I had a little angel I held her in my arms that night
I didn't want to say goodbye I held on to her tight
I stroked her face I kissed her hair
I looked at her just lying there
And as a mother I felt defeat as my tears trickled  down upon her cheek
There was nothing I could do
Nothing I could say
To stop fates hand from taking her away
As she took her last breath and let out a sigh
A part of me began to die
I felt my heart shatter the pain was slow
As I grieved for the child I'd never know
Her pram was empty the nursery bare
I was left just with a vacant stare
I had no emotion didn't know how to feel
Didn't want to sleep In case the nightmare was reall
My body carried on but I wasn't there
Left just with a vacant stare
Heard her cries but awoke to find
An empty cot just a trick of the mind .........

I heard your key in the door
Smelt your fragrance waft up the stairs
I felt your embrace
Held you close never wanting to let go
A smile spread across my lips
My heart raced
I switched on the bed lamp
And saw your note realising you'd gone
My blood ran cold
Realisation set in
Tears fell
Encompassed by loneliness
Imaginary tricks now enveloping the mind
How did it come to this
Your now insignificant
A figment of my imagination ..........

I wasn't looking
Nor interested
Was enjoying just getting to know myself
Then it happened
'I saw you" the kindness in your eyes, unlocked my barriers
The tenderness of your smile reached  for me I could not run
The gentleness of your touch woke me from a deep slumber
The beauty of your heart shone through like a guiding light
Flooding the depths of my being
Awakening my soul
Taking me to another place
I'm now captivated engrossed  mesmerised , so fortunate to have found you.   My love

I look in the mirror at my vacant stare
But I can't see me I'm no longer there
My body is numb my mind frozen in time
What has happened to this heart of mine

I pick up the pieces it's what they'll expect
Put on a brave face its what I must project
So many people not knowing what to say
Most when they see me turn the other way

I ask myself this question how do I carry on
I'm damaged and broken the old me has gone
I watch television but can't take it in
I try to read a book then throw it in the bin
I pick up my paint brush trying to paint a scene
But I can't it's not there.  I just want to scream

Ten years have now passed
Its took that long to find
The inspiration to write again from a clear heart and mind
I still look in the mirror griefs taken its toll
But my heart is no longer lost with my soul

"Honey "! come n meet Tom
This was the day it all changed
Me ,the way I loved, my security my happiness
Just that sentence. It echoes in my head feeling like a sledge hammer
Erasing my happiness my whole childhood wiped out
I was happy then
I liked me
I loved the insects in my garden  ,I even named them"built them a den"
I loved to listen to the sound ,of the rain pelting down on my plastic sheet I'd thrown over a tree I thought it was great.  I  thought i
was the only one who invented such a thing and I was safe
But I was wrong
Tom introduced me to the adult world
I didn't belong there!!!

He introduced fear
It kept me paralysed
I scrubbed my skin till it bled
I even prayed to the fairies and god
When it was my birthday mum got her camera
Smile get nice and close to Tom
Oh that's a lovely picture she said
Inside I screamed mum it's not the real one ,!
But she never heard
I'm in a different place now
I look different too
At least my birthday wish came true
I am invisible
My next of kin is street life the homeless charity
People judge me some with pity others with disgust
I am still paralysed
It all changed that day and it's still there the sentence "honey come n meet Tom"!
Who Cares..??

If I call you will you hear me
Or will silence stare me out

If I reach out my hand to hold  you
Perhaps you'll here me if I shout

Is there any way to reach you
Distance seems to be your  friend

When I'm with you, do you see me ?
I am still here, on that depend
I have watched you in my bedroom you kissed my photo by the bed
I saw you remove your dressing gown
But then  you put mine on instead

I see you in the evenings staring out at the full moon
Then I note a smile  plays on your lips as you breath in  my perfume
We never saw this coming now we're separate and alone
What a price to pay for driving while answering your mobile  phone. ....

Each new vision of a sunset inspires a glimmer of hope
Illuminating the depths of darkness
Reminding us of the availability
Freely given by mother nature
Encouraging us to nurture the soul
By finding peace and tranquility
Resting in the palm of such beauty

I chase not gold nor silver as this is our folly
Rather I choose not to be a lamb lead to the slaughter
In this material world
Instead I have been given the insight and privelage to see what matters most
Thoughtfullness , compassion, understanding, gentleness,patience,forgiveness,kindness,
For these are the things that can be given freely to all whom I come into contact
It is these things by which I wish to be remembered they are gifts that are free to all who wish to embrace them
It is my hope that others may share in  the beauty of them
Sewing them like seeds into the next generation
Making this world a better place
Wealth has no comparison
Always be aware of the shadow of time
As time waits for no one , regardless of status

As delicate as a flower
As precious as a memory
As difficult as the sea
As warm as the sun
As comforting as velvet
As important as life itself
Without it we are hollow
Our lives are aimless
With no meaning.......   Love