Three years ago today, the moment he walked through the door, it wasn't deja vu, it was a memory of a fantasy I played out in my mind hundreds of times as a little girl, as a teenager, as a woman, finally catching up in real time - a fantasy of a man I would meet someday who would be all I could ever desire in a lover, friend, and husband.
Three years ago today, the moment he walked through the door, standing 6' 14", I recognized him immediately as the nameless, faceless man I imagined for years and I finally felt alive! authentic! electric!
Three years ago today, the moment he walked through the door, I fell irrevocably in love and I never want to put myself back together again.
Regardless of our struggles, stresses, worries, and insecurities,
I love him.
I could lose everything in this world, but as long as I still have him,
I have everything.
Like a sinful seduction, I slip off the edge of sleep,
my eyes are drawn to the darkest shadows of my room... kinetically searching...
I seem to penetrate them, my mind breathes life into them,
they begin to stir and morph into the preludes to my peculiar dreams,
bizarre at first until inevitably familiar,
as if I had lived them indefinite times in the past... and infinite times in the future... remembering... becoming... unfiltered and unaffected...
my subconscious is my truth, awakened by my dreams.
I long to remain lost in this ethereal bliss.
Every day, I am convinced I couldn't be any more in love with him, but I will be...
Next week, tomorrow, even minutes from now.
I used to feel as if love was contained solely within my heart, but not with him;
With him, I am BECOMING love...
with my entire being.
He is my ambitious sunrise
He is my blazing setting sun
He is the seduction of cobalt twilight
He is temperance undone
He is my luminous moon
His celestial eyes, the only stars within my sky
He is my world
He is my love
He is my why
Do you recognize me?
I remember YOU.
No, we will not SEE each other after death;
we will BE each other after death,
as we also were before life.
You will realize that I am you and you are me;
we are everyone and everything, even now.
We are synchronous...simultaneous...endless...
We are LOVE...ALL of us.
There he is...standing in my doorway...
towering...smiling...glistening with confidence.
Is he real? Am I awake?
I have fallen so hard and so deep.
I no longer care where I am or who I am,
as long as he is mine.