Three years ago today, the moment he walked through the door, it wasn't deja vu, it was a memory of a fantasy I played out in my mind hundreds of times as a little girl, as a teenager, as a woman, finally catching up in real time - a fantasy of a man I would meet someday who would be all I could ever desire in a lover, friend, and husband.
Three years ago today, the moment he walked through the door, standing 6' 14", I recognized him immediately as the nameless, faceless man I imagined for years and I finally felt alive! authentic! electric!
Three years ago today, the moment he walked through the door, I fell irrevocably in love and I never want to put myself back together again.
Like a sinful seduction, I slip off the edge of sleep, my eyes are drawn to the darkest shadows of my room... kinetically searching... I seem to ******* them, my mind breathes life into them, they begin to stir and morph into the preludes to my peculiar dreams, bizarre at first until inevitably familiar, as if I had lived them indefinite times in the past... and infinite times in the future... remembering... becoming... unfiltered and unaffected... my subconscious is my truth, awakened by my dreams. I long to remain lost in this ethereal bliss.
Every day, I am convinced I couldn't be any more in love with him, but I will be... Next week, tomorrow, even minutes from now. I used to feel as if love was contained solely within my heart, but not with him; With him, I am BECOMING love... with my entire being.
Do you recognize me? I remember YOU. No, we will not SEE each other after death; we will BE each other after death, as we also were before life. You will realize that I am you and you are me; we are everyone and everything, even now. We are synchronous...simultaneous...endless... We are LOVE...ALL of us. ❤
There he is...standing in my doorway... towering...smiling...glistening with confidence. Is he real? Am I awake? I have fallen so hard and so deep. I no longer care where I am or who I am, as long as he is mine.