I keep trying to write
About us mostly
But i cannot
Fathom words
To tell about
This feeling in my chest
And this wrenching of my gut
And how the idea of
This nausea
Is so good
And i cannot
Write into life
How my skin is bursting
When i read your name
Or when i see you
And feel you
And how everything
Every being
Every particle
Every small microscopic
Atomic
Piece of me
Is whispering
Your name

I just want you
to be happy
but sometimes
and selfishly
I want to be
your happiness

But
'happiness is a choice'
you say
and you didn't choose me

I clung onto the idea
since you made me happy
it would be the same for you

What is happiness now?
where has it gone to?
In time, society has robbed us
the real meaning of happiness

Go on your own way
and pursue your happiness
for your smile, is my smile
your laugh, is my laugh

and I'll be happy
when you find your happiness
because I love you
always have, always will

Your laugh made me smile
In the most down of times.
I was the luckiest guy
To have called you mine.

Your hair was so soft,
Your eyes were so calm,
And your lips always tasted like
That special cherry lip balm.

When I was with you,
Everything felt right.
My favorite moments
Were when we would stay up all night.

All we did was talk.
There was no fighting.
We talked about everything.
While in the covers we were hiding.

We slept all day,
We were perfect from the start,
I just wish I could turn back time,
And redo my part.

I really did love you,
I wish you believed me,
Because maybe if we tried,
We’d still be cuddling.

Note to self:

- Never love again
- Love is a limited trend
- Never be their friend
- Walk away in the end
- You’ll only get hurt
- Don’t even try to flirt
- Shutter your feelings
- Remember your heart isn't done healing

I can smell him on my sheets
      I can taste him in my dreams
             I can still feel every inch where he's touched me
I hear his laughter echoing in the walls
             I can still see him in all these pictures I saved for
           memories

But this bed is bare
My dream's a nightmare
       I can't hear
             His laughter
       He's not near
             Enough to touch
My eyes are blinded by tears
He's killed my senses,  
      I'm no longer aware

Everything around me,  slowly fading away
His face, his scent, his laughter,  his touch
Maybe I'll just pop a few pills and sleep away the day
At least he's in my nightmares, the pain of reality is too much