkly eyes
Why do you deceive?
There’s more to you than you reveal
Yet I can’t let anyone dive deep enough
For they would drown in the darkness beneath.

Sad eyes
Looking away as you leak
Leaving him behind
Never able to look back…
Big, beautiful eyes
You have seen much
You are the windows to my soul
But there is more to you than it seems
A juggernaut in the shadows…

Beautiful blue eyes
You fail me
You fade
You cry
You ail
*You help me fly.

I  am knocking on  doors,
open  them and hear me
shout across the U.S.A. :

I may be black as blindness
or rainbow hue,
but I am as
American,

as you.

Under the oak tree
At the bottom of the garden
My three year old child sat looking deep into the
Tangle of green fern and moss

Attracted by an image I could not see
From the kitchen window

She claps her hands and smiles
She tilts her head and talks

Points her finger into the green mass
That lights up and dances on the leaves

Her smile glowed as she turned, looked at me
and ran excitedly

I’m old
I didn’t believe!
She is too young to understand

As I sat deep in the safety of my fern home
An infant human attracted my attention
By her infectious smile
She could sense my presents
Her young mine had not been tainted, yet.
She touched me with her finger
And I showed her a glimpse of
Her wonderful life ahead
She smiled brightly and ran
To her Mother

Who is tainted!
And will not believe
She does not understand!

What about you??

Your smile is your friend

No matter how much pain you bear

A smile on your face

On the reflection of a mirror

Will strengthen you

A situation may live
for
  A  Moment
  A   Day
  An Year

But not Life Long

Fight the good fight