I have such high aspirations
But I feel so low
Tell me, can I live a happy life
Without giving up my soul?

And none of my dreams
Are grounded in reality
Why should I pay thousands
To be who I want to be?

I'm not too proud of my address
Daddy can't buy me every pretty thing
I'm just a girl in the lower middle class
In a world where money is king

I must be a *******
For falling in love with you
And you must also be a *******
For loving me too

Of all the types of self harm
You were the sweetest
And when I wanted to shut everyone out
You were my one weakness

And you must be a *******
For trying to pick up broken glass
But I am not a sadist and I won't let you
Hurt yourself whenever I crash

Heart thumping
Face on the desk
We're talking about suicide
And I know what comes next

She tells us not to look
We have to close our eyes
She says it's an anonymous survey
And I wonder if I should lie

Raising our hands is a yes
And everything inside me
Screams no while I
Try to calm my bouncing knee

I raise a tentative hand
When she asks if we've considered suicide
That tentative hand raise is the largest step I've taken
And part of me feels peace deep down inside

Behind these hazel eyes
There is a monster deep within
It bubbles deep inside
And always gets under my skin
It's irrational and stupid
And yet it's everywhere
Yes, I get it, she's perfect
But could she be perfect over there?
It's just my insecurity
I tell myself all the time
But I still find myself searching you
For evidence of a nonexistent crime
Dreams in which you love her
Easily cloud through my mind
When you and her walk ahead
And I'm left behind
It's not that I don't trust you
No matter what I heard
I'll always completely trust you
I just don't trust you with her
These green eyes are blocking
Out my sight
They won't go away
Try as I might
Green eyes
I only want you and me
Behind these loving hazel eyes
Lies a beast named jealousy

As we walk
towards a concrete wall, towards
nothing, as you did, we
slowly, almost imperceptibly,
sink. As we walk
we are in direct juxtaposition
and symmetry to
your fate. For while we all
walk towards nothing, our nothing
will end, and you
are still interred around us.