No matter how many times I say her name
It still gets caught in my throat
Still holds insurmountable meaning
It doesn't just become three syllables
It becomes me crying cause I realize it's almost been 5 months since the last time we made love
5 months since the last time we kissed or even truly talked
And she is happy
And I'm still in bed, whispering her name
And hoping it becomes just three
Syll-a-bles.

He leans his head back,
Closes his eyes.
Sighed.
"you drive me crazy.."
He sits up, looks out the window.
Mutters:
"and not the good kind of crazy."

I sit there, not caring.
All I can think of is how
Ill never be the good kind of anything.

She was the realest thing I ever had
Made me feel so **** complete
Lying in her arms
And feeling her chest rise and fall
I thought to myself
"I could stay here forever"
And drifted off to sleep.
Now,
Our relationship,
I see,
Was built on a foundation of lies
And crying
Pulling away
And being too needy all at once
I see her in the hallway
And my heart breaks
Every time
Cause she passes me by
Without looking once
And I'm so entranced by her walk
That I have to stop and watch

I guess I'm lucky I'm one of those people who look pretty without make up.
I guess I'm also one of those people with a ****** up mind as well.

I promise you that whatever problems
I have with her
I still love you
And
You are not alone.

You ask me why I'm with you?
Fine.

I'm with you because of the way
Your eyes look when you are looking
At the ground and smiling
And the way you brush my hair back
With your fingertips
How you hold my face
And kiss my cheek
The way you laugh
Walk
Hold my hand
Wrap your arms around me
I promise you
You aren't alone in this
I love you for your
Scratchy beard
And soft caressing hands
Just know I do love you
Even if it means nothing to you
I do.

At the end of each day
As I'm laying in the dark
Looking into the night
I whisper
"I still want to die"

He holds my hand
He kisses me soft
He takes me out
He loves me right

Why am I still in love with her?